Our social life needs a shake up

[Roiesin57]

Dh & I have just returned from a great holiday so this is probably putting a dampener on my mood. We have a couple of couple friends which I know is a lot to be thankful for. The two women don't get on so we have to see them separately.
But how do we find "our crowd". We mix in the village but it's all a bit old & churchy. The thought of spending another new year's eve in the village pub fills me with dread. We could go away on our own, but would it be the same?
I look at the social media of a couple we used to know & see them with their crowd in their bow ties & lovely dresses, looking a bit smug if I'm honest, & thinking where are these black tie events being held? We never go to anything like this.
I know this is completely not a problem, but just once I'd like us to get dressed up posh & attend someting a bit glitzy with friends!

I dont think you needed to add the smug comment, it screams jealousy.

But if you haven't yet met your crowd then I think you'll find it a struggle to go to such things with a crowd. The people I see doing this are at charity events, out at Christmas nights with work crowds, out with long standing school/college/uni friends.

Hi, I’ve literally just been having this conversation with DH. We’re in a city, not a village like you but all our friends have moved away and now we have no
kids at primary school it seems very hard to meet other adults. We both feel a bit lonely and not sure how to meet people. There isn’t even a local pub we could go and start hanging out in - though there are pubs near us there’s not a community around them in the same way you get in a village.

sorry not to be any help!

I think this situation has worsened since the covid lockdowns. We don’t see our friends as much as we used to. No one has dinner parties anymore ( unless we’re just not invited!). We only go to black tie events with the army and there aren’t as many of those as there used to be.

Not bothered by the glitzy aspect, but certainly mine and DH's lives were changed by lockdown, WFH and kids moving away (we live in a very rural area which doesn't help). We see far fewer people than we used to, and our social circle has significantly shrunk over the years. This concerns me more than him, but not sure what to do about it; maybe it's what happens over the years, or maybe it's a more common for everyone these days?

Get out and meet new friends. I’ve joined a ladies walking club and can’t believe how many more local friends I’ve got now

Are they smug or are they just happy and you’re projecting because you’re jealous? Even if they are, so what? They have a life you aspire to so why wouldn’t they be?

What are you doing to organise a social life? You sound very passive in all this. Invite one of the couples away for new year, join a group or get a hobby, stop judging people for being “old and churchy” and they might surprise you.

I feel similarly. When DCs were in primary and early secondary are social lives were reasonable - went to 40th, 50ths, couples dinners etc but since the lockdowns, DCs leaving school, we’ve lost touch with a lot of people, sadly. Ok, a lot weren’t our best mates, but they were good friends enough to see on a Sat night or be invited to a party.
We still have friends but not that local group that was so easy!
i think after DCs leave home for uni or work and before retirement is a bit of a weird time of life as well.