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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Did this just prove my concerns?

10 replies

ellie09 · 18/09/2023 14:13

A few months back I had concerns over a girl on my boyfriend's Facebook. I am not usually the jealous type, but I did notice a pattern.
They liked each others photos (just them, never the ones with each others partners etc). Every status update they both put up, they were liking them, apart from the ones concerning me, or her boyfriend. Her photos were all deliberately posed with tits out etc.

Anyhow, I had confronted him about the pattern I seen, as he never seemed to bring up this girls name despite having a few female friends that I was aware of.

He had met her off Tinder a few months before meeting me. They met for coffee once (so he says) but it didn't progress as they seemed more "friendly" than "romantic" and she was also not his type because she was "fat" (I don't think she is, but these were his words). He said he liked her posts and photos to be "friendly".

Obviously I had challenged him on what he actually thought a "friend" was, as I certainly don't have men I had met once on Tinder on my social media. He said they helped each other through the trauma of their past abusive relationships but had only met face to face once.

Anyhow, I told him I thought this was weird, as "friends" especially those helping you through past trauma, would also be liking your posts and photos with your other half etc and I again questioned the pattern. When probed again, he removed her off his social media and said sorry.

Anyhow, a couple months later (I'm just nosy!) I see her Facebook again on my suggested friends. They are still unfriended but low and behold - she has broken up with this boyfriend and seems to have jumped straight in with another guy (literally says between).

AIBU to think this has actually validated my concerns from the start? Or was I acting unreasonable from the start?

OP posts:
catsnhats11 · 18/09/2023 14:20

It probably has but so what, he did what you asked, they are not in contact and she has a new man, time to move on.

Shoxfordian · 18/09/2023 14:21

Why are you bothering to stalk her online like that though? Your boyfriend isn’t friends with her anymore so why are you even interested?

Cosyblankets · 18/09/2023 14:27

You need to move on
They both have

KrisAkabusi · 18/09/2023 14:30

Your concerns that she was after your boyfriend have been vindicated because she got a different boyfriend?! Really????

marymungoNminge · 18/09/2023 14:30

YABU, one of my closest guy friends is a guy I met a year before DH on a dating site.

If they haven't been physical, why can't he be friends with her? He's pointed out her body type isn't his type.

Stop snooping and move on.

Owjrbvr · 18/09/2023 14:32

I’m confused; how did her being in a new relationship confirm your concerns? You don’t know anything about her life

Hotsaucegal · 18/09/2023 14:33

You sound insecure and a bit obsessed with this girl. We all have plenty of people on social media that we interact with casually, liking a post, reacting to a story - friendly above board behaviour. When you pointed out you were uncomfortable he apologised and unfriended- what more do you want? You sound like a jealous slut-shamer commenting on her choice of pictures “tits out” and her dating patterns - neither of which should be any of your concern especially as they have no more contact. She may well have had romantic intentions for you bf but if you trust him, my advice is get over it….

Zola1 · 18/09/2023 14:44

I think you really really need to consider why you're so bothered. If he wanted to go out with her he would have

LonginesPrime · 18/09/2023 15:07

I'm confused - are you asking if the fact a random woman your boyfriend once dated has broken up with a random third party and got together with a different random third party says something about your own boyfriend's behaviour or his commitment to his relationship with you?

If your boyfriend is not either of the people she was/in in a relationship with when he was dating you, what is the concern exactly?

YeahIsaidit · 18/09/2023 15:17

Are you 15? You sound like a teenager obsessing over who liked what on fb. He unfriended her and apologised for being friends (why? He did nothing wrong) he's with you and she's with another bloke, why do you care? What exactly do you think has been proven? YABU and need to grow up

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