Husband badmouthing me

[stayflufft]

Just popped to the shop to get some bits for tea. Got home just in time to hear my husband saying ‘Mummy is useless’ to our small children - as he couldn’t find some leggings for your youngest - I haven’t put some washing away from a few days ago and they were all in the washing basket rather than her room. Needless to say, as a Mum, I do the vast majority of bloody everything. I was up at 5 with our youngest today and had done all the chores before he and our eldest had woken up. I immediately said he should not be badmouthing me in front of our children and that he had a bloody nerve. Urgh. Really dislike men in general today. LTB? Dip his toothbrush down the toilet? Suggestions please.

If he has form for this, LTB. If not, some cooking of least favourite meals may be required.

Never heard him say anything like this to the kids before - just heard it as I walked in the door. In the main he is a good husband.

I'm probably not the best advisor as I'm seriously considering if my life would be more peaceful on my own (with the kids still obviously) 😂

If you're in an otherwise happy and healthy marriage I'd chalk it up to poor taste and timing and move on. If it's a continuous disrespect and annoyance, get your ducks in a row and consider if it's still a relationship that's good for you.

Either way dip his toothbrush 😂 (kidding)

Was he hugely apologetic and scrambling to make it up to you? Or did he shrug it off?

If the latter, I would be insisting on relationship counselling or making plans to leave. A disgraceful way to think or speak about you, particularly in front of your own kids.

I would not be happy, he shouldn’t be saying anything like that in front of your children. They’ll grow up with no respect for you.

I’d be giving him the silent treatment and a large dose of side eye….then take the kids out for a few hours and leave him in the dog house. I’d want serious grovelling from him after that.

Jeez stop cooking for a grown man altogether 🙄

Op - rather than getting defensive just turn around and say something like ‘yes mummy is useless and daddy is so brilliant so he’ll be doing all the laundry and putting away in future.’

And mean it.

What an arsehole.
An exasperated, “oh what had mummy done with all your leggings” I might let go. (might)
But actually calling you useless?
Don’t be ridiculous about toothbrushes, tell him you heard it and (a) you’re unhappy he thinks that way about you and (b) it’s totally unacceptable to say it to your child.

And there’s no, “needless to say” - you don’t have to accept that.

First action you can take to stay on top of laundry put-away, is stop doing any of his 🤷🏻‍♀️

Surely laundry is down to him from today if you are so useless.. At least his..

You need to discuss this with him. My DH was like this and after a while the kids started putting me down too. I read the riot act to DH and the kids are a lot better now

@Screamingabdabz I like your solution.

"Since I'm so useless, you'll be doing all the laundry from here on in - right?"

Thankyou. I’ve told him it was hurtful and unacceptable and inappropriate to say that about me in front of the kids. He has said sorry - and then said he said it because he felt stupid that he couldn’t find her leggings. I’ve also told him that he can put them away from now on, so no confusion for him. I’m off to bed early so I can get some peace and quiet.

‘yes mummy is useless and daddy is so brilliant so he’ll be doing all the laundry and putting away in future.’

"Since I'm so useless, you'll be doing all the laundry from here on in - right?"

I like the principle here, but I wouldn't be agreeing with the put-down, even in jest.

"Mummy's not useless, but if Daddy doesn't like the way she does the laundry, he is welcome to take the job over and then it will be done just how he likes it."