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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It really annoys me when parents bring sick kids out

45 replies

cutrain · 17/09/2023 11:39

I know it's unreasonable but can anyone tell me if they also feel like this ??

I really hate it when I go out with my kids to a soft play or to a play park ( in doors ) and parents bring kids there that are literally coughing their guts out.

It makes me pretty angry. I know kids get sick bla bla and it's normal. But mine often get really really sick for ages and it means I can't sleep / nights in hospital / constant worry and being stuck indoors.

A lot of the time in winter, I don't take my kids to soft plays etc because they just get so ill. My youngest is starting nursery soon and I know what I'm in for. I don't love it that parents send their sick kids to nursery but I understand that often we have no choice. But to go to soft play with a really sick kid who's coughing like crazy - is that really necessary? Can't you stay at home ?

Anyway I know I won't gather much sympathy for this, but I wondered if at least a couple of people get where I'm coming from.

OP posts:
modgepodge · 17/09/2023 11:42

My daughter would often have a cough for 3-4 weeks in winter, following a cold. If we never left the house every time she had a cough we’d be home for months at a time. The doctor told me it’s normal for the cough to linger. I’d keep her at home with a temperature or vomiting or diarrhoea, or in the first few days of a cold when she’s (I presume) most infectious, but not for a cough.

best thing to do if you’re worried is exactly what you say, and stay at home yourself.

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 17/09/2023 11:42

Coughs can linger for weeks (or even months). It's totally unrealistic to expect people to stay at home for all that time.

YouJustDoYou · 17/09/2023 11:44

I tended to avoid things like soft play for that reason. And also because it was hell.

WellReallynow · 17/09/2023 11:45

our school sent out a letter basically outlining how the children must be in even with sore throats coughs and runny noses, hfm and conjunctivitis, basically send them in with anything (except d and v) unless they have a fever-no consideration for the times you can feel really unwell and not have a fever ! I think people tend to just carry on regardless of coughs and colds

AuditAngel · 17/09/2023 11:46

My youngest has asthma, presents as a cough. You think she should never go to soft play? And by extension never go to karate/dancing/swimming?

Vegetus · 17/09/2023 11:48

If we didn't do anything every time my son has a sniffle or a cough we would never leave the house. Kids are contagious walking illnesses and there's no point trying to avoid it.

GreenWheat · 17/09/2023 11:50

Throughout our lives, when in a public space, we are exposed to germs. Be that nursery, school, work, public transport, it's a miserable existence if you live in fear of these. Society needs to function, we can't hide away the moment we have a cough or sniffle. Get your children used to that from a young age.

ColleenDonaghy · 17/09/2023 11:52

Coughs and snot can both linger, especially coughs. We'll stay home with d&v, temperatures, feeling miserable but not coughing and sniffling. I think most people are the same.

TropicalTrama · 17/09/2023 11:52

Given how bugs kids of that age catch couples with how long coughs can linger you’re being completely unrealistic. They’d never leave the house! Soft plays and nurseries would be empty and all close down!

fearfuloffluff · 17/09/2023 11:54

Yabu, if only 100% germ free kids went to soft play there would be two kids in it and they'd all go bust!

I'd focus on improving your kids' immune systems tbh, diet with good food incl live yoghurt, not being too clean at home, going out to green places and letting them get muddy etc. Encountering bugs is also normal and improves the immune system overall.

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 17/09/2023 11:55

AuditAngel · 17/09/2023 11:46

My youngest has asthma, presents as a cough. You think she should never go to soft play? And by extension never go to karate/dancing/swimming?

So does mine. He's just had a brilliant hour at rugby practice. He's only 4 so I'm not exactly relishing another decade of "the look" from other parents tbh.

Oysterbabe · 17/09/2023 11:56

I remember being at a playground. My 2 year old was playing a slide and climbing frame and I had a new baby in a pram. A little boy comes over and also starts playing on the slide and climbing frame. I was making small talk with his mum and suddenly she's like

Oh we had to come here, his toddler class turned us away because he has chicken pox, ridiculous isn't it, they have to get it sometime.

Then I notice that he's covered in spots. I seriously wanted to punch her.

SaylessSayless · 17/09/2023 11:56

One of my DC has a cough all the time due to asthma. I have no intention of making her stay in. You could stay in.

Zanatdy · 17/09/2023 12:02

I wouldn’t have taken mine if it was a bad cough, not least because running around at soft play would make it worse.

If your child is ending up in hospital during the winter then I’d take extra precautions. That’s far easier than expecting others to stay home as people are selfish and don’t even think twice about it

iamwhatiam23 · 17/09/2023 12:10

I agree op. Its very selfish and i also detest parents who send sick dc into nursery or school with the " oh well they will send them home if they are that ill" attitude! Yes they will send them home...after they have already infected half the class! Im also not very fond of colleagues who act like martyrs and come into work while obviously ill and spread their germs to everyone else!

Cowlover89 · 17/09/2023 12:13

Yabu

curtrain · 17/09/2023 12:14

Zanatdy · 17/09/2023 12:02

I wouldn’t have taken mine if it was a bad cough, not least because running around at soft play would make it worse.

If your child is ending up in hospital during the winter then I’d take extra precautions. That’s far easier than expecting others to stay home as people are selfish and don’t even think twice about it

I don't take them in winter much at all.

Last winter I also took my eldest out of nursery for a few week as it was just too much. It was a dark time for me being stuck indoors with two sick kids on my own for weeks on end. I'm really traumatised by it. I also had a baby during Covid and was completely traumatised by my DD getting sick during that time as a small baby. I clearly have issues around them getting sick and try to avoid it.

Hopefully this year it won't be as bad. I think my son may have some asthma issues in the future as he has recurrent coughing issues when he gets sick which make him vomit. He also has recurrent croup which he needs steroids for etc. so I may find myself with a child with asthma sooner or later so I do understand that this may be some of the children I may be witnessing coughing a lot. Does asthma also give you a runny nose ? Because it's the kids with snotty noses, coughing everywhere that make me feel anxious that my kids will get sick and I'll be up at the hospital all night again.

My kids have both just recently had a normal cold and a bit of a cough which didn't require hospital treatment/ antibiotics etc etc. I'm very pleased about that and feel like maybe they'll be a bit more robust this year ! They're 3 and a half and 1 and a half ! It just seems that so many times when they've got sick, it's just spiralled massively.

curtrain · 17/09/2023 12:15

iamwhatiam23 · 17/09/2023 12:10

I agree op. Its very selfish and i also detest parents who send sick dc into nursery or school with the " oh well they will send them home if they are that ill" attitude! Yes they will send them home...after they have already infected half the class! Im also not very fond of colleagues who act like martyrs and come into work while obviously ill and spread their germs to everyone else!

Yeah colleagues who come in sick and make everyone sick are also really annoying.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 17/09/2023 12:16

YABU post viral coughs, runny noses last for ages.
if you don’t want your child your child to catch germs and build an immune system avoid soft play.
vomiting bugs totally different, but coughs and colds to miss school is ridiculous.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 17/09/2023 12:17

iamwhatiam23 · 17/09/2023 12:10

I agree op. Its very selfish and i also detest parents who send sick dc into nursery or school with the " oh well they will send them home if they are that ill" attitude! Yes they will send them home...after they have already infected half the class! Im also not very fond of colleagues who act like martyrs and come into work while obviously ill and spread their germs to everyone else!

Bet you’d also question someone not coming in or wfh for weeks on end though?!

BelindaBears · 17/09/2023 12:18

Coughs can linger for weeks, or be the result of asthma. If your children are vulnerable then, unfortunately, that probably means you are the one who should be avoiding e.g. soft play in the winter.

curtrain · 17/09/2023 12:20

BelindaBears · 17/09/2023 12:18

Coughs can linger for weeks, or be the result of asthma. If your children are vulnerable then, unfortunately, that probably means you are the one who should be avoiding e.g. soft play in the winter.

And I do avoid it.. it's just sad to be stuck indoors all the time and would be nice if some parents were slightly more considerate. Asthma aside. Some parents take kids with massive colds in and just don't care. I think it's selfish.

Annaishere · 17/09/2023 12:20

If I had another baby I would want to be in the position that they stayed home with me till they were 5 or even 7. I think the large groupings at nursery can be bad for their immune system

Thebeachut · 17/09/2023 12:22

My kids have almost constant coughs and runny noses in the winter.
I'm not staying in all winter

GrumpyPanda · 17/09/2023 12:22

Oysterbabe · 17/09/2023 11:56

I remember being at a playground. My 2 year old was playing a slide and climbing frame and I had a new baby in a pram. A little boy comes over and also starts playing on the slide and climbing frame. I was making small talk with his mum and suddenly she's like

Oh we had to come here, his toddler class turned us away because he has chicken pox, ridiculous isn't it, they have to get it sometime.

Then I notice that he's covered in spots. I seriously wanted to punch her.

I hope you told her what a stupid cow she was.

But I'm sure we'll get the anti vaxx crowd cheering in 1-2-3....