Finally getting rid of the dummy - help me please

[dummyfair]

My 3 and a half head old ( yes I know ) and my 1 and a half year old are dummy crazy.

I don't let my 3 year old have the dummy anymore ( except for at night time ). However she often takes it off her brother, who's an absolute dummy addict. MUCH worse than she was.

She didn't care much for her dummy, until she was around 2, when her brother was born. Since then she just wanted it all the time. My 1 year old has always been crazy for his dummy, as he has CMPA and is quite a high needs baby / toddler ( although he's getting better now a lot of his teeth have come in ).

In any case, I've realised it's basically going to be impossible to wean my 3 year old off completely, until there just aren't any dummies around anymore. So that means I need to get them both off at the same time.

My three year old has been asking me for a ' car ' for ages. So I told her she can have one. I explained that the delivery driver will come and bring her car and we need to prepare a parcel to give to him with all the dummies in it, to take it to the little babies who need it.

She's been saying it a few times herself. That soon her car will come and she will give the delivery man all the dummies for the babies who need them.

I'm terrified of what is going to happen when the dummies have all gone. Any advice ? Especially my 1 year old, he cries so much and he really needs it still.

I've taken DD to dentist who didn't even mention or ask about whether she has a dummy, so it's not harmed her yet. However, I know it's something we need to get rid of. If it was up to her, she'd have it in her mouth all day. 🤦‍♀️ the little one is the same, he constantly wants it in his mouth. I don't allow it. But I do give it to him when he's upset and for naps and bed time of course.

Get each of them a small new comfort toy - a cuddly animal or similar. A car is fun but a child turns to a dummy for comfort and needs an alternative source of comfort when the dummies go.

I remember being equally upset about my 3 year old and her dummy. Spoke to my lovely and very experienced dentist who said not to take it away as she might start sucking her thumb. 6 months later my daughter abandoned her dummy with no fuss. She's 17 now with beautiful straight teeth.Good luck with whatever you decide to do, but don't stress unnecessarily.

My children didn't have dummies so I am not the best to advise but my friend ties her children's to door handles and they had to go over to suck on it there if they wanted it. They got fed up within a week and they were gone. I remember thinking that was a good idea but not sure if it would help you

Ah ok. That's good to know. To be honest, I was hoping that eventually she'll just understand / abandon it by herself too. But everyone is constantly going on about how she shouldn't even have it at night etc etc and how bad it is bla bla bla.

Especially mother in law loves to harp on about it and asks me constantly asks about it. So annoying

That's absolutely hilarious

That sounds fair for your 3-year-old, but I'm not sure that your one-year-old will understand.

That said, I haven't had to do it. My 21-month-old literally took his dummy out one day and gave it back one evening, and then never wanted it again. He occasionally finds one in a drawer now and puts it in, laughs about it, and takes it out, but it was very child-led and calm. When we took him to the dentist for the first time, the dentist said most dummies are teeth-friendly these days, so if yours are, I wouldn't stress unduly about that.

Also note that if your one-year-old really needs something still, and you take the dummy, he is quite likely to become a thumb sucker instead and that's a lot more difficult to get rid of as you can't remove his thumb!

I think you might need to work with the three-year-old to understand that her dummies are going to the delivery man, but her brothers are not, and she must not use her brother's dummies. It'll take some getting used to for her, but not using other people's toothbrushes/special toys/etc is a usual concept for a three-year-old to be learning, so she should be able to understand that quite quickly; and that's a lot more fair then taking away his dummy when he's not ready.

I'm following because I'm in the same situation with my nearly 2 year old, he only has it at night.

Couple of cross-posts there while I was sorting breakfast, sorry!

It's also so unhygienic. She just takes it straight out if his mouth ! I tell her off all the time but she just keeps doing it.

This week my 1 year old had a sickness bug ( which she may have got anyway ) but she kept taking his dummy straight from his mouth ! No chance ! Of course she got sick as well..

Can you snip the end of them all off so that they will lose the sensation?

Your 1 year old doesn't "need" it as much as you think. The habit can be broken fast at that age

I've tried that and my 3 year old just has tantrums and says it's broken and she wants another one...

I got rid of ours at 2 but she only ever had it at night so it lived in her cot. She also only had 1 dummy! Cut the teat off told her it was broken and she held it in her hand in the cot for a few days till it fell down the back and she forgot about it. It was so easy. I have a 12 month old I'm going to do the exact same thing with her. 3 year old is going to be tricky but stick to your guns. Don't keep a spare just in case, get rid of every single one.

We told our DD that Santa needed her dummies for new babies and that if she left them out for him on Christmas Eve he would leave her something special. It worked. Dummies were put on the fire hearth and a lovey toy was left in their place. She never looked back.

Ok, so I’m even worse than you!! DS 2 was almost 5 when the dummies finally left the house! By then he only had them at night , but the school nurse gave me a lecture. We got him a cuddly toy he really wanted and then did cold turkey. First night was a bit tough, second less bad, third fine.

But I don’t think you should take them off your baby as well - he’s too young. You are going to have to get tough with the 3 year old and say she cannot have her brother’s. You will have to get ready for at least a couple of tough nights - start on a Friday if you don’t work weekends.

Or - you could be like me and wait a little longer. DS2 does have teeth that need braces but the dentist tells me that this is not down to the dummy. DS1 was a thumb sucker until at least 10 - no braces needed. Both had excellent speech. The worst problem was actually the state of DS1’s thumb - often cracked, sore skin. I used to have to sneak in his bedroom late at night and carefully dry his thumb and stick Vaseline on it.

If I were you, I’d probably start restricting your DD’s dummy use to night time only. She gets a lovely toy etc in return but then you will have to be vigilant over taking them off her if she takes her brother’s.

Give it another year and then away hers go completely.

Bribery worked wonderfully with my DS around the age of your DD. Not sure about younger ones. But don’t rely on her just giving up - my nephew had one at night until nearly 7!

My DD was about 3 and we introduced the conversation about it. At bedtime, we collected them all and put them in a bag for the Dummy Fairy because the new babies needed them. In the morning she looked and there was a present (I think it was a Frozen toy or something!) and she was thrilled. Then never looked back. Even when we found a rogue dummy a few months later.

So I suppose what I’m saying is it’s not as big an issue as some folks make out. Thinking back, by 3, he only had them at night and on long journeys. I’d stopped their use in the house in day time.

The school nurse’s comments about it affecting his speech, at least in his case, were wrong - he had very clear speech from being a 2 year old. It might be easier to restrict them to night time for your daughter. She is old enough to understand that she’s not a baby.

When they finally go, you’ve got to check everywhere, gather them all, and chuck in the bin bag so they’re gone.

Yeah she's only had it at night since she was 3. She's started stealing her brothers dummy recently during the day, but we take it off her every single time. So it's still just night time.

Her speech is fine and her teeth are fine, the dentist never mentioned it.

However the in laws / my mum / my husband are constantly banging on about how bad it is.

I opened this thread thinking it would be about getting rid of a useless partner!

That's a whole other thread 🤣🤣

My eldest had a dummy at night until she was 5! My very wise friend told me she wouldn’t have one at 15 so why worry- she was right. My youngest didn’t have one at all. I can’t believe how much I worried about my eldest having a dummy at bedtime, when no one else knew except her and me!

My dc are adults now. The boys had dummies until given to Father Christmas 😄 when they were probably about 3 and a half. Only ever had them when sleepy (I never liked seeing children walking about with dummies)

My dd sucked her thumb from the minute she was born. Thought that was great at the time - she could sooth herself. Then realised of course how difficult it is to get children to stop sucking their thumbs!

You can probably guess where this is heading.... boys have nice straight teeth and no other related health problems. Dd had teeth all over the place, and hearing problems.

So close those comments down firmly but as politely as possible. I learned some responses and practised them! I’d vary between ‘Yes, we’ll tackle it soon’, ‘That’s not the dentist’s view’, ‘Yes, I’m well aware of your view on that’, and to your DH, ‘crack on them, you do it. And get ready to get up several times through the night as I won’t be.’

With mine and friends’ DHs, reminding them that they’ll have to sort something out tends to stop them going on about it if they’re not prepared to actually step up. The worst is if he’s just parroting what his mum says - mine knows I have absolutely no tolerance for that. I will not be ganged up against on childcare issues and mine learned pretty quickly not to do that.