Is this depression or just life?

[wWwT]

I pretty much always feel sad about life but I do often enjoy it.

I have a wonderful son (nearly 2), single parent, hard job but pays well. Nice home, nothing amazing. I’m 36 so not old but not young either I suppose.

I would say I have this dark feeling as life isn’t what I planned… I don’t like being single, I’d have loved a marriage, can’t really see that happening now and in any case it makes me sad that I’ve reached this age and it’s not already happened… no memories doing all the ‘big things’ with someone. BUT I’m not sure I feel sad just about that. I have always felt a bit sad about life. I think it is sad. Death, relationships, people let you down, bad things happen etc. I know on the flip side there are many wonderful times but I don’t think they outweigh the bad, the monotony, the ultimate tragedies that we all face one way or another… we’ll all lose people, we all experience horrible times, nobody really escapes it.

I guess I am wondering if this is actually depression and I don’t recognise it? Or maybe my life is just rubbish?! I don’t know.

I had this for ages. Then I thought I was dying and had a “fuck I want to live” moment. Several of them actually. It switched my whole viewpoint to gratitude for the things I do have. You sound a bit depressed, perhaps a bit worn down?

You do sound as if you’re a bit depressed. I know everyone says this, but make sure you take time to do something you enjoy.

@Garath I just don’t think life is that great? It’s nice, some amazing moments definitely… but overall I feel ‘meh’ about it. It all seems so pointless. We’ll all be dead and none of it matters, none of it is ‘real.’ I can’t take anything seriously anymore, I don’t do anything drastic because of that but when I read about a new law that’s come in etc or someone being sued for not paying a debt… it all seems almost comedic.

I think there is a distinction between clinical depression and what I call "shit life syndrome" which presents like depression but isn't caused by an imbalance of chemicals in the brain, rather, it's caused by, well, having a shit life.

The good news is, you can make changes for shit life syndrome but there is no cure for clinical depression - just medication to numb the feeling.

I felt exactly the same in my mid thirties. Normal struggles but good job and happy marriage but I felt empty that there was no point to anything. Eventually went to see doctor expecting to be told I was depressed but he was very thorough and took blood tests which showed I had a very under active thyroid. Immediately prescribed medication and felt back to me within weeks. Please get checked out and hopefully will be a simple solution like mine

I don't think you're depressed. But you're definitely not happy - time to make some changes to your life, I think

I dont know if it is depression or not.
But I do think you need to make some changes to your life?
What makes you happy? Being in the countryside? Being at the seaside? Being inside a church?

I dont know how long you spend on social media? Or how long listening to the news?
Both of those things, to excess, can twist your outlook on life.

Just noticed the poster above, used the same words about making changes to your life!

You sound fatigued and disillusioned to me

Make real effort to invest time in things you enjoy, look after your body, sleep well, exercise etc. It does make a difference, I find, but you have to put the work in.

I feel the same and question the same thing.
I have started doing short sharp bursts of exercise purely for the endorphins...it's sort of like my antidepressant. It definitely helps but it's not tackling the cause of my feeling which I guess is that I always valued having a marriage for life and a stable home for my children. I don't have either now. So I've got to come to terms with that somehow. I've not worked that out yet.

Nah it isn’t pointless. Time exists forever. It’s true you have a limited chunk of time to do stuff in… but that time won’t ever be “gone”. It’s still there, in the same way that London is still there when you go to Edinburgh. You may not be in London right now but it’s still there. You may not be in 2022 right now but it’s still there. Same thing.

And yes, you are depressed. Maybe get your bloods checked, vitamin deficiencies can make you feel like that.

This author writes about how you seem to be feeling - https://www.waterstones.com/book/feeling-blah/tanith-carey/9781801292375

Existential angst?

I tend to agree, ultimately life is fairly pointless and there's lots of suffering and terrible things that happen.

But as you said, there's also plenty of parts that you enjoy, so it's really a question of whether you find it a problem.
If you're keen for a label or more information, maybe look up "atypical depression". When I read about it, it resonated and in many ways it seemed to be another name for existential doubts.

If you'd like to feel more enthused and positive about things, Positive Psychology (Martin Seligman is the founder and one of the most knowledgeable experts in it) has some useful tools to help you feel happier, more contented and more energised by life.

Coursera has a great free set of courses, called something like "Introduction to Positive Psychology" - totally free, read through at your own pace, lots of useful tools - I found it very useful.

Are you actually unhappy, or is this just your philosophical outlook on life which you're exploring, and you're ok with it? Either is fine.

If you'd like to make changes, what changes might get you closer to where/how you'd like to be?
Or if you don't want to, what mental reframing might make it nicer to stay where/how you are?

Being a working single parent to a young kid can be gruelling and relentless- I did it for many years. Do you get any free time to yourself to enable you see friends/pursue hobbies or date? Or is it just work/childcare?

I relate a bit. Since I was a child, I always thought life was rather painful and we all have to go through hard times whether we like it or not. As a teen, I wondered why some people were so vehemently against abortion, thinking life was so tough and none of asked to be born, we are just forced into existence (rather nihilistic I suppose!).

I've had a much easier adult life so far. However, I still see poverty, climate change, working til we are 80, cost of living and think life is hard for most people.

I try to find things I enjoy and fill my free time with friends, hobbies etc and I always have something in the calendar to look forward to. I find this helps.

I guess the 'point' is to enjoy the fleeting-ness and make it as happy as possible, recognising that it's all very temporary.
Just trying to give you another spin on things?
I think feeling jaded like this can be a form of depression.

Same. I’m mid thirties. Have a lot going for me these days - financial stability, a good job with lovely colleagues and boss, happily married, live in a really nice area, physically healthy.

And yet, I feel like my life is over and I’m just going through the motions each day. I can’t really explain it. There’s a slight sense of waiting for something to happen.

This might all stem from being raised in an abusive household, and there are difficult and ongoing family issues that can’t be fixed. I also felt beautiful in my twenties and I’m now very overweight, and my self worth is negligible.

The comment above about nothing being real really reflects my feelings. Even though I believe in an afterlife and the meaningfulness of life.

It’s a horrible, grey sadness that’s seeped into me and now it feels like this is how it is forever. And while I hope that’s not true, I can’t see that things are likely to change.

I can identify with this. Late 30s, married, good job, house etc but have lost the optimistic hopes and dreams I used to have. I have some lovely times (i.e. holidays) but day to day is pretty meh, and realistically there's not much I can do to drastically change it.

I think we are told to do certain things- fall in love, get married, but a house, have a DC, build a career. Then once we get middle aged and have those things we realise they don't bring us the happiness we expected.

It's a let down.

It's smaller day to day pleasures that make life worth living. Spend time with friends. Do day trips. Have hobbies. Go on new experiences. Practice a skill. Be creative. Learn new things. Happiness is what you do not what you have.

I think the point of life is to fully experience it with people you love