Annoyed with myself

nerdandgeek · 2023-09-18T20:22:02+00:00

I'm such a cow. I have bipolar type two and I'm stable but something I get so angry over things that are ridiculous and I regret after Tonight I lost my shit at DH as he was late home didn't let me know I'd cooked his tea and he had eaten out. I ended up shouting and bashing in a six Pinter of milk. It doesn't happen a huge amount but when it does I feel rage. Doesn't help he's calm. I feel really bad and wonder when he will bugger off and leave me

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 18/09/2023 21:29

Well, you know your reaction was angry and you shouted but you should be clear in your own mind that it’s not like you just blew up at him. He was totally thoughtless. Who stays out late and eats out without having the courtesy to tell the person cooking? Did he sit calmly and let you feel like the angry person who did everything wrong? Or did he apologise for his part in it?

MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 18/09/2023 21:39

If this was the other way round Mn would be tripping over themselves to tell you it's abusive/LTB!

Original poster

nerdandgeek · 18/09/2023 21:44

Look I'm not excusing it at all.
Sometimes as part of my MH condition I struggle to express myself properly.

OP posts:

XenoBitch · 18/09/2023 21:48

He was thoughtless, and you were right to be angry, but bashing in a load of milk is way over the top. It is great you acknowledge that, but it is violent and no one should have to put up with that.

LemonQuiche · 18/09/2023 21:49

MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 18/09/2023 21:39

If this was the other way round Mn would be tripping over themselves to tell you it's abusive/LTB!

100% this

Startstruck · 18/09/2023 21:52

I consider I have pretty stable MH but I'd be furious about that too. There would definitely be shouting.

MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 18/09/2023 21:58

In our house it would be a non issue

Goes in the fridge for someone else/next day or whatever, not a cross word would be exchanged. Nobody has been slaving over hot stoves on a Monday night

Violence is not acceptable.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 18/09/2023 22:03

You owe each other an apology. He should have told you he wouldn't be home for dinner, you shouldn't have reacted quite as angrily as you did. Talk to him.

Butterkist8 · 18/09/2023 22:21

Missed suppers and late dinners happen.
You don't need to bash things about.
To feel rage isn't normal.

You admit that you're bipolar so maybe get a medication review?

ProbablyNotMad · 19/09/2023 01:17

You cannot help the anger welling up but you need to find a way to be able to express it safely. Can you think of an action that you could do that might help sooth your rage when you feel it bubbling?

I have a disorder which makes me very impulsive, especially when having a manic episode. I have created a mantra using words I find calming that I repeat to myself when I realise that I am spiralling. I have also found a calming, comforting action that helps me too. I sort of press my left fist to the right of my chest just under my collarbone. Simple things that for some strange reason helps me a lot. It doesn't always work but the more I do it the easier it is to calm myself so I don't get so overwhelmed and do something stupid.

You need to find something that works for you. Words, an action(s), holding an item, a sound/music, it could be anything.

Startstruck · 19/09/2023 07:48

I don't think it's OK to know someone is cooking dinner for you and not let them know you won't be there? Obviously OP needs to do something about her temper, but don't pretend she had no right to be annoyed.

Deathbyfluffy · 19/09/2023 07:51

Startstruck · 19/09/2023 07:48

I don't think it's OK to know someone is cooking dinner for you and not let them know you won't be there? Obviously OP needs to do something about her temper, but don't pretend she had no right to be annoyed.

Annoyed yes, violent no.
If this was done the other way around there’d be much less leeway.

Ollifer · 19/09/2023 07:54

He was thoughtless and should have contacted you to let you know about dinner of course. But getting violent and aggressive over it is way over the top and completely wrong, bipolar or not. You can't use that as an excuse op, you need to get help to manage your emotions and behaviour. It's abusive and he'd be well within his rights to leave.

Mookie81 · 19/09/2023 08:06

Mildly annoying, she could have stuck it in some tupperware and put it in the fridge for tomorrow's lunch or dinner.
Yelling and getting violent is inexcusable so stop with the bullshit 'you can't help it/you're right to be annoyed'.
Men rightly don't get given that as a pass, MH or no MH. Go and do something about it if that's how you behave.

justdavid · 19/09/2023 08:16

Expressing what you are feeling is really normal because it's part of us a human. But we should learn how it can cope up with our anger safely. At least you are aware that you feel bad about doing it. Maybe next time, try to calm yourself first before bursting out.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/09/2023 08:20

I agree that you had good reason to be annoyed. But violent tempers aren’t ever acceptable.

You do need to find a way to control yourself when you feel anger welling up inside you.

But he also, as a separate issue. needs to be less thoughtless. That wasn’t an ok thing to do.

arenamarina · 19/09/2023 08:46

So I'm the OPs friend and responding to this on her behalf

Firstly she isn't making excuses- she recognises she was wrong. She is a lovely person just struggles sometimes

Am appalled at some of the responses this is a woman with significant MH condition whose come on so so much. So proud of her. It isn't an excuse but this is part of how she struggles.
The milk was bashed prior to him coming home after the phone call she finally received.
Shouting was verbally over phone. Once home she doesn't like conflict in the house and as usual her amazing DH hugged her and they chatted.

Frankly I find some of the responses on here absolutely awful educate yourselves on living with bipolar. It's difficult for them both. Friend found out the tough that mumsnet isn't a safe place to express herself.

arenamarina · 19/09/2023 08:50

Might I also add that she explicitly said above she recognises it isn't right.

To those who were respectful- thank you

There will be no further response to this thread from her or me.

Orange67 · 19/09/2023 08:50

arenamarina · 19/09/2023 08:46

So I'm the OPs friend and responding to this on her behalf

Firstly she isn't making excuses- she recognises she was wrong. She is a lovely person just struggles sometimes

Am appalled at some of the responses this is a woman with significant MH condition whose come on so so much. So proud of her. It isn't an excuse but this is part of how she struggles.
The milk was bashed prior to him coming home after the phone call she finally received.
Shouting was verbally over phone. Once home she doesn't like conflict in the house and as usual her amazing DH hugged her and they chatted.

Frankly I find some of the responses on here absolutely awful educate yourselves on living with bipolar. It's difficult for them both. Friend found out the tough that mumsnet isn't a safe place to express herself.

What did your friend want from this thread?

Being bipolar isn't a GOOD excuse for "bashing milk and shouting", there's no good excuse for anyone behaving like that over a missed meal. Her DP was thoughtless yes but don't start a thread when you've been unreasonable and expect everyone to tell you it's okay.