To worry about being judged

[Glointhedark]

DS is 3 November and not potty trained, nowhere even close. I am trying not to worry about this but I do worry about judgement from others, especially as all his friends are potty trained. AIBU? I sort of hope I am, but I read so many comments about how forty years ago all kids were potty trained by 2.

So he’s not even 3 for a couple of months. Really nothing to even think about here. If he was approaching 4 it would be less “usual”. Neither of my boys were out of nappies until they turned 3. My girls were earlier.

The more important question is why do you worry about what others think at all? Judgement causes you no actual harm if you completely dissociate from it. Your child, your journey. Unless they have a disability, I highly doubt they will go into adulthood in diapers.
We don't know how many children were potty trained 40 years ago. There are no statistics available to give us this data so it's pure speculation.

I had a terrible time potty training my 2nd (boy), he just didn't care, he was late out of pull ups (4ish) for wees and he struggled with poos for about a year after... He is a smart, capable boy in all other aspects of life.

It does happen, and as long as there is nothing medically wrong, and you are doing all you can to help (help, not push) then there is nothing to be ashamed of. Some kids take longer than others, it doesn't necessarily mean anything and those that think it does aren't worth your time.

My dd was 3 and a half before she was potty trained, we waited until she showed signs of being ready. It paid off, done day & night in 2 weeks, with only a handful of accidents. Only carried the potty around the first few weeks as she could hold it until a toilet.

I work in childcare, children potty train at all ages, but the ones pushed at 2 before they are ready generally end up having more accidents for longer. So my advice is to wait until they are ready regardless of their age.