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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To invoice DF

46 replies

TryAgainAnotherDay · 22/09/2023 09:24

Living with DF temporarily until can get into new property. Unfortunately this has been pushed back so now looking into a short term rental ASAP.

Not viable to live with DF anymore due to my mental health and also the 90 minute commute to work and back costing a fortune in fuel.

Now I will start by saying so far DF has not changed us rent (have offered but he declined, yet kept on about it every other day about how we wasnt paying rent, and still declining any offer we gave). we agreed that as we are here longer then expected will start paying and he asked us how much we could afford. We gave a figure and he laughed at us saying no chance and then suggested a higher figure, think nearly £1000.

Now I'm not against paying rent for the 3 of us but DF has no mortgage / rent to pay himself and I can private rent a house for less then that amount (hence why we are now looking into private rentals) his reasoning is that it covers council tax, bills and so on.

Fine.... but in the month we have lived here, all staying in one room, we have bought all the food, including his. Paid for any repairs needed to the house, done his garden (looked like a jungle when we moved in) done all the cleaning, washing, made him packed lunches for work, food shopping and getting any bits and pieces he may need (birthday cards etc) as well as giving him a lift to anywhere he wants to go. Basically apart from cooking the odd night he has not lifted a finger since we have lived here.

AIBU to paid agreed rent amount then invoice for gardening, house keeping and taxi services??

OP posts:

BrawnWild · 22/09/2023 10:50

Yabu to play tit for tat.

Either pay or find a short term rental or someone else to live with. Those are literally your only options so pick one and dtop giving it headspace.

Hufflepods · 22/09/2023 10:53

Why would you not have to clean the house and cook while living there though?

Tinkerbyebye · 22/09/2023 10:55

I would just have a conversation with him and say what you have spent so far and that’s this months rent. Then tell him that £1000 is a joke, you can rent cheaper elsewhere so you are off

Turnthelightoff · 22/09/2023 11:04

I think you need a clear the air chat. This is all very unsavoury and not what you’d want from your relationship with DF I am sure. Maybe mention that you think the above market rate rent is too high and simply cannot afford it so one option is to move elsewhere. You’d hoped that there was an element of DFs offer orf allowing you to stay that meant he wanted to help you save some money. You don’t want to make him out of pocket so think there could be somewhere you can meet in the middle. But in doing so you’d like to include allowance for all the extra spending you’ve made on him and jobs you’ve done while you’ve been there which you did partly because you want to help but in part as a gesture to demonstrate your gratitude. The fact is, if you moved out he’d not get the food bought, chores done and errands run. There has to be some value to the things you’ve tried to do to make the experience a positive. Not sure if this would go down well but is my suggestion.

Kwasi · 23/09/2023 10:18

He’s being unreasonable for refusing rent but then asking for £1000 a month. However, this suggests to me that he doesn’t want you there anymore.

Invoicing him for gardening and lifts makes you an utter twat!

stayingstraight · 23/09/2023 10:24

This all sounds ridiculous. Move out. Move on. Don't offer any money or expect any money.

MajesticWhine · 23/09/2023 10:27

No don't invoice him that's ridiculous.
Negotiate with him. Say that you will continue to buy all the food and do the washing and offer a lower amount. Or move out.

Trevorton · 23/09/2023 10:28

You’ve only been there a month but have paid for repairs to the property? What repairs? Did you get invoiced for these repairs?

GrumpyPanda · 23/09/2023 10:33

toomuchforonewoman · 22/09/2023 10:14

So you have been living there completely free for months and now you father suggests rent with all bills paid for £1000 a month. Go try doing that elsewhere and see how far your £1000 will go. The fact you actually mention buying birthday cards is extremely petty and entitled.

You think they're getting a bargain? 1000 for a single room in a houseshare situation? All the while buying food and providing services for the "landlord"? You're either living in NYC or Singapore or you haven't properly thought this through.

Cosyblankets · 23/09/2023 10:34

Did he ask you to do the garden?
Why should you not cook?
Why should you not clean?
If you're looking at short term rental then I'm guessing air bnb rather than actual rental as most normal rentals are at least 6 months. They won't include bills and council tax.
Either pay him or move out. The fact that he didn't have a mortgage is irrelevant you need to be looking at what it would cost you otherwise.

TGGreen · 23/09/2023 10:39

Didn't you post about him and your DH the other day?

MaggieBsBoat · 23/09/2023 10:42

Just leave!! He’s taking the piss. Even organise an Airbnb for a month til you get a rental sorted. You’ve been staying in one room so it must be manageable

bonzaitree · 23/09/2023 10:58

Leave and get your own home. As you’ve said for £1,000 a month

Nanny0gg · 23/09/2023 11:01

Cosyblankets · 23/09/2023 10:34

Why should she do it all?

I would say their 'services' make up for the lack of rent (that he apparently didn't want)

Throwncrumbs · 23/09/2023 11:08

Sounds like you moved in and took over, prob thinks if he charges you then you get rights. You say you bought all food, who eats that? You? You sound unpleasant and grabby. Move out and leave your poor dad in peace!

Throwncrumbs · 23/09/2023 11:09

Nanny0gg · 23/09/2023 11:01

Why should she do it all?

I would say their 'services' make up for the lack of rent (that he apparently didn't want)

Show quote history

He must have managed fine before she moved in a took over, poor bloke must feel his life and home has been taken over by some petulant grabby family member!

Legale · 23/09/2023 11:13

Sounds like he's enjoying having you there to do everything while you cover his bills and he doesn't have to lift a finger! Give him the £1000 minus the cost of work you've done. Although he's had a live-in housekeeper, chauffeur and cook for free, it's dubious as to whether you actually owe him anything.

Cosyblankets · 23/09/2023 11:25

Just had a quick look on air bnb for one room in my area for a month. I live in a fairly cheap area.. north west England .... can't find anything anywhere near 1000 for a month even just in one room. I'm quite shocked at that tbh

FlamingoQueen · 23/09/2023 11:43

Just move out!

Nanny0gg · 23/09/2023 11:55

Throwncrumbs · 23/09/2023 11:09

He must have managed fine before she moved in a took over, poor bloke must feel his life and home has been taken over by some petulant grabby family member!

Show quote history

Or he's sitting back letting them do it all.
He's not had to buy food or cook it for a start

margotrose · 23/09/2023 11:59

IMO, he's asking for a stupid amount because he wants you out. A month is a long time to be living in someone's pockets.

It's a bit like when builders quote ridiculous amounts for a job - they don't want to do it, but they will if you're daft enough to pay silly money for it.

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