To be missing out on stuff because I'm scared of driving

[AfterTheRainComesSun]

We are considering buying a house soon-ish and we could get a much nicer place if we moved slightly further out but I am scared of driving and I fear this could potentially be an issue if we moved somewhere with less amenities. I have a licence but haven't driven for many years and I was never a confident driver. I feel I am potentially missing up on a lot of freedom by not driving, like the house matter for example and also be able to drive DD to places if we have activities or parties, drive to the gym I want to go to and just generally be able to be more independent and master an important life skill.
Has anyone been in a similar situation and how did you overcome that?
We do have a car but I haven't driven for so long that I am now scared of doing so and the thought of taking a few practice rounds makes me very nervous. I think I need to bite the bullet and pay for a few lessons, don't I?

My Mum’s friend used to get up really early on a Sunday morning and practice driving to new places when the roads were quiet.

Definitely have a few lessons to get your confidence back! Also, do you drive an automatic? If not, is there any way you could switch to one as it'll take fear of stalling and hill starts out of the equation.

I'd say so. Can you afford a small second car, maybe an automatic so it's simpler? That way if you have a knock it's not "the" car. And absolutely do some refresh lessons. Be proactive and go for it.

Take some lessons! Then practise when the roads are quiet, perhaps with someone calm and supportive in the car.

Good Luck!

Have some lessons, lots of people do when they've had a break from driving.

Consider an automatic car, much less stressful to drive. I'd never go back.

It's not much how to drive a car that is the problem (no, never drove an automatic) but it's the roads I am mostly nervous about - scared of hitting another car, not knowing where I am going, finding google maps difficult to follow whilst I am focusing on driving etc. I also feel I am not that good at road signs and roundabouts make me sooo nervous

Just book yourself some lessons and get back into it.

What is it that scares you? Maybe try writing it down here so people can try and rationalise your thoughts.

I love driving but HATE parking. Driving from A to B is fine. Google Maps even makes directions easy (I used to fear getting lost!) so the only bit I don't like is parking at the other end. I use Google Maps to suss the parking out!

I totally understand this anxiety. I'm the same about driving above 40 miles an hours as I've never really driven outside a city. But what I do know is the city journeys/ scenarios that used to scare me (certain junctions/parking etc) really don't any more. The only way is to do it over and over again. I agree that starting at quiet times and some lessons will really help. I'm not sure I will ever get myself on the motorway though but that doesn't impact my current lifestyle

The journeys you are talking about are smaller local ones where you will get to know the route very well and it will become second nature. No need to get into longer journeys at this point. You can even follow your route on Google Streetview beforehand so you recognsie where you are going, familiarise yourself with which exit off the roundabout you'll need etc.

From a saferty perspective you're not going to go mowing down pedestrians or ramming into other cars (because that's not something nervous people do, it's something careless people do), which means the worst case scenario is a clipped wing mirror or a scrape in a car park kind of thing. And that's still unlikely to happen, I'm just mentioning it in order to show you that the thing you fear is still relatively minor and something you can abosolutely cope with.

You can do this!

I was just like you. DH and I moved to a semi rural location not long after we got together, and I basically HAD to drive. I took a few refresher lessons, and basically made an effort to get around, driving here and there to get used to things. But what find really helpful is an automatic car and a really good satnav!. I still don’t exactly drive hundreds of miles, but I can get around in the local county and beyond and wouldn’t have believed this possible 10 years ago. EVERY time I got in the car, I would worry: these days, I don’t think twice about it.

You've just described me op I don't know how to help as I'm struggling with this and I only do local journeys that I know so watching with interest.

Exactly this happened to me when we moved out to the country. In the end I just got in the car and drove it. Stressful for a few weeks but now I don't think twice. Id agree with getting a couple of lessons though, especially if you will have to drive into town a lot.

It sounds as if you need more lessons to confidence build and also practice somewhere quiet. I also bought a TomTom for directions I can hear. I used to only drive fairly locally and not long distance because I was a bit nervous despite driving for 30 plus years. Then my husband left and I refused to allow myself to not venture further. Now I do and will drive anywhere. It's no issue at all!

Just practice on a few local journeys where you know the way and don't need Google Maps. Start with going round the block a few times, then drive to the supermarket, that sort of thing. And really, if you get lost, it's no big deal, just pull up and check the directions in your own time. I often think I know better than the GPS and invent shortcuts that aren't there.

The worst that can happen is a very minor accident.

I find the street view on google maps really handy. If Im going somewhere new I use that to take a virtual drive first and pick out landmarks. It's a good to familiarise yourself with roundabouts and motorway junctions without any worry.

I totally understand I passed my automatic test 7 years ago and have always been anxious driving. Unfortunately the only thing that really has helped is just doing it, driving new routes experiencing all the different types of roads, motorways, roundabouts etc, and just gaining confidence! I've just taken a job where ill be driving loads to unknown places. I could never have done that a couple of years ago! Take a couple of lessons to brush up and then just get out and practice!

You do have to just do it really. I never really liked motorways (and don't use them, here in Wiltshire - there are none within 30 miles) and then I did a 300 mile drive to North Yorkshire on a Friday night. 25 miles in it dawned on me that they are boring rather than scary!

The main thing is not to do things like panic change lanes at junctions and roundabouts. Wrong lane? No bother, just safely follow the road and the sat nav will recalibrate, or you can turn around somewhere.

Sort of, I didn’t drive for years after test, but then had to for work.

Having your own car is best way - it’s all just practice. Have some lessons and then do lots of pootling -quiet times to start. It will limit your life probably so push on with it.

I was in this exact position. Didn't drive for a few years but when I got pregnant realised I had to drive again otherwise I'd have a very lonely and boring maternity leave.

I got an automatic car to make everything as simple as possible and had some refresher lessons. I'm never going to like driving and I will always have anxiety around driving roads I don't know but I can get about now.

This happened to me OP, I got out of the habit of driving during covid and then found I had become really nervous about it.

I just decided I had to get back into the habit, so I did. It was scary at first but now I drive most days, I even drive to work now. I did consider lessons too as a refresher although didn’t go down that route in the end, it might have been helpful though.

Don’t end up like my MIL - she gave up driving in her 40s and was fine until her 60s as FIL drove her everywhere. Then he died and now she’s in a semi-rural location and reliant on a not great bus service to get anywhere 😔

The only way to gain confidence is to get behind the wheel, however I know it’s easier said than done. I’d take a refresher course before hand though. Another poster mentioned going out when the roads are quiet, good advice but go out at times when it’s not so quiet too, so you’ll learn to cope in all weather and road conditions.

I can relate to this. I learnt to drive late and am still nervous. I tend to stick to the roads I know. I'm fine in our neighbourhood (so happy to take children to friends houses, local activities etc.).
I'm also fine going north of our city which is all beautiful country roads.
However, I'm terrified of driving through our city which is just so confusing, lots of lanes, bad signage and aggressive driving. I'm also scared of busy motorways.
Usually I get by just fine but sometimes I feel stuck. E.G. This weekend DH is away. I wanted to take the kids to an event but I'm not familiar of the route. I'm just too scared! It's ten minutes in the car or an hour by public transport (three buses) so we're just not going which is such a shame.
The only thing that helps me is getting to know a route thoroughly. I have to do it several times so I know it inside out - memorising every single lane I'm supposed to be in, learning all the tricky parts of the journey.
Start slowly, do a few practice drives late in the evening in a quiet area, then start learning routes you'll use like to one of your children's activities.

@AfterTheRainComesSun you only have two choices here. Either start driving again or accept you need to live somewhere that you don’t need to drive.

@bluegreenandcoral is there any reason why your MIL can’t move home? My DM moved to a flat opposite local shops and close to a doctors surgery when she could no longer drive.

A friend of mine was exactly like this - she'd passed her test years ago but never needed to drive and so got really out of practice and then felt really nervous and it sort of spiralled so she got the point where driving terrified her. Please book some refresher lessons with a driving instructor - it's not that uncommon and they're well used to nervous/out of practice drivers of all kinds. Getting back out there with a confident professional by your side will improve your confidence in no time.

Jesus, I find this thread terrifying! All these people on the roads who can't confidently drive. The idea that you can just stick to your local roads and that way you won't have an accident is nuts!