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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go out yet again this weekend?

27 replies

mintytwirl · 22/09/2023 19:07

For a month and a half every weekend we have had to go out to some social thing. It was my Mum's birthday one week then DH's Dad's. Then It was his aunts party, then a party for DH's work, then we had his relatives visiting so there was a party for that and DP also had his friends round to watch the football where I made food and was hospitable, I usually don't mind but it just too much. Now his sister has invited us all to her house tomorrow night for an impromtu party and I just don't want to go. Its fair to say I am an introvert but I don't mind seeing people and I do like his family but I need a quiet weekend, DH is kind of the same but feels a lot of pressure to attend as its mostly his family.

I am seeing my friends next weekend (a day out not at home) and I have been looking forward to this weekend being a time to recharge but it's been snatched away from me now. I seriously felt ill and hung over from his aunt's party and I don't even drink! I just wanted to go to the gym tomorrow, cook some nice food, have a bath, read and watch movies all weekend now I've got to be ... sociable 😡

OP posts:
Freezingcoldinseptember · 22/09/2023 19:12

Few sneezes eh op? Best stop in until you can get a Covid test..

jeaux90 · 22/09/2023 19:13

You don't. If he has your back he can just say you are frazzled and not feeling great.

Original poster
mintytwirl · 22/09/2023 19:13

@Freezingcoldinseptember I like the way you think!

OP posts:
Original poster
mintytwirl · 22/09/2023 19:14

@jeaux90 True, he would back me up but he doesn't even want to go so I'll feel bad him going on his own. I have no idea why one family needs to have so many parties!

OP posts:
Ragwort · 22/09/2023 19:17

Why on earth would you feel bad if your DH goes on his own? My DH and I rarely socialise together, I wouldn't dream of dragging him to things he didn't want to go to ... just be a grown up and say 'no thanks'.

PrrrplePineapple · 22/09/2023 19:19

I would stay home and have a bath and read my book and maybe eat some delicious treats and would not feel guilty in the slightest.

If you've seen his family a lot recently, you do not need to see them again this weekend if you'd rather not.

nochangeever · 22/09/2023 19:19

DP also had his friends round to watch the football where I made food and was hospitable, I usually don't mind but it just too much.

Why can't he cook for his own friends?

<misses point of thread>

Scruffington · 22/09/2023 19:20

Just tell them that unfortunately you're not feeling up to it. It's not as though it's a big family event, just a last minute party.

I can't imagine they'll mind.

Scruffington · 22/09/2023 19:22

and yeah, next time husband has his mates round to watch football I'm sure he can throw some pizzas in the oven and put some doritos into a bowl. Don't be a martyr.

Greydogs123 · 22/09/2023 19:23

If it’s not a party to celebrate anything significant then just say that you’ve had a busy few weeks and you’re going to take it easy this weekend. If your Dh can’t say no, that’s on him. It’s not compulsory to do stuff just because you’re asked.

QuietDragon · 22/09/2023 19:28

I don't really understand why you have to go?

Just stay home.

Lastchancechica · 22/09/2023 19:50

Just stay at home - you have done more than enough already!

Olika · 22/09/2023 19:57

Stay home. Don't feel bad about your DH. He is a grown up, he can go by himself if he chooses to.

Owjrbvr · 22/09/2023 20:04

I’d feel the same; I try to actively plan weekends I go our calendar whete we aren’t doing much as I need to recharge

Original poster
mintytwirl · 22/09/2023 20:06

nochangeever · 22/09/2023 19:19

DP also had his friends round to watch the football where I made food and was hospitable, I usually don't mind but it just too much.

Why can't he cook for his own friends?

<misses point of thread>

I am a good cook and don't normally mind doing this but with everything else that has been going on its only added to the overload I am feeling now. DH does things for me and my friends too, lifts and so on so its fair enough.

OP posts:
CrapBucket · 22/09/2023 20:06

I just don’t go to things I don’t want to go to, it’s very easy.

Hayliebells · 22/09/2023 20:07

I’d feel similar, but I’d have no qualms about just politely declining the invitation. You don’t need to go to every event that you’re invited to, it fine to say you’ve been really busy and just need a rest. Your DH can go alone, or not, he’s also an adult and can make his own choices. If he also doesn’t want to go he doesn’t have to, so no need to feel bad about him choosing to go alone. For some family events, I get that he might feel obliged to go but not want to (like a big birthday party, christening etc) so going along to be supportive is the nice thing to do. But this random party doesn’t sound like such an event. As MN likes to proclaim “it’s an invitation, not a summons!”.

Original poster
mintytwirl · 22/09/2023 20:07

Scruffington · 22/09/2023 19:22

and yeah, next time husband has his mates round to watch football I'm sure he can throw some pizzas in the oven and put some doritos into a bowl. Don't be a martyr.

Like I say above it isn't usually a problem, DH does stuff for me too which is equivalent but just this time its all been too much!

OP posts:
Original poster
mintytwirl · 22/09/2023 20:09

Thanks everyone it seems I am not being unreasonable and will tell DH that I really can't face it and will have a lovely evening in myself if he decides to go!

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 22/09/2023 20:09

YANBU, just say that you feel under the weather and take to your bed. Tell DH to have a nice evening and say Hi for you.

Nemesias · 22/09/2023 20:10

It’s an impromptu party and you have plans. Just because those plans don’t involve socialising doesn’t mean they’re not still plans

itsgettingweird · 22/09/2023 20:12

You don't have to go.

Either of you.

I'm from a large family. (One side). There's often something happening. People dip in and out as they can. No one feels compelled to go and no one cares if you do or don't!

Just a simple text "thanks for the invite but we already have plans. Maybe next time".

And IMO staying in and watching films whilst eating nice food is a plan! Having plans don't always have to involve social time and being out of the house!

My "plans" this weekend are supermarket and catch up TV because I have my vaccinations tomorrow.

Last weekend I drove 250 mile round trip to attend an event.

I cannot do back to back weekends as I'm also an introvert!

Changingplace · 22/09/2023 20:25

I just wouldn’t go, and I’d be honest that you’ve had a busy few weeks, this weekend you were planning to chill, thanks for the invite but we’ll catch up another time, it’s totally fine.

Changingplace · 22/09/2023 20:27

Nemesias · 22/09/2023 20:10

It’s an impromptu party and you have plans. Just because those plans don’t involve socialising doesn’t mean they’re not still plans

Love this description, so true, plans to sit on your own sofa & relax are indeed still valid plans :)

jeaux90 · 23/09/2023 17:32

Nemesias · 22/09/2023 20:10

It’s an impromptu party and you have plans. Just because those plans don’t involve socialising doesn’t mean they’re not still plans

Lovely way of putting it.