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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel upset at bf?

27 replies

partytime88 · 20/09/2023 13:17

We went on our first luxury holiday today. We are meeting some of my family out there also, but will be doing our own thing at times too. We flew overnight last night and we barely slept, but I’ve been so excited for months.
When we landed we dropped our bags off and went straight out to meet family at a theme park. It was really fun but I started flagging quite quickly and so did my bf. He has been really quiet, understandably.
The time came where I honestly felt like I was going to collapse so I said I wanted to go back to the hotel but felt really bad because bf really wanted to do this theme park. He agreed and said we should stay, with little negotiation apart from a disappointed “ok guess we will go back then”.

I said instead, I would go sit on a sunbed for a little while to have a snooze, whilst they go off on more rides, assuming he’d come find me soon.
it’s been 2 hours now and I’m still sat here.

I’m now too hot and sweaty to sleep, I can’t go inside because I’m looking after all their stuff and they won’t find me, so I need to stay put.

I can’t help but feel a bit upset that my boyfriend hasn’t come and found me in this time, and it feels he is enjoying the holiday without me. He was saying earlier that he didn’t even have the energy to communicate with me properly, but has seemingly found it with everyone else.

Am I being unfair? I’m glad he’s having fun but I feel really bummed out as well

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 20/09/2023 13:20

Message him?

Jet lag is weird. One minute you can feel completely wiped then you get second wind. Assume he’s making the most of his admission price and having fun. Let it go.

Have a good trip.

Original poster
partytime88 · 20/09/2023 13:20

I have his phone, I’m looking after everyone’s stuff which is why I can’t move and I thought he’d come sooner

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 20/09/2023 13:20

Going straight to a theme park after an overnight flight is quite full on - normally people go straight to beach/pool/something to eat etc but theme parks require a lot of energy and you might be even more tired after adrenaline from the rides etc.

can you give him a call and see where he is?

Justcallmebebes · 20/09/2023 13:22

Let it go. Its your first day, don't start off on the wrong foot with each other. Get a nice cold drink and wait in the shade

MyHornCanPierceTheSky · 20/09/2023 13:22

So you have ^everyones' mobile phones?

SBHon · 20/09/2023 13:24

Did you communicate together about when they’d all be back? If not then that’s the problem rather than him enjoying the theme park. Try and let it go and enjoy the holiday.

Are you in the shade? Is there anyone around you can ask to watch everything while you go and get a cold drink to bring back?

Createausername1970 · 20/09/2023 13:24

I think where it went wrong was landing after a long night flight and going straight to a theme park, you lost me at that point.

Yes, it is a bit unfair you are sitting with everyone's stuff but it is also a bit your own fault. Could you have not gone back to the hotel on your own and had a sleep?

Maybe DH feels he is doing the right thing by socialising with your family?

I would put this down to jetlag and miscommunication and make a mental note to be a bit more assertive in future and say what you want to do. And remember, you are not joined at the hip, you have a perfect right to go back to the hotel for a snooze, as much as he has the right to stay in a theme park.

Communication and compromise is the key.

yogasaurus · 20/09/2023 13:25

Two hours in theme park time is about 5 minutes

Original poster
partytime88 · 20/09/2023 13:26

I see your points definitely, it was booked for a family members birthday and they wanted to do it today so we had to really. And the hotel is a taxi drive away, it takes ages by public transport so it’d cost me a bomb on my own and he knows this as well

OP posts:
CatamaranViper · 20/09/2023 13:28

Tbf, some theme parks the queues can take hours. If he's gone to 'do' the park while you rested, there is a chance he's only been able to go on one or two rides in that time. Is the park large? It could also be he's gone some rides at the far side.

Can't you get a drink and read a book/relax where you are for a bit?
If it's that shit, go to a kiosk and ask them to put a call out for him as you've gotten separated or just go back to the hotel with the stuff..

Original poster
partytime88 · 20/09/2023 13:37

He seems to have a habit of losing track of time, and sometimes I just feel he values other peoples opinions (he won’t want to let the others down) over mine sometimes

OP posts:
OrlandointheWilderness · 20/09/2023 13:57

I don't understand what the issue is. You wanted to go to the hotel, he wanted to enjoy the theme park. You are not one person, chill and relax. Have a drink and a nap, read a book or go for a walk while he does his thing. Then enjoy when he comes back.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/09/2023 14:16

You're making this into an issue when it isn't one. He's making an effort with your family, you should be pleased about that.

HerMammy · 20/09/2023 14:17

You said you'd have a snooze, 2 hrs in a theme park is no time at all, calm
yourself

OldEvilOwl · 20/09/2023 14:23

He will be lucky to have gone on 2 rides by now! how long did you think he would be?

Createausername1970 · 20/09/2023 14:32

I wouldn't suggest leaving the theme park with all their stuff, that will cause more problems. I think you are going to have to sit this one out., but can you find some shade and a drink?

If he is someone who always wants to please others, then its not necessarily a bad trait. DH has a tendency to be helpful without always thinking it through. I have learnt over the years to accept it and do my own thing and not sit round waiting for him. I love him because he is at heart a good man - even though it can be bloody annoying at times.

Aprilx · 20/09/2023 14:46

YABU. You have a sunbed and you said you would be ok snoozing on it whilst they went on some rides. Two hours is nothing in a theme park, they might have only got on two things so far. I would expect them to be gone for a good four or five hours.

You probably should have gone back to the hotel, as it is, find an umbrella or a shady sun bed and have that snooze.

ManateeFair · 20/09/2023 15:31

I think if someone said to me they were going to lie on a sunbed and have a snooze, I'd assume they meant for quite a while, eg relaxing and dozing for a while with a book or whatever. Also, at a theme park everything takes a while. If he wanted to go on just two more rides and there was a 30 - 40 minute queue for each of them, that's already a long time, without all the walking between rides and all the inevitable faffing of doing anything like that in a group of people. So I wouldn't really think two hours was that big a deal. You've got a sunbed, you wanted to have a snooze. So do that.

I can understand why you're knackered and fed up because you had an overnight flight, but I'm not surprised your boyfriend was disappointed at the idea of going back to the hotel so soon when the theme park was somewhere he really wanted to go and I don't think a couple of hours is a long time at a theme park at all. You were both daft to agree that you would look after his mobile phone, but that can't be helped now.

gannett · 20/09/2023 16:14

assuming he’d come find me soon

Don't assume things. Communicate what you want. If you want someone to come and find me you in X amount of time, tell them so. How is he supposed to know otherwise? I wouldn't assume that someone who wanted to rest instead of doing a theme park would want to be bothered in two hours (which as PP have said isn't really enough time for him and your family to do the theme park properly).

The other mistake is obviously keeping all the communication devices yourself (?!) so that now you want to communicate something, you can't. It's really frustrating to be sat around unable to do what you want indefinitely which is why I can't fathom keeping all their phones too. I sympathise, but the reason to be upset isn't that he hasn't telepathically realised you want him to come back, it's that you kept all the phones.

zurala · 20/09/2023 16:22

I think YANBU. Two hours is about right for a nap after a long flight, I would expect him to come looking for you after about that time but I also think you should have specifically agreed a time before he went off. However he's a grown man capable of thinking this through himself so I would also be annoyed. Hopefully he will turn up soon, but if not do what a pp said and get a call put out for him.

ActDottie · 20/09/2023 16:37

You wanted a rest he didn’t, you went to have a rest and are now complaining? It was silly to go straight to the theme park anyway imo.

Purplewarrior · 20/09/2023 17:00

I voted YABU as I wouldn’t have offered to look after everyone else’s shit and stay in a theme park.

Tbh it was always a shit idea to go straight there from the flight.

I think you will have to suck it up and be more assertive in future.

DoItAgainPlz · 20/09/2023 17:04

First day of a holiday? I would have found the energy tbh.

towriteyoumustlive · 20/09/2023 17:08

Sounds like he's having fun!

It's quite normal to suddenly find a burst of energy and overcome extreme tiredness!

sandragreen · 20/09/2023 17:35

Overnight flight with no sleep and straight to a theme park? Sounds pretty stupid to me.

Why didn’t you just go back to the hotel? You’re stuck now, not much you can do about it.