To feel like I’ll be single forever?

[singl]

I’m 27 and have never really dated. I’ve been on dates which were awkward, I’ve kissed but never gone further than that.

My family were abusive growing up so I left at 18 for uni, and spent my time working full time whilst at uni full time. People would ask me out a lot back then, but I just felt too busy and too wary almost. Like I don’t want to be in an abusive relationship with a romantic partner and have history repeat. Also I didn’t want to tell a new partner about my “past”.

It’s also for that reason that I don’t use social media - scared of family monitoring me. The abuse did end with prison time for the main perpetrators. But don’t speak to the rest of my family at all. So there’s real animosity/risk of stalking there.

Since then, I’ve pretty much just worked after graduation - on a high salary, have my own place. I go out socially, I had someone from work ask me out about 2 years ago but that was awkward. It’s like cause I’ve avoided it for so long, it’s hard to consider dating now! Feel like all the decent men have probably been taken too. I also am a bit awkward looking which doesn’t help, no one really notices me anymore

There's a lot to talk about, but my very first thoughts were about your name and where you live. Do you live near these abusive, stalker-prone people? Do you share their surname or still use the name you were given at birth? Do you think it would be beneficial to move forward with a clean slate? Would that be possible?

Also, you're only 27 years old. You are still so, so young. There is no reason to be pessimistic.

@Aquamarine1029 thank you for posting

I live in the same city as them but not the same area eg opposite ends of London. I’ve never run into them, they don’t know where I live. Also it’s likely that neither I or them leave the house enough to accidentally meet

I did actually change my name but they know what my changed name is, luckily my middle name and surname are really common but I’m still worried.

I’ve thought about moving elsewhere but it’s different when you’re 27 vs 18. At 18 it was easy to make friends. At 27 I feel like everyone has an established life.

Hi @singl
For 27 yrs old, you've done so well! I'm 42 yrs old and still don't have my own home.
I'm so sorry that you went through a bad time with your family x
You are the kind of person a guy would be lucky to have. I went through so much in my dating life, gave up for years, even the thought of dating was so exhausting, and then i turned 40 eek, i got on tinder and swiped day and night, until i found my now husband.

Continue being the self made confident woman you are and don't give up on love, there are nice guys out there and i'm sure you'll find the one xx ❤

for me, ill admit im in a unicorn triad so to speak, that said its a mix with meeting people, usually i expand from friends outwards as then you get to know people in detail first ect,

Have you considered getting a pet? Partly for company, partly because dog walking is a great icebreaker.

Sorry for everything you have been through, it sounds tough and and harrowing. Having your own place is a massive achievement!! I hope you feel happy and proud of yourself.
I have to disagree about the good men being taken, I think mid/late twenties the dating pool is still pretty big. What hobbies and interests do you have? Have you considered having Facebook with no profile picture and a just nickname? Only for finding hobby groups, these groups tend to be private and after you ask to join get accepted, only other members and see your posts. I feel regularly participating in hobbies/interests with people can be the easiest way to make friends as an adult or find a potential partner. Alternatively have you thought about volunteering? Also how social is your work? It could be an idea to move to bigger office/ more social environment if that's possible, or try to invest more time into getting to know your current coworkers. You could ask people in your life that you trust if they know anyone to set you up with on a date (if they know you hopefully would pick someone compatible). Or you could try to use a match maker, it is not cheap, but it is much more discrete and personal than the apps

Firstly, well done on making a successful life for yourself! I hope you are proud.

Secondly, I was in the same position as you with regards to dating. I was obese throughout my teens and early 20’s and had no confidence and only left the house for work. I lost my virginity at 28 and was convinced I would ‘die alone’ as I thought any chance of a decent man had passed me by. I am in my mid 30’s now and engaged to the love of my life whom I have been together with for 3 years. Please never give up hope, as cliche as it sounds the right person will come along when you least expect it, he certainly did for me.

I agree with a PP that dogs are definitely an ice breaker and also great company when you live alone. I also agree with the recommendation to get yourself on to tinder or similar. Even if you don’t meet your soulmate through matches on there, going for coffee/drinks/dinner etc will give you experience of dates and your nerves will lessen over time.

Have fun and remember, you are fabulous as you are. You do not need a man to be happy but it’s ok to want one x