Awkward situation with friend owing me money

[bagpuss90]

i made a donation on behalf of a friend to a nominated charity following her family members death. She doesn’t do anything online - which is why I did it for her . So she’s never repaid me . She said she gave me 100 quid cash. No one ever gives me cash these days . 100% I would have remembered it . I absolutely know she’s never given it back. It’s now a really awkward situation. I think it’s not just about the money- it was her family member and there was nothing given by her in his memory . I might add Im self employed and not in a position to lose 100 quid right now. I don’t want to fall out with her but it’s really awkward. Any ideas ? Or just a lesson learnt

Ask her if she can remember where and when she gave you the money as you have no recollection at all. Have you seen her at all at a time/place where she might have given it to you?

That’s quite a generous donation too. I usually give £20 or £25 in those circumstances which could possibly be forgotten but not £100.

Hi friend, can you check what date you withdrew the money from bank as I can’t recall you handing it over - and with it being quite a lot of cash, I’m sure I wouldn’t have forgotten!

Grief brain fog is dreadful, I've got it myself at the moment. Just remind her gently.

I suspect she's genuinely confused - grief does weird things.

Having said that, in 2023, anyone who is unable to do basic things online is someone I'm always going to be wary of. Sorry.
Unless she's extremely old or has some specific reason she can't use the internet, it's just an excuse.

Try something like this

" Hey friend, this is really awkward and I hate doing it, but can you drop over the 100 I leant you. It's actually left me really tight and obviously I leant it to you because it's a good cause. As I said, I hate having to ask again but it's put me in a terrible position. I can drop over today it if it suits? "

QuestionableMouse
I mean it’s the principle

So you now know what that friendship is worth

GingerIsBest
she claims to have a phobia about it - I think she just can’t be asked to get her head round it

But presumably when you donated on her behalf, you stated it was from friend?

I feel your pain OP. The staggering cheek of done people who owe money has to be seen to be believed. I've just had a similar situation with a sibling who has owed me money for 18 months. I asked again nicely this week when the money would be in my account and he absolutely lost it with me. He is not hard up but thinks he should be able to pay me back when he remembers and that I was being rude reminding him. The little shit then paid me back but less £50 with no explanation. I've let this go as he is deliberately spoiling for a fight and I've decided instead that our relationship is done for now. You might have to do the same.

bobotothegogo
you just donate and post a message if you wish. I just put what she asked . “Darling x forever loved -forever missed from x

The friend claims she gave her the money in cash so that doesn’t really help the situation.

Not necessarily, she could genuinely think she have it to her rather than she is trying to cheat her.

So as far as anyone else is aware, she has donated in their memory. Only you know she technically hasn't.
As a person what is she like usually? Is she a good person? Or is she a cheeky fucker?

I would contact the charity and ask for a refund.

This boils down to if you think she’s genuinely grief-stricken and confused, or if she’s usually manipulative and chaotic about money.

I get the sense that you know that she’s usually a bit shit with money.

I'd worry less about it being awkward, she's taken it beyond that, and as you're certain she didn't give it to you, it's on her whether she wants to check if she took the money out, but it proves nothing as she still didn't hand it on to you. I'd do one last conversation, or message if you must, along the lines of - 'I've tried to be really understanding about this because of what the money was for, but I've given you time and you've still not paid me back as promised on the £100 donated on your behalf. It's not an amount I can afford to write off, so I need you to repay it to me by x (give her one week max). I hope we can get this sorted nicely as I did it because I care for you and wanted to help, but having to chase you for the repayment is making things really difficult.'

Something like that and then if she lets you down, contact the charity and draw a line under the friendship. You did a kind thing and she's taken the piss. Don't feel awkward. You've done nothing wrong.

Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.

Good advice? Too late, perhaps, for OP. The rest of us, though ...

This says it perfectly - strikes the right note. You do need to try - ultimately if she doesn’t respond, it will have be a lesson learned. Cash first, online payment second.

God, how awkward. As you say, impossible to tell if she's tryibg to get out of it or genuinely thinks she already paid you.

Have you actually seen her in person since the donation? What sort of place(s) was it?

I also agree with this.

She's trying it on and you need to put a stop to it, or be prepared to lose £100.

This is good although i’d leave out this bit

Although X is a very worthy cause and I wish I had more money to give to worthy charities, I'm just not in a position to make a donation of that size at the moment.

Agree with this approach

bobotothegogo
Hmm bit of both tbh