Was this a normal childhood experience?

[tofeelabitannoyed]

Hi

not really sure why I’m posting, I guess I was just thinking things over in my head and it’s all been so normal for me for so long so wanted to get some outside perspective.

is it a normal teenage thing to be actively suicidal? Does everyone go though that phase?

just to clarify, I am NOT suicidal anymore and I am not a teenager. I’m in my 20s and life is good now😀

but as a child I had a horrendously abusive upbringing and I wasn’t allowed or able to talk to anyone about it. Because of this, I felt myself become more depressed as a teenager and tried so hard to do everything I could to get help for myself. I phoned Samaritans (wouldn’t help, they said I was too young), I spoke to people at school who simply phoned the people in my family and told them everything I had said (the same people who had been awful to me and made me so miserable in the first place!) which meant when I went home it caused even more trouble for me. I went to the GP by myself who referred me to camhs (I was 16) so I went for my first appointment a month later (by myself, I didn’t tell anyone else about it) and told them everything that had happened to me and how I was feeling increasingly depressed and suicidal at this point. She promised me I would start cbt in 2-3 weeks due to how bad I was feeling. 2-3 weeks rolled around and I heard nothing. So I called and kept getting told it would be another 2/3 weeks and this carried on for months. Eventually I found out I was on a waiting list of 95 weeks and they just didn’t want to tell me. I went back to my GP and told her at this point I was feeling even worse and she contacted adult mental health services who wouldn’t see me as I was under 18, but camhs said the fact I was 17 at this point meant I wasn’t a priority with them even though I was actively suicidal at this point. I cried the entire walk home from the doctors because I felt like I had done everything I could and there was no help available.

I tried to focus on school and put it out of my mind until one day I couldn’t anymore. I had been stashing tablets over time and came home and took a very large amount. Thank god I was fine, but in that moment I knew I wanted to die. The truth about everything came out to my parents who were furious with me, called me an attention seeker and told me I was just a typical teenager. I still got no help after this.

i turned 18 shortly after this and was able to access proper help and I got better. I moved out and moved on with my life. Ironically I received an appointment letter from camhs shortly after my 19th birthday

like I said, I’m in a good place now and am away from my family and am happy in my life now ❤️ But I’ve always looked on that time in my life as being one of those teenage phases and I’ve always been told I was just attention seeking and that everybody thought I was just a stupid attention seeker, but as I’ve got older and I’m in a really good place now, I’ve realised this wasn’t normal, was it?

I think it’s normal to be cynical and emotional/ phases of feeling down at that age but not to make an attempt on your life. I did the same when I was a teenager. I had severe postpartum depression and needed to be resucitated. Never hd any ongoing support plan after that

I think its normal for teenagers who have had an abusive upbringing, and then tried to get help for themselves but been rebuffed. That's an immensely negative experience imo. Being rejected is a specific type of traumatic experience in its own right, that causes certain feelings. It can make you feel hopeless; and its hopelessness that can lead to suicidal feelings.You've done extremely well to come through it all.

No, it's not normal & it shouldn't have been like that - but you're not alone in having those experiences. I'm so glad you're still here & are in a better place in every way.

If memories do come back, remind yourself that time has passed, that you're not there with those people any more. Reassure yourself that things can get & have got better. Celebrate your strength in surviving it all. And be gentle with yourself, because you've not had any easy time of it.

No, I don't think it's a normal thing at all. But it's not at all unusual when you've experienced trauma like you have. I'm sorry you had to go through that and sorry that there wasn't much support at the time.

is it a normal teenage thing to be actively suicidal? Does everyone go though that phase?

No, not everyone goes through that phase. It's normal for all teenagers to have very intense feelings and to struggle a bit with mental health, because adolescence is a time when everything about us is changing - body, brain, hormones, responsibilities etc. That takes its toll and it's normal for teenagers to go through emotional turmoil, maybe even to think a bit about suicide.

However, being actively suicidal is a different matter and no, not 'normal' as such. Most teenagers don't actively take steps towards suicide (even if they think about it sometimes). It isn't normal or common for a teenager to attempt an overdose. But most teenagers don't suffer the abuse that you did. An abusive upbringing is a horrible thing to live with and it's entirely understandable that you felt the way you did.

I'm so sorry you went through that, and I hope you're well away from the people who treated you so badly xx

I think it's a normal reaction to the things that were going on in your life and the fact that you asked for help and didn't get it. I don't think it's common though or a normal childhood experience. I was depressed but not suicidal as a teenager but even that didn't seem that common at the time. CAMHS is not fit for purpose IMO.