MIL phoning me?

[judiex]

How often is too often?

I think i've let it go too far with MIL, and I would preferably want to avoid any confrontation or tension. She phones me about 5 times a day, majority of the time to do some translating or just tell me about her day. Its not that it bothers me that she calls, but with a toddler running all corners of the house alongside housework, sometimes I just don't have the energy to have 4/5 conversations with one person. She's also the sort of person to insist and call a dozen times if I don't answer a message or phone call within 5 minutes.

I want to approach this as nicely as possible, as again, I don't want any issues, and would love for us to maintain a good relationship, but don't know how to tell her that she calls too often, and sometimes is just too needy and I don't have the energy for it.

Any suggestions?

I wouldn't say anything I'd just miss most of the calls and out your WhatsApp to no read receipts. Pick up same time every evening at eight say ah just picking up my messages first chance for a sit down.

Five times a day?! Fucking hell, I'd have put an end to this ages ago. You need to be polite yet firm. You just don't have the time for so many phones calls, so please limit them to one a day. Even that is bonkers, but if you think that's acceptable go with it.

I'd find even daily calls too much, so can understand why this seems overwhelming. Stop being on constant call. Mute your phone and call back or message once a day, perhaps after the your toddler is in bed.

If weaning her down to once a day is too big a leap, try twice a day, later going down to once. It might be possible to teach her how to treat you without having to have any form of conversation, especially if you're worried about harming the relationship. If she starts asking why you haven't responded immediately, say you're busy, or were out with friends, or were doing something else.

It isn't reasonable to expect a response within 5 minutes, but hopefully this will be enough for her to get the message. If you ever break your precedent, immediately get back on track and reinforce the twice a day mesage.

Setting a new routine might eventually break the habit, although this is unlikely to happen overnight.

There is no single person on earth who I would take a call from 5 times a day whilst running about after a toddler.

5 times a day?!?!

Where is your dh? My ils never had my mobile number....
<shudders at thought >

I want to approach this as nicely as possible, as again, I don't want any issues,

Accept now that it will cause issues. You can say it in a nice a way as possible but she still won't like it. But that's not your problem. What is your problem is that she is ringing you ever day.

and would love for us to maintain a good relationship,

What do you mean maintain a good relationship? That would indicate it's good now, it's not good now as it's only serving her. Your feelings are valid.

I'm sorry but you sound like a total push over. You need to understand that your needs and feelings are worth asserting.

Tell her directly that you are too busy to take the call and say that you will call her back. Then call her back at the end of the day. Do this for a week or two. Then cut back again so it's one call everyother day.

@FluffyCloudsofShit has an excellent plan.

"Tell her directly that you are too busy to take the call and say that you will call her back. Then call her back at the end of the day. Do this for a week or two. Then cut back again so it's one call everyother day."

Definitely do this. If she calls again before you call her at the end of the day, do not answer. If she asks why you didn't pick up, remind her, a little firmly, that you told her you were busy and that you'd call in the evening.

You seriously need to manage this woman's expectations.

Just don't answer.

I'd wind it back gradually. Don't take every call, let at least one a day to start with go to voicemail. Then be unable to chat right now - offer to call back later (and then do not pick up any calls until that time).
You have become her go-to time filler so you need to start pulling back a bit on that. 5 times a day is utterly bonkers.

Yep this is a good way to go

But the MIL is obviously not a reasonable person (4-5 calls a day - WTF??!) so will worry that something has happened to OP if lots of missed calls and will probably call all the more til she picks up. Think a clear and direct instruction is needed along the lines of - all these calls every day are too much for me, MIL. I need much more headspace and time to do my stuff and will talk to you every other day / once a day (whatever is acceptable to you, OP). Maybe recommend she calls her DC ( there's an idea!)

Set up your phone so her calls are forwarded to her son.
One call a day is too much, this woman is using you as a boredom device and you're allowing it. Simply don't answer.