My partner was a carer for his mother for several years before we met. 4 years on we live together and have a baby. MIL never accepted him moving on and not being available 24/7. Since our baby was born she has been harassing him constantly. Sometimes it’ll be silly things like asking for him to change a light bulb but other times she has faked illness so he worried and went straight to her to find out she was fine and exaggerating. He told her to stop so he can focus on our new baby but this just made it worse. He doesn’t want to upset her so a lot of the things he does for her but I feel like it’s slipping back into carer territory and he’s missing out on time with us. She had a meltdown because he wouldn’t come over for tea at the weekend (I wasn’t invited) and asks to see the baby daily despite us being over an hour drive away. She has professional carers and other support now so she isn’t alone but she is still constantly demanding my partner does everything for her and it’s starting to make me angry if I’m honest. He had no quality of life before meeting me because he had to be there for her all the time, she obviously didn’t like this and sees me as stealing him away. I get on great with her and we have a good MIL DIL relationship despite this, but these issues are going to come between us all because I feel she is being selfish and denying us time as a new family. I didn’t get involved before but I have now started telling my partner he shouldn’t go because he’s needed here to help with the baby. I feel like I’m in a position of controlling him vs being a doormat. The first weekend our baby was here I was alone because he had to stay with MIL after a fall and she didn’t want anyone else. He knows I can’t forgive him for that because she was fine and had offers of help elsewhere. He’s not a mummy’s boy at all despite how it looks and they’re actually not close at all, he just does his best by her as she’s his mother but they don’t have a close relationship in general. Obviously I don’t want them to stay apart they should have a mother son relationship, but I feel her demands are too much now and I’m getting resentful at how often he is at her house vs being home with us. She has even started pushing boundaries into texting me to tell my partner he HAS to do xyz for her or that I should be doing xyz.
How do I deal with this without hurting anyones feelings? AIBU to think he should stop helping her so much and certainly doesn’t need to pop in for tea etc with a brand new baby waiting at home?