To be sick of men

[thegreenlight]

Husband has just sulked off to a committee meeting for his hobby. Left me alone all summer looking after two ND kids because he couldn’t get a day off despite him being the one to grant holidays. We are having renovations and things are hard but he’s not getting enough sex and it makes him horrid - of course it’s all my fault. I speak to him like shit, I shout at him, I don’t come near him which isn’t true. He always gets like this when we don’t have sex. I’m sick of it. I work full time and have done ALL the mental load for the build, for the kids EVERYTHING. He does more than most but it’s still no where near enough. He gets all ‘woman hatey’ when we don’t have sex too. OBVIOUSLY RB has done nothing wrong and feminists are awful. He’s only like this when he hasn’t had sex. It’s like poison in him. He can be lovely but at the moment if I never see another man again I wouldn’t be sad. He’s off on a work trip to Amsterdam at 3:00 for 2 days and I really couldn’t care less if he paid for sex as obviously I am such a let down to him. Sorry to vent - stuck in a one bedroom flat with my mum with no one to talk to (don’t want to upset mum) I’m sure it will all be fine but rig hit now I’m done.

You can’t speak to your best friend?

These threads are such a waste of time.

OP, go back and read through all your posts. Just your words. Read them again and again and try to see what all the PPs here can see. These are your words. Your experiences. Your fears. Your upset. Your descriptions of his behaviour.

Yours is not a good or healthy relationship and we can see that because of what you have written.

He wouldn’t rape me!

By the sound of it, he probably already has, even if you don't want to call it rape. He is sexually aggressive when you don't want him to be during sex. You hate sex, so presumably every time you have it, it's actually against your will (even if you don't say no). He is constantly trying to coerce you into having sex. The man is an abusive sex-pest, if not a rapist.

he always twists things to make it my fault he sounds lovely 🙄

Your "best friend" who thinks nothing of leaving you stuck with all childcare and I bet housework in spite of being equal earners? Fuck that.

And if he's "pressurising" you into sex that's coercive. You're aware of that too - you're nervous because you are afraid he might try anal in spite of knowing bloody well you don't want it and don't consent to it. In other words, you are concerned he might turn to rape.

He is abusive and controlling. I am sorry, but you need to get some advice and help. Contact Women's Aid. He sounds really awful and his behaviour will escalate.

This is very sad. Can you try talking with your mother, or a friend ? They might be able to help you get perspective the situation

This is not a feature of a healthy relationship, even if it's all you've known since you were 15.

Pressuring you into sex you don't want is rape, OP. It sounds like he's been raping you for years. What the hell sort of "best friend" demands sex? Not only that, but demands a type of sex which gives most women no physical pleasure and is likely to injure them? If it was all about his precious orgasm he could masturbate, but nooo, he's enjoying terrorising you - and as a porn user he's only going to get worse. You need help to escape this appalling man.

You hate sex probably because it is not enjoyable with your husband and you don't have experience of what fun and passionate sex can be like. In what aspects is he your best friend? Because from your posts he sounds selfish, rude, and insensitive. Its almost that you are afraid of him. What kind of friend is he if you cannot have an honest conversation with him? You also seem to be justifying every action of his in your replies. So I'm not sure what you were expecting to hear?

You are not sick of “men”
You are sick of this disgusting vile sex bully.
Not all men are like that at all.
Get him to get some tablets they give to animals to lower their sex drive ! ( joke - but you get what I mean )
Leave the vile creature 🤮
Hope you are ok

Your posting history makes clear that your troubled relationships with your mother and husband have really stopped you from being able to see the truth/

You have been mistreated for a long time. I don’t expect you’ll listen to anyone posting here but you need help to recognise how awful your situation it.

Being scared of your husband during sex is not normal.

Being coerced into sex isn’t normal.

Seek help.

You keep telling yourself this. 🙄

This is just awful, you’re not defective at all. Marital rape is illegal.

OP the reason you hate sex, imo, is because your husband is not very considerate towards you sexually. He could masturbate if he's desperate but he chooses to stomp around being aggressive and trying to force you into sex to appease him.

Your husband is abusive. You don't trust him not to force you into anal - that's not someone you trust. No one has the right to make you have sex you don't want and no one is entitled to your body.

I suggest you have a chat with Women's Aid, they have a chat facility and you can ask them about this.

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