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Original poster

Ex's girlfriend at my house acting odd

86 replies

TheSilentSister · 17/09/2023 19:27

So, for context, I still live in the marital home and ex divides his time between another country (where his g/f lives) and here. He's currently here and his g/f has come over (agreed by me). She's acting all weird. We've met and she's stayed here before. I'm wondering whether it's because I've lost weight and actually look younger than her now or if there's other reasons. It's so odd. They've been together for 6 yrs and the last time she was here I was quite a bit overweight.
I won't say I'm bending over backwards but I'm being incredibly civil given the circumstances. Ex is running around like a headless chicken.

OP posts:
Sueretiredawhileago · 17/09/2023 22:16

Omg she must be SO jealous! You look younger than her!! And you’re thinner than you were! I tell you what, I worry my partner will leave me for younger, thinner people ALL the time. You rock

HeatherMoores · 17/09/2023 22:18

What on earth is going on?
These threads where you step into an alternate reality.

AbbeyGailsParty · 17/09/2023 22:19

Tell them they’ll have to stay elsewhere.
Sell the house, buy ( or rent) your own , tell them to stay elsewhere.
I can’t imagine any realm where I’d allow any ex across my doorstep.

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/09/2023 22:21

Well that got weird quick.

But in short, yes it probably is because either you do look better than her or you at least feel that you do. Not being bitchy when I say that, I just mean that attitude is all. So you feel better about yourself so you give off more of an aura of confidence and happiness. She has been with him 6 years, which is usually when the crap bits start to happen, and she is worried that he will want to come back permanently when he sees the new you.

Not terribly PC thing to say but its probably true.

What I am wondering is a) why you care what she thinks of you and b) why you havent sold the house. He is obviously using the fact that he own half of it to enforce this awkward (understatment) situation "I have a right, I own half of it", so put a stop to it. I am sure that when he isnt there it suits you to not have to sell and move etc but frankly 51 weeks of peace a year isnt worth 1 week of living with a partner an ex and his partner......not worth it at all!

HeatherMoores · 17/09/2023 22:24

Well there were three of us in this marriage.

Sueretiredawhileago · 17/09/2023 22:26

@PyongyangKipperbang of all the things in all the world women worry about and make them behave ‘ a bit odd’, you think it’s that his ex - of 6 years - has lost a bit of weight? I mean if that made him want to get back with her (which I highly doubt) then he could go fuck himself in my books anyway

WhateverMate · 17/09/2023 22:28

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/09/2023 22:21

Well that got weird quick.

But in short, yes it probably is because either you do look better than her or you at least feel that you do. Not being bitchy when I say that, I just mean that attitude is all. So you feel better about yourself so you give off more of an aura of confidence and happiness. She has been with him 6 years, which is usually when the crap bits start to happen, and she is worried that he will want to come back permanently when he sees the new you.

Not terribly PC thing to say but its probably true.

What I am wondering is a) why you care what she thinks of you and b) why you havent sold the house. He is obviously using the fact that he own half of it to enforce this awkward (understatment) situation "I have a right, I own half of it", so put a stop to it. I am sure that when he isnt there it suits you to not have to sell and move etc but frankly 51 weeks of peace a year isnt worth 1 week of living with a partner an ex and his partner......not worth it at all!

But in short, yes it probably is because either you do look better than her or you at least feel that you do. Not being bitchy when I say that, I just mean that attitude is all. So you feel better about yourself so you give off more of an aura of confidence and happiness. She has been with him 6 years, which is usually when the crap bits start to happen, and she is worried that he will want to come back permanently when he sees the new you.

Or....

She might not be feeling well.
She might've had a row with her friend/family.
She could've had some bad news.
She might've wanted to stay at a Travelodge but he said no.
Her hamster might have a cough.
She could be on a heavy period.

Literally so many reasons other than the OP's weightloss and younger looks, that we could be here all week trying to guess.

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/09/2023 22:32

WhateverMate · 17/09/2023 22:28

But in short, yes it probably is because either you do look better than her or you at least feel that you do. Not being bitchy when I say that, I just mean that attitude is all. So you feel better about yourself so you give off more of an aura of confidence and happiness. She has been with him 6 years, which is usually when the crap bits start to happen, and she is worried that he will want to come back permanently when he sees the new you.

Or....

She might not be feeling well.
She might've had a row with her friend/family.
She could've had some bad news.
She might've wanted to stay at a Travelodge but he said no.
Her hamster might have a cough.
She could be on a heavy period.

Literally so many reasons other than the OP's weightloss and younger looks, that we could be here all week trying to guess.

Show quote history

Of course they're all quite possible, although I am not convinced about the hamster to be honest.

However.....chances are its because the OP looks a lot more attractive, conventionally speaking, than she did the last time the GF saw her.

Occam's Razor.

Sueretiredawhileago · 17/09/2023 22:36

It’s only an Occam’s razor situation in your eyes. That would never ever be the obvious explanation in my eyes and amongst my friends as, believe it or not, weight isn’t the be all and end all of attractiveness

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/09/2023 22:38

Sueretiredawhileago · 17/09/2023 22:26

@PyongyangKipperbang of all the things in all the world women worry about and make them behave ‘ a bit odd’, you think it’s that his ex - of 6 years - has lost a bit of weight? I mean if that made him want to get back with her (which I highly doubt) then he could go fuck himself in my books anyway

I was married. No issues.
I split with him. No issues.
I lost a lot of weight and got my self confidence back.....suddenly a LOT of women who I knew through work gave me a wide berth. One in particular took a dislike to me, despite us being (I had thought) good friends. I had taken her kids to school when she was ill, given her a lift to work when she was struggling, event managed (and got a hefty discount for) her DD's first communion ffs..... She told people I was after her husband.

I have seen this with other women too. One, who is still a good friend, got totally frozen out of a friend group when her marriage ended and she found her confidence again. She was happy and smiley and nice to be around, they hated that. She was a threat, or at least, thats how they saw her. I was still married at the time but we are the only ones out of the whole group that are still friends as they all shut out anyone who became single and happy.

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/09/2023 22:39

Sueretiredawhileago · 17/09/2023 22:36

It’s only an Occam’s razor situation in your eyes. That would never ever be the obvious explanation in my eyes and amongst my friends as, believe it or not, weight isn’t the be all and end all of attractiveness

Its not mine either, but fat and sad isnt a threat. Slim and happy is.....I would say more the happy bit but speaking for myself when I lost weight and finally liked what I saw in the mirror, I became happy.

BeenThereDoneThat101 · 17/09/2023 22:48

Oh come on. It’s naive not to think that’ a woman staying with her so-called bf and his wife in their marital home isn’t going to feel insecure. Especially if e.g. he’s spun her a line that he’s no longer attracted to her any more and now she’s lost weight.

This whole situation is weird. She’s been with him for six years, he’s still married and living in the marital home, and when she comes over he insists she stays with him and his wife.

To all intents and purposes she is the OW, even though OP recognises him as her ex.

If she posted on here that she was with someone and had been for six years and that he wanted them to go and stay with his “ex” who he is still living with she’d be told to run a mile.

And let’s not start in the children who are going to be more than fucked up by this experience.

Hotsaucegal · 17/09/2023 22:49

Whole situation is strange. stranger still to assume weird behaviour is due to your weight loss. Suggest that you may in fact be the weird one in all this.

bopbey · 17/09/2023 22:50

Her hamster might have a cough

🤔😆

Sueretiredawhileago · 17/09/2023 23:03

@PyongyangKipperbang all I can say is you need to find better friends. Decent people don’t go off someone because they e lost weight and are happy with themselves. They celebrate it.

Seddon · 17/09/2023 23:22

I think the more likely situation is that she gritted her teeth and put up with this ridiculous arrangement at first, probably on a promise that it was temporary. But it's dragged on for years and she's sick of it and wants him to properly let go of you so they can have a normal relationship. She's probably incredibly pissed off with your ex, I doubt it has anything to do with you at all.

(Spoken as someone with some experience!)

Mikimoto · 17/09/2023 23:27

Maybe GF is confused because you keep changing identity at home too?!

CherryMaDeara · 17/09/2023 23:28

I think we were all supposed to instantly agree that it’s because OP has lost weight and looks younger than the gf, therefore the gf is threatened by her.

Bumcake · 17/09/2023 23:45

Do you perhaps look so young and slim that she doesn’t recognise you? I’d act weird in those circumstances.

momonpurpose · 17/09/2023 23:52

HungryWisdom · 17/09/2023 19:29

She’s been with him 6 years but you still live together part time?

Woman deserves a medal.

I am with you there! What a strange situation even if it's an aminical divorce

Mothership4two · 17/09/2023 23:57

@TheSilentSister and/or @Walkingalot you haven't clarified exactly what the "weird" behaviour is

MMBaranova · 18/09/2023 00:00

@HeatherMoores

....These threads where you step into an alternate reality.

Or an international version of commune living.

CherryMaDeara · 18/09/2023 00:01

Bumcake · 17/09/2023 23:45

Do you perhaps look so young and slim that she doesn’t recognise you? I’d act weird in those circumstances.

😂

uncomfortablydumb53 · 18/09/2023 00:02

The GF is probably wondering why you haven't sold the house yet
It's very unusual after 6 years not to have finalised arrangements

WandaWomblesaurus · 18/09/2023 01:27

Not to derail the thread but I wonder how many people will end up having to live together far longer after they split because of financial hardship over the next few years. I actually know three ex couples who still share places in London because it's too expensive for them to move out.

OP, don't take it personally - it might also be that you are anxious because you've lost weight and feel a bit better about yourself - some women. have a fear of looking well because of the way other people treat them when they do (resentment, jealousy, snide remarks etc or even creepy behaviour from men) and so feel more self conscious.