Tips for a mother suffering ADHD

[cantstopeating1]

I have attention deficit disorder along with being on the spectrum. I manage to hide some aspects or mask them but honestly I’m really struggling recently. House is a mess, kids have gone in this week with various items missing, such as incorrect uniform, missing homework etc. They’re primary school age so I need to do everything for them. I’m struggling: haven’t washed my hair for a week, wearing un-ironed clothes to work etc.

Had an email from class teacher today telling me she’s left a note in my DD’s planner asking for homework and for her to bring a reading book both of which still hasn’t been done. She also said DD’s got low mark in spelling consecutively for a few weeks now.

I feel a mess. I can’t cope. I’m getting stressed with the kids as they won’t sit down to do daily reading and other bits of homework.

please can I have some advice on how I get things in order? I couldn’t face trying to give them a bath today but did yesterday. I feel like such a mess and failure. I can’t keep on top of anything. Not housework, child care, cooking or laundry. Or even my own personal hygiene.

Oh and to top things off there was a parent consultation evening yesterday which started at 5pm (my slot) and I turned up at 7pm just as teachers were packing away so I missed my slot and she said I need to re-arrange for another time. I’m sure they’re talking about how I am.

It’s a learning curve being a school parent! Especially as you also work. Are you a single parent? If not, where is the kids’ dad in all this?

As a parent to an ADHD kid, I would suggest lists and routines. Buy a whiteboard for by the door. Once a week when the school news email (or whatever they do) comes out, write it all by the door. In the evening have a checklist (check DD’s planner; home readers). Work out a timetable for bedtime: dinner has to be at by 6 and done by 6.45, bath at 7, out of bath by 7.30. Buy more clocks - ensure you have one in the kitchen and one visible from the dining table.

I hope that helps.

First of all OP - a massive hug. It is really bloody hard. Lots of us with ADHD keep the plates spinning until kids come along - then that added layer of chaos is the breaking point.

Some questions first:

• Is your ADHD diagnosed? Ditto your ASD? --> I ask because if it's diagnosed medication can be really helpful for some people.
• ADDitude website has some great stuff about homework etc but to be honest you may need a week or two's reprieve on that.
• What help do you have? Is dad at home? Have you friends or family who can help out? Especially with homeworks and...
• Getting your house and self-care under control will be the start of a virtuous circle. Look at Dana White 'A Slob comes clean' for really good decluttering tips. Minimalism is the way forward with ADHD both for you and the kids.
• Get the kids a box or basket each and have an absolute unbreakable rule that things like schoolbags and uniform go into them. ONE place and one place only. Train them ruthlessly.
• Alexa runs my life. Reminds me to do school pick ups, to drink water, to eat food, to take vitamins. I can't be trusted to use my phone because otherwise I plan to set a reminder and end up playing crap games for 3 hours.
• Although the tips above are sensible, I understand how completely fucking impossible it feels sometimes. The problem is ND parents often aren't able to set the routines in motion for ourselves, never mind the kids. It's really hard OP.

Do give some more info so we can try and help you x

—Use Alexa for reminders and alarms.
-Have a what I need tomorrow box by door (full water bottle in school bag etc etc)
-have complete outfits for tomorrow including pants and socks ready the night before. if you do this there won’t be all the drama in the morning
-out of site is out of mind so have what you need out for you to see
-do reading in car on way to school. Have reading record book and pen in a plastic wallet in car

Thank you so much @SquirrelSoShiny @Robotindisguise @Tiredsotired23

dad is no help at all. Works late then does zero around the house. He’s actually like another child I have to look after. He complains there’s no ironed shirts then I have to rush in morning to get his things ready, I have no family support.

I don't know if they are any good, but there are a lot of apps now that claim to help. Also think about whether medication could help with focus. I have a friend, mum of two, who uses it to get through work and parenting. Her husband says it was life changing.