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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Gender Equality Irritation

8 replies

RagingPMS · 21/09/2023 22:51

Today I have negotiated with Finance director, to give a decent pay increase to my female indirect report. She was on less money than others because she didn’t negotiate my offer and her experience was less relevant than some previous hires, so I took some risk hiring her. After a year, she has proven excellent in her role and so I have brought her pay in line with the rest of the team.

My (male) manager, not Finance director, has made a point repeating twice that the rise also fixes gender pay gap. I have disagreed because it has nothing to do with gender, I would have followed the same process with a male new starter. Boss has not worked with me long, so we do not know each that well. I have felt that with that statement he is partly taking away the credit for hard work of this lady, and partly “greenwashing” or implying that me original decision was anything to do with gender.

I didn’t labour the point too much, he is one of those who will have the last word on way or another, my goal has been ultimately achieved for today. But am unreasonable to feel some resentment towards seemingly a valid point?

My frustration is fuelled by something else he said. There were complaints about one former colleague, so boss asked if he was ever inappropriate with me, which he wasn’t. In fact, nobody ever has been in this company. My boss then said that it was good and he would not stand for it, if anything ever happens, I should come to him to sort it. It’s only later that it hit that this was the most sexist I was ever told in this business, him implying I need him to fight my corner. For context, I am Eastern European single mother who have reached a senior manager position in male dominate industry in the UK, I have 15 male reports, you don’t get get there and survive without learning to manage confrontation.

So, what is his deal - just a bit naive, insensitive, lacking in emotional intelligence or a closet sexist, covering up his true nature? Or am I being overly sensitive, being a hormonal woman?

OP posts:
IHateCornerBaths · 21/09/2023 23:09

It sounds to me that he was pleased there wasn’t a gender pay gap at all, you taking offence at that seems odd to me. It doesn’t take away the fact that she has earned a raise.
As your manager, surely if there were any issues, and a same level colleague needed reprimanding/suspending/firing, then he would need to sort it so I don’t see that as being sexist either tbh.

ErrolTheDragon · 21/09/2023 23:42

Maybe he thought that there had been a pay gap because 'She was on less money than others because she didn’t negotiate my offer' - he may have thought a man probably would have. It's a common phenomenon, unfortunately that women don't seem to negotiate for more pay as much as men do.

I can't see any real problem here tbh.

KrisAkabusi · 21/09/2023 23:43

"If you ever have a problem with someone being inappropriate, come to me and I'll put a stop to it."

"You sexist bastard!"

The poor guy can't win! Look at the countless threads this week about Russell Brand, complaining that male comedians/ actors did nothing to stop him. This guy is trying to prevent a similar situation in your industry and you're accusing him of being sexist.

RandomButtons · 21/09/2023 23:47

Your boss wants there to be no gender pay gap and you’re cross with him why?

ViaRia01 · 21/09/2023 23:51

I don’t think he was sexist to advise you to speak to him if you ever experienced inappropriate behaviour from a colleague. I think he said it because he is your boss and it is part of his responsibility towards you and the rest of his team.

Luno · 21/09/2023 23:54

He is your boss. If you had an issue the right response would be to inform him. I think you're totally overreacting here and seeing offence where there is only good will.

RagingPMS · 22/09/2023 06:55

Thank you, I hear you, I will take a chill pill.

I guess with pay review, the business has never actually proactively done anything to address it, we are a global organisation. He would not have said this if it was a man getting a rise.

Ref. offering support to me, fair point, what else was he supposed to say. I am just not used to anyone coming to ever rescue me.

Glad I have posted. Thanks and have a great weekend.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 22/09/2023 15:37

Ref. offering support to me, fair point, what else was he supposed to say. I am just not used to anyone coming to ever rescue me.

Reporting someone for inappropriate behaviour isn't just about rescuing you. It's also about making sure it doesn't happen to anyone else. I'm sure on reflection you understand that. Smile

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