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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset by this comment made by my mum

21 replies

Cantbelieveeee · 19/09/2023 19:45

I’m in my late twenties and I have a 4 year old. I’m a single mum due to break down in my relationship. I’ve brought her up alone with no help from her dad. I’m currently looking for a job and have even got help from recruitment agencies, worked on my CV with them, applied for so many jobs. Today my mum said ‘your brothers names are hardworking, it’s a shame it hasn’t rubbed off on you’. I feel deflated by this comment as I am trying so hard to find a job and have raised my daughter alone

OP posts:

bootsvsshoes · 19/09/2023 19:47

I’m sorry she isn’t more understanding, you sound like you’re doing a great job. Hugs to you x

Trying2bemum · 19/09/2023 19:47

That’s a really unhelpful and hurtful comment :((

You’re doing a brilliant job by the sounds of it. Please ignore your mum and keep your self belief strong.

minipeony · 19/09/2023 19:48

How rude! Have nothing more to do with her

Cowlover89 · 19/09/2023 19:54

Please don't let what she said get to you. I know easier said than done. You're doing a great job! X

Shopper727 · 19/09/2023 19:58

Jeez harsh, do your brothers have sole care of a young child. Life happens sometimes that’s so nasty, mums should be building you up not making you feel crap. Distance yourself

UpaladderwatchingTV · 19/09/2023 20:04

Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear that your Mum was so careless with your feelings OP. I hate parents who compare their kids achievements at the best of times, but it sounds like you've done really well in caring for your child alone, and not through choice, but also to have prepared and started looking for full time work. Please tell her how hurtful her comment was, and that it's her job as your Mum to build you up, not try and shoot you down in flames by comparing you to your brothers, who doubtless have the support of a good woman behind them, or are able to work without having to constantly think about other major responsibilities, like a child. Good luck with the job hunting, I'm sure you'll find something soon.

TomatoSandwiches · 19/09/2023 20:06

Being a single mother IS hard work so she is wrong for implying you are workshy and rude for ignoring the fact you have some obstacles in the way of finding paid work when I assume your brothers have no such constraints.

Ignore her, she sounds ignorant and unhelpful, keep doing what you're doing, you will get a job and you will progress.

MrsMous · 19/09/2023 20:07

Go low contact. That was a nasty thing to say . Your doing well OP, keep striving and you’ll get there

PonyPatter44 · 19/09/2023 20:08

Bringing up a small child alone and job hunting at the same time is bloody hard work! Ignore your mum, she's talking out of her bum!

Luuucieandevs · 19/09/2023 20:20

How rude. I would distance also. I would imagine that sort of comment won’t help with your confidence. You sound like you’re doing a great job, don’t take it to heart as hard as that would be x

Atethehalloweenchocs · 19/09/2023 20:36

The right answer to that is 'that's uncalled for mum, I am applying for lots of things'.

birker · 19/09/2023 20:37

Did she work full time and raise you single handedly? I bet not

determinedtomakethiswork · 19/09/2023 20:37

Think of one of your friends' lovely mums and say to your mother, "friend's mum is really lovely. It's a pity you're not like that."

Onceuponaheartache · 19/09/2023 20:38

You have a full time job as a mum. Doing it with a partner is hard work, doing it with a co-parent is harder. Doing it completely alone makes you hardcore!!

Your mum is being a bitch @Cantbelieveeee don't give it another thought.

Finding a job that works around affordable childcare is hard. Good luck!!!

Dotcheck · 19/09/2023 20:38

minipeony · 19/09/2023 19:48

How rude! Have nothing more to do with her

How is this helpful?
Would that really be better than talking it through like adults?

ny20005 · 19/09/2023 20:42

My dm expects different things from me than my brothers.

I don't let her away with the crap comments. I pull her up for them every time & she's stopped.

Tell her how hurt you were by the comment & if she don't let her away with any more comments like that

minipeony · 19/09/2023 20:43

Dotcheck · 19/09/2023 20:38

How is this helpful?
Would that really be better than talking it through like adults?

Show quote history

Her mum isn't acting like an adult so there's no point

Hotsaucegal · 19/09/2023 20:45

sending love, sounds like you are doing your best and mad how other(in this case your own) mothers don’t recognise how much hard work parenting takes ❤️

Reallybadidea · 19/09/2023 20:54

What an unpleasant thing for her to say! I hope she worked when you were a child, otherwise she's a hypocrite too!

momonpurpose · 19/09/2023 21:00

Op this comment says much more about your mom then it does you. You sound like you are doing a great job

MariePaperRoses · 19/09/2023 21:03

If your relationship with her is usually ok, speak to her about what she said.

First of all it's mean to compare siblings. It may create rivalry and tension between siblings and no loving parent wants their children at odds with each other.

Ask her why she thinks you're not hardworking when you are doing your best to raise your child and are actively seeking employment?

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