Hi everyone. First off I apologise if this is really long.
Here is a bit of background so it makes sense.
I am a mother of 8. My first six children are 28.24.22.21.17 & 13. They are my EXH children. We have been separated for 10 years. He is an absolute arse. This previous marriage was traumatic, full of DV and EXH ended up in some serious bother with the police. I, as a mother moved my kids from a place where we had been living with him back to my hometown ( I had left a good few years previously)
To say it has been a uphill battle is an understatement. EX has over the years found ways to really tear up my family, my children & I have got some major MH issues (PTSD, depression, anxiety etc) been to woman's aid for therapy etc,
In 2014, I started seeing my now DH (an old flame) after moving back home. My EXH knew that we had been a "thing" back in our youngers days and honestly i think hes always been either jealous or something of that.
Anyway, fast forward a little. As a result of years of manipulation towards the children, threats to k**l me etc and filling the heads of my children with BS they all believe that my DH now is a monster. They with the i believe help of their DF have accused him of violence, made malicious calls to SS (this is the older children BTW, who have all left home) on one occasion 56 calls where made to police and ss in ONE eveing. The police and SS have actually had to issue warnings to EXH and older children about this. I have moved home, no joke about 15 times as EX has found me and threatened my life etc.
Anyway, DH & I have had two kids together 5&3 and honestly despite the BS we have been put through have a loving relationship, he has stood by my side and never once faltered, even when the police and social work where investigating him. He really gets what the children have gone through and has said he doesnt hold it against them.
Last year though, things just got too much as my then 16 year old son became violent towards DH it escalated police got called etc, its really put an immense amount of pressure on marraige and for the first time in 10 years togther my DH got really pissed off!
Long story short, my older children basically gave me an ultimatium, them or DH. I chose children, moved out of marital home and went homeless for a while, now im in my own property with my 5&3 year old, 13 year old and the 17 year old is here sometimes.
The older 4 girls all have their own lives, partners etc, some dont even live close by. My two sons (13 n 17) HATE my DH and are absolutely over joyed that im as they say now on my own!
My DH despite this, still wants to be with me, live together, he says his marriage vows are extremely important to him and that its always been me he wanted...
I am miserable as i love my DH very much, want what he wants and just feel that since even being with my EXH i have put every other person before me and now all of my older lot, bar my 13YO are adults living their own lives I should be telling them like it or lump it. AIBU to tell them exactly this?
I am honestly terrified of loosing my kids but equally as terrified of loosing my DH as absolutely he is NOT perfect but he is a good decent man, i know he loves me and our two little girls with all his heart and i just feel as a small family unit we deserve some peace and happiness now? What would you do?
P.S my EXH was NOT allowed access to children through a court order and i had full custody BUT the older teenage children went via his mother to gain contact etc. He is a schedule one SO. If you've managed to read it all, I thank you.