Ever feel like this? A take on Larkin's poem...

[HappyJohn]

They fuck you up, your daughter and son.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They tell their analyst all your faults
And he finds some extra, just for you.

“Toxic mums”, “controlling dads”
Social media lights the flame,
Narcissists explore new fads,
False memories expand the blame.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
You should’ve ducked the marriage bans
And not had any kids yourself.

Jesus, I’m glad you’re not my parent.

Yes, occasionally. Parenting is much harder these days. And there is a certain amount of pathologising ordinary sadness and usual setbacks.

I don't feel sorry for your kids. I have no doubt you are doing the best you can.

What about :-
"They fuck you up, your mum and dad,
They may not mean to, and it is quite sad...."

Etc etc.

It works both ways I'd wager.

Yes, that's the original poem. My parents didn't, probably because I had much lower expectations of them than Gen Z.

Brilliant.

Shades of the great Baldrick:

Hear the words I sing,
War's a horrid thing,
So I sing sing sing
......ding-a-ling-a-ling.

😪

"False memories"? Those two words speak volumes.

Baldrick is the great unacknowledged WW1 poet…

OP, the fact that it’s not a one-way thing is acknowledged by Larkin in the original poem. A certain amount of fuckuppery is handed on down the generations. I had a spectacularly dreadful childhood, but because of parents who hadn’t themselves been parented at all, and came from very poor, dysfunctional backgrounds. My siblings have taken Larkin’s advice not to have children themselves. I’m optimistic enough to think I have intelligence and self-knowledge enough to do a better job with my DS. Realistically, I know I’m far from a perfect parent, but at least he’s not parentified aged 11, and hiding his own abuse by a third party from parents he knows wouldn’t be able to stand up for him.

Why @Lentilweaver is parenting harder these days? Both my Grandmas worked( Shop assistant and the other managed a laundry). One had six kids, the other four. They worked hard to make sure there was food and all the children were clothed. There was no tv to stick the children in front of, no washing machines, no car. There was excitement over an electric mangle I remember.
Money was short in both households. They were proud that (my Mum and Dad) got into Grammar School.
They both died in their early sixties completely worn out.

I think you've pretty much proved the point of the original poem.

If you've raised narcs who get their MH from social media, that's your parenting.

And that's the difference. We raise our children not the other way round. If you messed your children up, maybe take responsibility rather than writing PA poems.

Hands up if you completely missed the point of the poem OP!

That's literally the point, that it's a cycle and unavoidable. Don't take it so personally. Larkin wasn't exactly a bundle of joy and optimism.

My grandfather fought in the Battle of the Somme. He survived but never talked about it. His brother was killed. My Mother's two uncles were killed during the war.
Today parents don't live with the fear that their children will become cannon fodder. They expect their children to survive to adulthood.

I only want to discuss this with parents of teens and young adults, tbh.😉 I thought I was doing spectacularly well until then!

Don't they just...

@Lentilweaver Just a few generations ago an unmarried mother faced shame and the possibility of having her baby taken from her. Look at the awful stories in Ireland associated with the Magdalen Laundries and try and justify why having children a hundred or seventy five or fifty years ago was easier than now.

😁

The thing is, as an adult you have options,choices and some degree of control (depending on their age). Kids don't.

I wasn't talking about 150 years ago in particular. My parents definitely had an easier time with me,than I am having with mine. And as I said, I was a spectacular parent until the pandemic hit during the teen and YA years. Then the smuggery was knocked out of me.

I am not sure what the OP means by false memories, but would like some elaboration because it is rather unclear.

Yes, I think this can sometimes happen OP. There are adult children who cannot and should not forgive their parents for traumatic, neglected, abusive childhoods. Of course this goes without saying.

BUT I think there are also more adults now who have unreasonable expectations - about what life should be like, what life should have been like when growing up. They expect perfection from their parents and can't make allowances for human failings and mistakes as they would with other people.

I don't know if I'd call it entitlement - more like the expectation that everything should be plain sailing, they should be happy, and when they aren't - bingo the parents are to blame.

I have 100% experienced this in my own family.

YABU to rewrite that poem and disrespect the cadence.

Fathers4PoeticJustice

Bah Dah CHING!

Well-played.

sad but true, especially to us parents of difficult teens

Are you sure that’s Baldrick and not a Eurovision entry?