To be unsure what to do regarding dad's death/funeral?

[Cherryblossom99]

Well he's my foster dad but basically father figure. His health is bad and has taken a turn for the worse, he had a fall etc.
The issue is that I basically have limited/almost no contact with my foster family as they were abusive. I am doing therapy for CPTSD and I haven't been back at the house where I grew up for almost 5 years due to trauma.
I have become very separate from the family and I should have considered this sooner but I was in denial.
I feel very selfish for saying this but part of me feels like I can't face going to the house and I feel the funeral will be too much but I think I will hate myself if I don't go.

Even where there are complex issues and strained relationships loses will still hit hard.

Was the whole family abusive or were you ok with your foster dad and the problems were with the rest of the family? (sorry I wasn't sure from the OP).

If he was abusive, and the family were abusive why do you think you would hate yourself for not going? Perhaps something to explore in your therapy.

He could be emotionally abusive at times but generally just drank and ignored the situation as when he did speak up for me it caused arguments with his wife