feeling stressed at work

[rainnbow]

I’m a new manager. I also manage a few new managers too at a junior grade. So as I’m learning to be a manager, so are they.

One of the new managers are okay, no concerns. We both have patience with each other but I am impressed by them, they’ve given me good feedback as their manager too to my manager. The set up is working.

The other new manager is disabled, a carer, struggled in their last job, and is finding being a manager stressful and that this new job has only added to their existing stress. They applied for this job knowing the job description, but want me to remove their line manager duties from them which I can’t do. They have already taken sick leave and I have genuinely tried to not let my newness impact them. I have put in place a lot of adjustments to support them. But ultimately they’re quite challenging to manage and I’m not getting much support myself. They find it difficult to manage the people reporting to them. I’ve offered 1-1 sessions but they don’t engage etc.

aibu to find it stressful? It’s just that conflict vs what they want and what she can be offered by the business. I’m the bearer of bad news, they already suggesting I’m not supporting them. Feels like I could get a complaint at any given time and I have no support myself

Is the new manager in a probation period? It really sounds like this role is not for them.

Have you discussed with your manager and requested some support?

It does sound like you are doing everything you can but sometimes people are just hellbent on being difficult. I can't understand why this person got the job though (unless you work in the civil service?!)

Yanbu but she needs help for your sake as well as hers.

I believe those with stress mentally need the same help as those with physical illness

If she had a bad back and needed to do physical work you would put measures in place.

Think about what measures you can put in place to help her.

Something beyond the useless websites if bland articles on ental health most companies have.

Can you send her on a management course of stress management course. CBT could help her s lot. If your company can't offer it she could ask go but there is a long waiting list and you need to be careful how you ask.

I feel for you both but I think she needs support to deal with stress

Yes civil service, they already served probation in previous CS job.

It’s clear they applied just for the salary but aren’t ready for the jump in responsibility. I’ve never met someone so uninterested in their job - even as a new manager you’d have some idea of your leadership style or things you want to accomplish. Everyone else feels they’re doing their job for them.

@Petimrose they have already used the company’s CBT, but they can access again after a year. They can get one off counselling too.

we have management courses but they don’t attend them, next time we speak I might get them to book in there and then. It’s hard because they’re simultaneously saying they’re stressed so I’m not trying to drown them in training, it’s equally hard to make them accountable for this because of their stress

That sounds like very good support that is offered. I'm impressed compared to most sectors!

In that case I take back most of my advice. Sorry.

It does sound like she's being unhelpful. That can sometimes be caused by stress. It's hard to tell.

I would gently insist she does the course. It's only fair. Whilst work has a duty to help her manage her stress, she also had s duty to work with you.

If she was off sick for long did hr devise a back to work plan,?

It could be worth talking to.hr.

Perhaps a plan to ease her responsibilities while she does the course then build them.bsck.up over the next few days or week.

I would encourage her to do CBT again too. There are light and advanced versions and some find the latter so much more helpful

Good luck

I think you need to sit down with your manager and lay the cards out on the table regarding this person to come up with a plan. Allowing them not to do parts of their job is sadly a terrible option.

Really the aim is twofold… provide them the foundation and clear expectations of the role so they know what is expected and to lay the foundation for a performance plan. You hope the improvement plan isn’t needed, but if it is you can honestly say you’ve tried your best.

Stop encouraging, stop making allowances set the bar for acceptable performance and be clear.

Allowances and encouragement are for employees who have done the job or shown willingness to do the job. From your description this manager is neither.

Oh god I’ve just been really upset over this situation, literally crying. She’s been really horrible today and can just see a complaint against me rearing. Very sassy underhanded comments etc she really can’t see she’s in the wrong

HR won’t get back to me until next week

My manager is off

Feel like I have no support

YANBU to feel like they are hard to manage- they are. You can raise this with your line manager and ask for coaching with the situation. You need to flag what this issues are and ask for help. If you can't coach this person through the situation then you need to have the evidence of what you have tried and what hasn't worked to start talking about transitioning them to a role they are better suited for. You aren't in any way to blame but you do need to take responsibility for this.

I am trying to take responsibility but feel like it’s backfiring cause they think I’m being unreasonable by line managing them! Accusations of micromanagement etc

Do you think she would quit if she really didn't like it?

Nah I think she’d go off sick and exhaust the 6 months full pay

Which honestly would be easier than having her at work

It’s tricky because her disability means she’s entitled to reasonable adjustments to enable her to do her job. Have you made a referral to occupational health? That would be my starting point for someone who has had time off sick, with a disability who is struggling in their role.

As much as it sounds difficult to manage, it’s your job to manage the easy people and the difficult ones alike. Have you asked her what she thinks needs to be in place to help her grow into her role. Is there a reason people management is particularly hard for her in the context of her disability? Would it be a reasonable adjustment for her to set aside people management until she’s up to speed with the rest of the job and then reintroduce the management part?

She may have applied for the job for the salary, is that not what we all do? She’s been assessed as having the skills needed, her disability does need to be taken into account in terms of adjusting to the job. You sound annoyed with her, and that will be colouring your view of her. Can you take a step back and maybe ask HR for support?

@Jellycatspyjamas yes referred to OH. Before they started this role they took up an equality act move with reduced responsibilities to accommodate their needs and alleviate stress but was only in the role for a few weeks…

I think they should have given that role a shot before leaving on promotion. That’s what I mean by applied just for the salary, because the job description for the promotion is adding to already high stress from personal matters. HR said another Equality act move can’t be considered at this early stage. They have been employed to be a line manager, that’s the majority of their job duties so without that there would be no work for them to do. They haven’t proved themselves at current grade either, so no level transfers would be considered by HR, ie just voluntary demotion. Ultimately they willingly applied for an unsuitable job for them

Sounds like a good solution