To think my DD might have ADHD?

[VP91x]

My daughter is 5.5 years old and just gone into Year 1. Since she was about 2/3, I have spoken to her nursery and then at primary about her behaviour at home, which they have always seems quite surprised by because she's always been well behaved there and is very smart/loves to learn. She got put in an 'advanced readers' group in Reception because she reads so well as an example.

At home she is very tough to deal with (don't get me wrong we have lovely moments too), but I'm struggling. She doesn't often listen or follow instruction, even if this is for her own safety. She will just point blank refuse, or pretend she can't hear me/ignore me and continue doing it.

She gets extremely angry over small things, to the point where she will hit herself at times and say things like 'I'm so stupid, I don't know what's wrong with me' or 'I don't know how to be calm'. To be clear, I've never called her stupid or used any wording like that. When she's having these meltdowns I really try to be calm with her, breathing and then a hug when she's ready and watching these meditation videos they've used at school.

She will hit me and her dad alot, she's kicked, hit, thrown things at me. Thrown things in general. She has spat at times (although thankfully not as often as the hitting). She'll rip things up she's drawn/made when getting angry.

In shops, she just bolts off and just cannot seem to want to be in one for any period of time. Sometimes if I really need to take her with me, I just have to entertain her by little her watch something on the tablet. Same with restaurants etc on the rare occasion we go to ones.

I could go on..

Does anyone have similar experiences and found that their LO had something like ADHD?

Thank you x

Hello OP
Yep. Pretty much the same as what you've written. Does very well at school generally but her behaviour can be awful at home. Speak to your school Senco & they will be able to help with a referral and help & support for you as a parent.

Same here op. We even have sensory (clothing) issues that resulted in school refusal. But unlike @Floellabenjamin123 we've found school and the senco no help whatsoever unfortunately. It continues to be a constant battle to have our voices heard with all relevant authorities. There's a "fine at school" Facebook group which focuses on this issue. We too believe our dd has ADHD and have a growing catalogue of evidence. She's now on a pathway to diagnosis, but the waiting list is absolutely massive. In the meantime we've secured an EHCP needs assessment - with absolutely no support from the school, I hasten to add.

@Floellabenjamin123 how were the Senco team when you approached them? She's just moved into Year 1 so I'm going to schedule a meeting with her new teacher. Her reception teacher felt that she didn't need the extra support because she was so receptive as school, but I completely disagree and it's just getting worse.

@Whatafustercluck thank you ill look up that FB group. How did you secure the EHCP? If you go through a private diagnosis is this recognised by schools etc?

Also, look up Coke bottle effect. Masking at school is common among girls. And you might be better posting on the SEN boards, among people with similar experiences. You're likely to get replies here that focus on your inability to effectively manage her behaviour.

@VP91x we applied ourselves to the local authority. They asked the school for their views of course, and our request initially got rejected. But we appealed and put together a good case and the LA's decision was overturned. Feel free to DM me for advice.

I've looked for a 'fine in school' Facebook page and can't see anything?

@Whatafustercluck thank you - I will pop you over a message, I appreciate it.

@VP91x my mistake, it's actually a group (and an organisation) called Not Fine in School. It's mainly for parents of children whose anxiety is so severe that it prevents them attending, but I've seen quite a few helpful/ interesting posts on there about how schools can/ should shift their thinking and policies on different aspects of SEN.

I have adhd diagnosed. My behaviours were always consistent as a child I wasn't able to mask them. I have an asd brother and 2 asd diagnosed children and they both are able to mask behaviours in social situations but then all hell breaks loose at home I would keep an open mind in regards to which side of the neurodiverse coin she sits. My 15 year old is in mainstream school, advanced academic classes, has lots of friends, very chatty high energy and social but has and not adhd. My middle girl is more severe has all the *classic traits of asd.

You've described my child OP except he's 3.5. Pre-school thinks he's good at masking but they're on it and while they were keen not to label him they think there's something there (I raised it first and they've been fantastic). Not really sure what to do next but it's exhausting isn't it! I feel I spend all day saying "no, stop, calm down a little bit, don't throw that, don't climb that, get down, sit still..." and we also have the hitting themselves too, in quite a bad way.

@CornishGem1975 I find the hitting herself so distressing. She pulls at her hair, will hit herself with objects and get really, really upset. It's good that pre school are being helpful, I feel like I've been shutdown by her nursery/preschool and then Reception because of how she can behave whilst in those settings. I also hate that I feel like I'm always telling her to stop doing something, get down etc like you say. It's so so draining

@Sprinkles211 its hard to know where to go with it, I feel so uneducated about it all. I just want her to be happy and comfortable, so I want to support her so she's less disregulated. It must be tough for her to try and work out her emotions I feel. Could you expand on what you mean to keep an open mind on which side of the coin she may sit on? x

@Whatafustercluck thank you, I did see that group when I done a search actually. I will have a read through! x

My 8yo is similar.
Sensory issues.
Does yours have friendship issues? Does she get invited round to friends houses?

Any sleep issues?
Mine used to bolt until about 4 and half.

@AnySoln she's very sociable normally, has lots of friends at school. Often invited to parties etc. She's still young for house invites.

She always struggled with settling into sleep even as a baby, she cosleeps with me still. She doesn't want to move into her own room yet, so taking her lead on it.

My ds has adhd - he doesn’t mask at school (which comes with its own challenges!) - but the pattern you’re describing is very common with both adhd and asd.

One thing which massively helps ds when he is feeling emotional is exercise. It seems to “reset” him somehow. An example of how I would use this is he is starting to get worked up at home and I say “I challenge you to do 100 bounces” and he goes out on the trampoline. Or he’s waiting in a queue at the swimming pool pushing other children and I say “how fast can you do 10 star jumps”.

Interestingly he was a bit resistant initially but has now realised how effective it is and usually does it as soon as asked. worth a try maybe?

We also struggle with accessing enough support from school, despite the fact he doesn’t mask so they can see the behaviour 🙄