I have a friend, we know each other for 22 years, we are both in our mid 40’s. Always had a decent relationship with our families, kids like each other as well. We both coming from the same country and often share our holidays, festive and cultural celebrations.
The issues started around 2 years ago. I am unsure if this information may be relevant but our relationship started suffering when my friend completed her degree.
I have MSc and working as a very niche specialist in a high paid job. I am not shy person, I love people and can find a topic with most of the people. My other friends told me that I am very optimistic person and they never heard me moaning.
My friend worked in bakery on minimum wage for years but I do not care where people work or how much they earn as far they are decent people, however I have made an impact on my friends life (she told me that) as I have encouraged her to return to education and made qualifications and start a job she always dreamed of. I have supported her during her time in uni, it was hard for her as she was full time student, mother of 3 and worked in part time job. Unbelievable strong woman. She did so well but her time during uni was rocky, lots of tears, givings up etc. I was always for her, often I had enough to listen to her problems and feel poorly for days after listening to her but I had been a very supportive friend and wished her soooo well! I wanted her to finish uni and accepted her often hurtful behaviour as I had understand she is stressed and under pressure.
Everything changed when she finished uni and started her dream job. She started being very impolite to me and my family. We went together for holidays to celebrate her huge success and in the hotel we were chatting to waiter and he asked us where we are coming from, what we do etc… she tried to be funny and replied to him what she does etc. Waiter asked me “who are you?” ( he thought we are sisters) and she replied before I even opened my mouth “oh she is nobody” and then she laughed like crazy. She told me later that it was a joke but I felt insulted and until now I do not think it was funny at all. I let it go….Then few weeks later, me and my husband invited her, her family and other friends for bbq. My husband was talking to other attendees and from nowhere my friend told him “you just fu…. off from me” but my husband did not talk about her nor to her it was a very general conversation. All people went quiet including me and my husband as we were all shocked what that was all about?! Other friends asked me later if I understand what happened and why she reacted that way toward my husband?
We had let it go (again) just to not ruin our bbq.
Another meeting were hosted by our other friends and she behaved weird again but this time she has targeted her own husband. It looks like she finally “catch the wave” and started treating us poorly, but why???
Now, I feel very resentful of her, I do not want to see her, when she is present I feel scared to say anything as I do not know how she responds. I feel down and after any meeting with her I am emotionally unwell for a few days. I see her once every few weeks and does not see any improvement in her behaviour.
She is behaving like “snub nose” person. She is very negative and talks badly about her BIL, MIL, SIL.
You probably thinking that I am mad to continue this relationship but I try to understand. No way I can talk to her about it. If I have to end this friendship it must be steady withdrawn as there will be a huuuge drama and our children are friends so I have to be careful unless any of you will help me to understand what could be the reason? and if there is anything I can do.
Now, I feel there is a huge mistake to support or help other people as they do not deserve it in a long run. I started to be careful with other people and started struggling with meeting new people.
Why am I so sad and feel hurt?