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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you think of someone drinking vodka before 9am?

27 replies

smellykelly23 · 21/09/2023 09:12

Just that really. Dropped in on a relative with known alcohol issues at about 8:30 this morning, they seemed spaced out and acting oddly. I then noticed they had a glass of orange juice with vodka on the table.

As I said, there are alcohol issues but never known them to drink at this time of day until now. It's not good is it?

OP posts:
RoseslnTheHospital · 21/09/2023 09:14

No it's not good. That's someone who is very dependent on alcohol, an alcoholic, and probably not the functioning kind.

Is there some additional stress on them at the moment?

Ponoka7 · 21/09/2023 09:15

No it isn't good. There's a possibility that they have been drinking through the night, which isn't uncommon with someone who has alcohol issues.

ChaToilLeam · 21/09/2023 09:16

I’d think that person is very dependent on alcohol and be worried.

PerspiringElizabeth · 21/09/2023 09:17

I would think that’s incredibly sad and they need masses of help

VeridicalVagabond · 21/09/2023 09:18

I'd be extremely concerned. They've either been up drinking all night, or are having vodka for breakfast - either way not a good sign in someone with known alcohol issues.

I'm sorry, it's hard to see a relative go through it.

Original poster
smellykelly23 · 21/09/2023 09:18

They usually work so would be at work at this time. But they've got a week off to use up some annual leave. From what I can gather sleep patterns are irregular, often fall asleep in the afternoon after work then up for the day at 3 or 4am. Already been shopping this morning apparently (probably for said vodka).

I've tried to help and discuss it but they don't want to know. It just feels like a new low.

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 21/09/2023 09:21

Did they tell you they were drinking vodka and orange or did you just assume having seen a vodka bottle?

Unfortunately a lot of alcoholics are in denial or not ready to accept any help.

All you can do is make them aware of the support available if they want to change.

Is this person reliant on you for help with day to day living?

Original poster
smellykelly23 · 21/09/2023 09:27

SmileyClare · 21/09/2023 09:21

Did they tell you they were drinking vodka and orange or did you just assume having seen a vodka bottle?

Unfortunately a lot of alcoholics are in denial or not ready to accept any help.

All you can do is make them aware of the support available if they want to change.

Is this person reliant on you for help with day to day living?

From their behaviour and the bottle being around I put two and two together and they didn't deny it. Well they tried to say it was from last night but I know that's not true. I could tell by their behaviour they weren't sober.

No not reliant at all. As I said they work etc. So they are functioning to all intents and purposes but they drink pretty much daily and I know not to ring or go round after a certain time as there's a high chance they'll be pissed. It's only in recent years that I've made some sort of peace with the fact that there's nothing I can do to solve it. But it's still very difficult to see.

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 21/09/2023 09:28

It sounds like this person has erratic hours and any normal routine has gone out of the window while they’re on annual leave.

Obviously they’re a big drinker.
Whether they need alcohol to function remains to be seen.

Addicts often lie through shame and denial so I don’t think you’ll get an honest answer from this person.

IHeartGeneHunt · 21/09/2023 09:29

Having been an alcoholic who would wake up and drink, I would assume they were an alcoholic.

Jellycats4life · 21/09/2023 09:29

Having seen similar play out in my own family, when alcoholism really starts to take hold, it’s common for the individual to lapse into all-day drinking when they’re not at work. In other words, work is the only thing stopping them from drinking all day, every day.

What can happen next is extreme withdrawal symptoms when they have to go back to work. Seizures, unexplained collapses etc.

I’m sorry OP. It’s hard to watch it play out when they don’t want to know.

ZolaBudd · 21/09/2023 09:31

If they are an alcoholic, they will be drinking all day every day, even when they actually don’t want to drink

SmileyClare · 21/09/2023 09:44

Jellycats4life · 21/09/2023 09:29

Having seen similar play out in my own family, when alcoholism really starts to take hold, it’s common for the individual to lapse into all-day drinking when they’re not at work. In other words, work is the only thing stopping them from drinking all day, every day.

What can happen next is extreme withdrawal symptoms when they have to go back to work. Seizures, unexplained collapses etc.

I’m sorry OP. It’s hard to watch it play out when they don’t want to know.

Edited

I agree with this.

Its quite likely that annual leave from work has led to a Fuck it I’m on a bender mindset. This is how drinkers think! A bit like saying Screw the healthy diet if you’re on holiday.

Its not great but returning to work will likely force them into a routine/ limit their down time. Down time is drinking time in their view.

Is this your parent? I’m sorry you’re so worried

dcsp · 21/09/2023 09:45

Out of interest, is there immediate risk/impact of their drinking to others? e.g. do they have children that they care for, do they drive, etc?

Whatt · 21/09/2023 09:45

I would think alkie loser

yogasaurus · 21/09/2023 09:49

No, that’s very far down the problem drinking line.

Original poster
smellykelly23 · 21/09/2023 10:03

dcsp · 21/09/2023 09:45

Out of interest, is there immediate risk/impact of their drinking to others? e.g. do they have children that they care for, do they drive, etc?

No it's just them. No dependents or anything.

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 21/09/2023 10:06

If they drive, I'd hide their car keys or call the police if you know they are driving before they hurt someone else or themselves.

Unfortunately I think they have to want help before you can help... addiction isn't something that can be solved easily.

determinedtomakethiswork · 21/09/2023 10:09

It sounds as though this holiday has given them permission to drink all day. They are probably thinking that if they were abroad on holiday, that's what they would be doing, so they can do it at home.

Are they very lonely?

SmileyClare · 21/09/2023 10:10

Not that long ago, shops couldn’t sell alcohol in the morning.

I know it’s down to personal responsibility, but it’s a bit crap that you can buy bottles of vodka in Tescos at 8.30 in the morning now 😞

24 hr drinking is so “accessible” these days.

the80sweregreat · 21/09/2023 10:12

I would feel that they had an alcohol dependency problem.
They may need help of some kind

CalistoNoSolo · 21/09/2023 10:13

There is pretty much always an open bottle of red wine by the kettle when my partner stays over, it doesn't mean we're swigging from the bottle as soon as we surface for the day. The vodka could have been from last night, or this morning. But if this person has been up since 3am, it's like having a lunchtime drink if he/she had a vodka at 9am. If this person is functioning, holding down a job and not fucking anyone else up then I would suggest it's none of your business when they have a drink.

ManateeFair · 21/09/2023 10:13

I think you definitely already know that someone who is drinking vodka for breakfast has a serious alcohol problem. I'm really sorry that you're having to deal with someone who is struggling with this.

Jellycats4life · 21/09/2023 10:14

PuttingDownRoots · 21/09/2023 10:06

If they drive, I'd hide their car keys or call the police if you know they are driving before they hurt someone else or themselves.

Unfortunately I think they have to want help before you can help... addiction isn't something that can be solved easily.

Driving is a huge concern.

I reported my relative to the DVLA because they’d already collapsed behind the wheel more than once (due to withdrawal symptoms) and I was afraid it’d happen again and they’d kill someone.

Nothing happened and they did crash their car again. Thankfully no one was hurt. Even more thankfully, they got sacked from their job and lost their car. If that hadn’t happened I dread to think how many more car blackouts would have occurred.

Maybe I should have called the police, but contacting the DVLA felt like the most anonymous way to do it.

They have alcoholic dementia now. Still drinking.

LavenderfortheBees · 21/09/2023 15:47

There are a very small number of circumstances where drinking vodka at 9am isn't very worrying. All I can think of is:

At an airport about to go on or get back from holiday.
At a fancy brunch with cocktails (still a bit early tbh)
Hair of the dog after an all night party as a student

All of those would be very very occasional for most people and only done when quite young and living a party lifestyle. Alternatively might be usual for someone who works nights where the morning is treated as the evening.

None of those sound like your relative.

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