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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Asking for help re mil/sil

12 replies

Mitmat · 17/09/2023 20:15

Nc as quite outing.

Mil is early 60s, sil early 30s. 3 years ago they jointly bought their council home together that they'd lived in for the previous 20 years.

Sil was single at the time, mil was worried if anything happened to her and they were still renting that sil would end up homeless.

Mil has since had a stroke and needs alot of adaptations to make the current home accessible. Sil has also since met her partner and is now pregnant due in December, her dp also has his ds 2/3 nights per week so come December there'll be 5 inc baby in the property.

It's a 2 bed property and relatively small. Mil has applied to the local council for a bungalow but is getting nowhere due to being a homeowner. We've bid on flats within care home type settings too but again, getting nowhere.

Now if they sold then there wouldn't be enough equity to buy anywhere else for sil as the property value was quite low when it was bought and hasn't increased much. She also wouldnt be approved for a mortgage on smp i'd imagine. Sil also took a high ltv to replace the kitchen etc at the time. Mil would also never get a mortgage so her share would just stop her benefits for a time until it was used up, but again she'd also be homeless. Or the council are saying she'd be making herself homeless. I don't think she'd pass the financial assessment for a private rental either.

Mil needs new accommodation. She can't work, so receives universal credit of about 600, then we're waiting for her pip to be approved which will be another 700/800 we're hoping.

Sil can't move out as rent prices are 2.2x her mortgage cost and she's going onto mat leave.

I just can't figure out a way to get around this. Social services/ occupational therapy are more than happy to assess the current property but not to recommend rehousing. Council will not budge on the band allocation. We can't take mil off the mortgage or deeds because then it's intentional homelessness.

Feels like times running out and we are getting nowhere. Any ideas gratefully received!

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 17/09/2023 21:28

Where is the partner's financial contribution in all of this ?

PaperRhino · 18/09/2023 00:16

Your SIL’s DP should make a contribution surely, especially if he is living with her and MIL and with his kid there too. Where did he live before he met her? Doesn’t he have a property? Also a thought, as they own the house but it is now too small, could they rent it out and use the rent money towards larger accommodation for themselves?

Nohj · 18/09/2023 01:10

I have to agree about partner- is he contributing? Just wondering if her and partner can buy out MIL?
Then MIL could private rent with the proceeds until it runs out and then claim housing benefit/ get on list for council housing?

Alternatively as much as it may not be the most enviable of positions can’t they put up for now? The council won’t even count them as overcrowded. The baby will go in room with SIL, on nights partners son stays partner can sleep with him in the living room.

Mitmat · 18/09/2023 20:36

I'm not sure of the financial arrangement between sil and her dp. I'm sure he will be contributing to her. Prior to moving in he was living with his parents after a relationship breakdown. Mil has said today she is feeling ousted from her home and that he had moved in by stealth. There was never an official discussion or agreement he was just there all the time.

Sil obvs deserves to be happy which is the other side of that. Her dp is a nice man too so it's not bad in that respect.

Atm mil pays council tax for the house and that's it. Even if sil did remortgage I'm not sure mil would be accepted for private rental with only benefits as income. The cheapest rental property is in our town is now £1000 per month. Her income after pip would be 1300/1400 so I just don't think its feasible.

The other option is sil moves out and leaves mil in property with adaptations put in. I just can't see sil willingly moving out and paying more than double what she is now.

Thanks for your replies too, I appreciate n extra few brains trying to figure it out.

Gah!!

OP posts:
Wildhorses2244 · 18/09/2023 20:48

I think that the best plan would be for sister and partner to save up a decent deposit for a family home and then move out, leaving mil living there.

Once mil gets pip I think that she should pay 1/2 mortgage and 1/3 bills.

Sister and partner should pay 1/2 mortgage and 2/3 bills. Plus they should save a decent amount each month which should be doable on 2 incomes.

Once they have a decent deposit saved they should move to their own home. Then they pay their own mortgage and mil pays the mortgage on the current house.

Sister should treat the equity in mil house as an investment which they get back proportionately when the house is sold.

The tricky bit with this plan would be mortgage eligibility so you’d need to play around with the numbers to see if it works…

PurpleBugz · 18/09/2023 21:19

The step kids shouldn't be staying. "Moved in by stealth" jumped out from this. He's taking advantage, moving from mummy house to gf house. I believe the term is cocklodger?

MIL should stay in the house and get the adaptions. SIL can stay in the house with or without partner- baby in her room. No step kids. If he wants to spend time with his kids he can do it at his own house either one he pays for or go back and leech off mummy

determinedtomakethiswork · 18/09/2023 22:09

The mother-in-law should've really thought that through. It was inevitable that the sister-in-law was going to meet someone and that he would move in.

I don't think his children should stay with him, and if that's a dealbreaker for him, then he should move out.

UsingChangeofName · 18/09/2023 23:44

Yes, no help now of course, but perhaps something for others to think about if considering a joint mortgage with anyone other than their spouse / partner.

What will we do if one of our lives changes - through a new relationship in this case, but it could be through moving jobs / deciding to retrain, or some other reason.

Hankunamatata · 18/09/2023 23:54

Can she not rent in a sheltered housing development?

RedLollyYellowLorry · 19/09/2023 00:10

Is there a minimum of 5 years ownership before it can be sold without having to repay the right to buy discount?

Ikeepmybumcheekshidden · 19/09/2023 01:28

Hankunamatata · 18/09/2023 23:54

Can she not rent in a sheltered housing development?

That's considered social housing which she won’t be entitled to as she's technically a homeowner.

Ikeepmybumcheekshidden · 19/09/2023 01:32

@Mitmat I'll get ripped apart for suggesting this but I'd personally 'give' her half of the house ownership to either you or someone else trustworthy if she can. Then she's no longer a homeowner.

I'm not suggesting fraud per se, just suggesting that your DH & S get their inheritance a bit early? The only issue, is that if MIL needs to go into a care home in future, her giving your DH and/or SIL the house, it could be seen as Deprivation of Assets

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