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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that when people say 'Goodness, he's such a boy', they really mean 'Goodness, isn't he ugly'?

47 replies

orangekatie · 04/03/2008 20:54

Or am I being paranoid? Is there any way anyone could give me an answer I could ever believe? (I think he's gorgeous anyway, so I suppose it doesn't really matter...)

OP posts:

hecate · 04/03/2008 20:56

I would never think they meant that.

If they meant ugly, they'd say "striking", "expressive face" or tell you what a lovely personality he had.

To me, what a boy would mean lively, noisy (or covered in mud!)

Bluestocking · 04/03/2008 20:56

We need pictures.

Chequers · 04/03/2008 20:57

Message withdrawn

donbean · 04/03/2008 20:58

yeah i got this and it was usually related to his behaviour not looks.
got a bit wearing after a few years must admit.

this was code for "isnt he a little bastard, if he were mine id batter him senseless"

newgirl · 04/03/2008 20:58

i think 'hes such a boy' sort of sounds ok -i think they mean he looks like a real person already so i think best to take it as a compliment!

pointydog · 04/03/2008 20:58

So it's definitely a comment on his looks? Rather than personality or whatever?

If it's a comment on his looks, I'd take it as a compliment, he must just have a real boysy or mannish face (which is often a funny, lovely look).

Take it as a compliment! I bet he looks great.

talulatreefrog · 04/03/2008 20:58

I always got "isn't he a proper little boy" which i think meant that he was always messy, loud and rather large.

squeaver · 04/03/2008 20:59

Gosh, I've said this to people on more than one occasion - now I'm worried that I've offended them all!

What I mean by it is that he has very masculine features. I think some baby boys really look older than they are - like they're already toddlers at quite a young age rather than just, well, blobby little infants. In other words, handsome wee men.

It only ever seems to be boys that look like this. Honestly, I've meant it as a compliment when I've said it...!

hecate · 04/03/2008 20:59

yup, it also means "Good LORD does he NEVER shut up?"

havalina · 04/03/2008 20:59

People have said to me that ds "is such a boy" etc. I wouldn't have even thought that they meant ugly, just that he looks like a boy. Infact people have also complemented me on such a lovely little girl (ds) I don't think people mean anything with these comments, it's just something to say.

PaulaYatesBiggestFan · 04/03/2008 20:59

i felt this too - very hurtful i thought

AitchTwoOh · 04/03/2008 20:59

i've said that to people, i tend to mean that he looks like a boy rather than a girl or indeterminate baby. a lot of babies you can't tell, tbh, so i'm always surprised when they look like one or the other.

donbean · 04/03/2008 21:00

i know this because the comments changed from "such a boy...blah blah blah" to
"if that were mine it would be buried in a grave in the garden"
or "take him to the doctors, he has got one of those attention deficit diseases"

ha!

Chuffinnora · 04/03/2008 21:00

If he's a baby they mean he's handsome with a strong face and would not be confused for a girl.

If hes a little boy they mean he's spirited (I get this a lot with my spirited DS.)

FourPlusOne · 04/03/2008 21:02

If he is a small baby I would just assume that he is unmistakably (sp?) boy looking - even if he were in an unisex outfit! That's what I would mean if I said that to someone (and it would be meant in a complimentary way!).

PhDlifeNeedsaNewLife · 04/03/2008 21:02

my ds gets this but as he is too little (and far too handsome) for any other meaning, we tend to take it as a compliment.

flowerybeanbag · 04/03/2008 21:03

I hope it doesn't mean that, loads of people have said that about DS, who is now 9.5mo. I have assumed they meant what chuffinnora said.

Desiderata · 04/03/2008 21:07

What are you on about, donbean?

systemsaddict · 04/03/2008 21:07

I got this a lot when ds was little, he was a very big baby (9 lbs 15), chunkily built, and had a well-defined, 'boyish' bone structure to his face, so I always took it as a compliment on his looks, never occurred to me to do otherwise. Gave me a shock the one time someone thought he was a girl though - he never wore THAT knitted lilac cardigan again [hm possibly I am responsible for the error in retrospect]

Original poster

orangekatie · 04/03/2008 21:13

Hah, you're all quite encouraging - I was beginning to feel (after the fifth such comment in a day) that everyone was trying to tell me something! Clearly as the mother of the PFB I'll never be able to see him without the rose-coloured specs on to get a clear idea of what he really looks like, but at least it's not an acknowledged code for 'what a manky baby'...

OP posts:

SueBaroo · 04/03/2008 21:13

I say this about my ds, and I don't mean he's ugly at all. He's just a chunky, beefy little fella, not 'girly' at all.

When I see an ugly baby, I usually say "Ahh, who hit all the branches on the way down the ugly tree?" so there's no mistake.

Flibbertyjibbet · 04/03/2008 21:13

Yes you are being paranoid. Both my boys have been very cute babies and good looking toddlers, but I've had 'he's such a BOY' said about them too - because they look like boys and would never ever be mistaken for a girl.
Now I think they mean 'he's too cheeky for his own good' or 'how often have you been to A&E with them this month then?'

Joolyjoolyjoo · 04/03/2008 21:16

Oh no, I don't think it's an insult!! I've had that a lot with this wee guy, and after 2 girls, I can see exactly what they mean (I hope!) He just looks like a wee man, so different fom the girls! And he's a chunky wee guy, (and oh so handsome !)

luminarphrases · 04/03/2008 21:19

i always say this about my nephew, he's gorgeous, its just, well, he's such a boy!

with my nephew its the already cheeky grin (at 11 months old!)

snotbuster · 04/03/2008 21:20

My mother says this proudly EVERYTIME DS even looks at a toy car, train, building block etc.
I find it irritating in a go ahead and reinforce those gender stereotypes why don't you mother? kind of way. She never comments when he picks up a doll (yes, he has one) or toy tea pot.

Coming from anyone else I tend to translate it in the same way as donbean...

If OPs DS is little, think it's just one of those nonsense things that people say because they can't think of anything else when admiring your baby - lets face it they (babies) nearly all start out looking like Winston Churchill don't they? But sure OPs is gorgeous and she is just a little over-sensitive at the mo.

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