My boss is an utter w**ker

[ReformedWaywardTeen]

Just need to vent really as can't anywhere else.

DH and I had a very difficult lockdown, we are not gig/hospitality industry and had our own business at the start. By the end we barely had a home to rent anymore, DH was having to do odd jobs where he could and we had to apply for UC which I found soup destroying having been self sufficient since age 16.

We had jobs after but they were miserable, barely breaking even.

So we found out about a local business couple who had an opportunity going to runa business. We applied and we got it, moving in in June this year.

Now I know why not many went for it.

My boss is a pervert to put it bluntly. He says the most inappropriate things to me and the staff I manage. He is also dense. He will say one thing one day and deny it the next. It's left me with plans fucked a number of times which I then get bitched for as if it's my bad management.

The wife is thick as hell. She cannot organise shit. She fucks up constantly and is totally on the make.

I field visits from bailiffs constantly. The business is dodgy as fuck.

Then there are two staff who seem intent on undermining me. Sweet to my face, going behind my back constantly.

The thing is this isn't just our job. It's now our home and that if our children. If we walk out- and I'm close after yet another balls up today that I've got three people slagging me off for- we won't be able to rent anywhere.

It's not down to me being self employed, I'm happy to take flack when I fuck up. But I'm incredibly organised and finding it very difficult and frustrating being asked to do something, doing it, and then the whole plan is changed and I'm meant to know this without being told.

I'm actually miserable. I'm not sleeping nor eating with anxiety.

Finding another position is just not possible, I've been looking.

Just wanted somewhere to offload to because they watch my social media and the CCTV in the place. They will periodically call and shout over fuck all if we have nothing to do.

Should say we are gig industry

Is there any way you can get out of this? You sound miserable and so unhappy.

How can you be self employed? This sounds like an employee role

why can’t you rent somewhere?

you need to find a way out

No we were previously self employed before lockdown when our business died a death. We wound it up before we got into debt.

I do not know what gig industry is (other than gigs as in music - maybe you mean that?) but it sounds like you need to start making a plan to move on. You both need to start looking for new jobs and, when one of you gets one, get a new place to live. It's not a quick fix but it's time to play the long game.

No I've been asking around but no. Even renting now is a joke where we've moved and we can't change schools as both are in important year groups

I agree, there may not be jobs available in exactly the industry you want but at the point you’re not eating or sleeping due to anxiety, it’s time to move on from the job that’s causing you that stress, even if that means temporarily getting a job in a call centre, or a shop etc for now, those places are always hiring. It may not be your dream job but when a job is damaging your mental health in the way you say this one is, you’re better off taking the first job possible to get out of it, then when you’re somewhere less stressful you can think long term about getting back to a job in the industry you desire

You need to make finding a new job and moving out a priority as your mental health will likely only get worse.
It sounds like an absolutely hideous situation. Are there any friends or family who can help you in any way?

No no one really. If it wasn't a live in situation I would have been out of here yesterday.

I dont really understand the set up. What is the gig industry 🤔 I'd like to help but I'm not clear on what you mean.

the only advice is to suck it up until you find something else, but looking as hard as you possibly can. It's understandable you cannot afford not to work, but you can't afford to just wait.

we can't change schools as both are in important year groups
of course you can. It's not ideal, you might need a serious discussion without upsetting them by going too far in details, but if you must, then that's the only thing to do.

Alternatively, "house sitting" for sometimes months IS a thing, have you looked? That would give you somewhere for this school year, and you could both work full time to save as much money as you can.

It sounds awful, but the worst would be believing you are stuck for ever. You are not, you don't have to live like that for years!

Finding another position is just not possible, I've been looking.

you moved in June, we are only in September. Don't get depressed, it might feel like a life time, but you have not been looking for long! There will be options.

Not sure if you are unreasonable but if you are as potty mouthed with your enployer/boss, I am surprised that he keeps you on!!

This situation will not get better and if you don’t move now you may well be forced to - by the sounds of it. Kids can always resit a year if it all goes pear shaped. Get out. Keep looking

@GucciBear i think there’s a big difference between someone needing to blow off steam in an anonymous way and calling her boss a wanker to his face.
Sounds awful OP, I hope you can get out soon, keep looking!

That was a needlessly wanky thing to say, wasn’t it?

The gig industry is hospitality, bands, entertainers, casual pub staff, pub staff in general.

OP - you say you run the business for this couple. Do the staff (the ones you say undermine you) report into them or to you? Can you start managing them out?

There’s not much you can do about the owners being twats, but if you can at least pick and manage your own staff, you will have a bit more control.

Oh right so basically you live in a pub? And the owners live there too. There must be loads of pubs around within say a 40 mile radius that you could look at moving to? The kids could still say in the same school, you don't need to be that local to keep that part going.

I agree with PPs: it's clearly much easier said than done, but this situation is obviously untenable. You cannot live in misery and stress - or rather, you can, but you will become seriously ill. That's not an if, it's a when. You need to embrace that big change is afoot, some un-ideal things are going to need to happen (moving the kids' school potentially, maybe jobs that aren't your usual thing), but that it's necessary to preserve your health and wellbeing.

I don't like to feel I'm preaching or trying to tell you what to do, but this is honestly the only option as I can see it.

Trust me it really isn't. It can cost upwards of £20k to get a foot in a door. That's why we felt lucky to get the opportunity we have.
So no, not easy, at all.

And in our area rents are extremely high and if we have no income they won't touch us, and jobs are scarce.

Do you want to get out or not? It doesn't sound sustainable. So you should be thinking very seriously about what would happen if this plays out and the worst happens?

You can and should get out. Will it be pretty? Probably not. Will you be glad you did? Yes probably given enough time past now.

Probably.
It's just so hard because it's not sustainable in its current form but we are looking at alternatives and finding literally nothing.

DH has said we will call a meeting and see what happens next.

Well, if you really are stuck there then you just need to mentally switch off and do your job without caring.

That is all you can do. Do not let anything get to you. Do not let your boss and the other staff get to you.

Just switch off. If you don't then you will probably have a breakdown.

You have to stop caring about what your boss and his wife do.

I was in a similar position and it was much easier when I stopped caring.

Don't think about your job after work.

I know it is easy for me to say, but you really have no choice.