Page 2 | To occasionally fantasise about life with no children

Whereland · 2023-09-17T07:17:57+00:00

I love my children and wouldn't have it any other way. But every now and then I indulge in a little "what would I be doing right now if I had no children" daydream. I was up this morning at 5.45 in the pitch black with 2 y/o, the other two followed not long after. I can't help thinking how much I'd love to still be asleep in bed and planning a chilled day of doing whatever I want. Alas, soft play it is.

AgnesX · 17/09/2023 09:27

I fantasise about not having next door's children. Little shits are incapable of doing a single thing quietly including shutting doors.

And no, there's no SEN involved.

Ladyj84 · 17/09/2023 09:28

Is your 2 year old ill as that's way to early to wake? We have 3 of them and they wake 7.30..anyway I love my life so much with the kids I realise it was boring before them lol

Sometimeswinning · 17/09/2023 09:31

Puffinsandcreeks · 17/09/2023 08:37

I think there's name difference between thinking about "what would my life be like if I didn't have my children & they didn't exist" and "what would life be like if I could have a breather and just have adult time", that breather might come in the form of childcare help from others to give you a night off, a partner whisking them away to give you a lie in, etc. Some friends I have often book themself in to an airbnb for a night and then have a day to themself but that's not something I'd spend my money on.

In truth I think the former is kind of horrible. A relative recently told me she often wonders about her life if she never had her children, meaning they wouldn't exist, and personally I couldn't ever think that about my kids. Call me what you want for my honesty there. She actually said it in front of them both and they're old enough to understand her.

Wanting a break from the early wake ups, the child-based activities, and wanting a day to yourself is perfectly normal.
You're allowed to love your children but also want a break from mum-ing.

I agree with this. It’s not something which I’ve ever daydreamed about. Tbf after my first I was daydreaming about my second and then my third. Obviously you’re not alone op as most on this thread seem to get you.

autumnmakesmehappy · 17/09/2023 09:31

Puffinsandcreeks · 17/09/2023 08:37

I think there's name difference between thinking about "what would my life be like if I didn't have my children & they didn't exist" and "what would life be like if I could have a breather and just have adult time", that breather might come in the form of childcare help from others to give you a night off, a partner whisking them away to give you a lie in, etc. Some friends I have often book themself in to an airbnb for a night and then have a day to themself but that's not something I'd spend my money on.

In truth I think the former is kind of horrible. A relative recently told me she often wonders about her life if she never had her children, meaning they wouldn't exist, and personally I couldn't ever think that about my kids. Call me what you want for my honesty there. She actually said it in front of them both and they're old enough to understand her.

Wanting a break from the early wake ups, the child-based activities, and wanting a day to yourself is perfectly normal.
You're allowed to love your children but also want a break from mum-ing.

I agree.

Taylorswiftserastour · 17/09/2023 09:34

Yep. When occasionally get a night off or a sleepover at the grandparents that we're so busy trying to make the most of it - going to dinner, seeing friends, going to new places that time is so rushed.

What I miss is those slow weekends, a relaxing roast dinner in the pub, sex at random times of the day, reading in coffee shops, maybe a nap, catching up with TV you've missed. Instead I've been up since 6.36am, I've done one load of washing already and I've got to get DS to a soft play party in 25 minutes 😭

BananaSlug · 17/09/2023 09:36

Mine are older and I still daydream about this all the time so nope not just little children!

DinosApple · 17/09/2023 09:42

Yes it's definitely better with older DC! But....
I work in a school and I fantasize about quiet without 'Mum can I...' or 'Mrs Dino..' being said to me constantly.
DH works PT so gets two days a week at home alone, in as much silence as he would like. I'm very jealous!

I'd like a week a year where he could take the DC and bugger off somewhere nice. The children would leave their phones at home (no texts!)

On the first day I'd declutter loads of crap that none of them would miss.
Second day I'd tidy up.
The rest of the time I'd go for walks, go swimming, eat out on my tod, read, rest, go to the seaside etc.

I'd live off cheese, biscuits, fruit, tea and wine and I'd not cook anything at all.

I'm sure we'd all appreciate each other much more!

Createausername1970 · 17/09/2023 09:47

I have my own flat, I have decorated it, furnished it, it has a balcony that gets just the right amount of sun, I have nice days out on my own...... all in my head.

I love DH and DS and wouldn't want anything to happen to either of them, but sometimes.........

DRS1970 · 17/09/2023 09:51

I think you are just being normal. I think a lot of people go into parenthood unaware of the protracted efforts that will be required of them.

gotmychristmasmiracle · 17/09/2023 09:53

My 4 year old woke up at 5.30am 😫 it's going to be a long day, often fantasise about a day to myself and a lie in. xx

shivawn · 17/09/2023 09:58

Normally I'd probably agree with you but my husband has taken our toddler to his grandparents for the weekend and I got home from work last night to a dark empty house and woke up this morning in a quiet house wishing I could bring my son into bed with me for some lazy cuddles and chatter.

Clefable · 17/09/2023 10:03

I think thinking or imagining whatever you like is absolutely fine and nothing to be ashamed of, whether it's imagining a child-free day or indulging in some 'my fantasy life' of a life without children. Our thoughts are private and not something to feel guilty over.

SpideyWoman1 · 17/09/2023 10:05

Occasionally - I do it often. Normally when I’m doing something freeing without the kids like visiting the gym and seeing younger people behave much like I did when I was younger. Just being leisurely in their business not worrying about getting back to attend to someone else’s needs!

SpideyWoman1 · 17/09/2023 10:06

shivawn · 17/09/2023 09:58

Normally I'd probably agree with you but my husband has taken our toddler to his grandparents for the weekend and I got home from work last night to a dark empty house and woke up this morning in a quiet house wishing I could bring my son into bed with me for some lazy cuddles and chatter.

I miss mine intensely when I’m not with them but love dropping them off at childcare. Motherhood is a funny thing.

Puffinsandcreeks · 17/09/2023 10:20

Is your 2 year old ill as that's way to early to wake? We have 3 of them and they wake 7.30..anyway I love my life so much with the kids I realise it was boring before them lol

Lots of children get up early. I think I'm the only person I know with a child who gets up at 7 - 7.30am. All of the others are 4.30am, 5am, and 6am.
The 4.30/5am wakers all share bedrooms which probably contributes.

Flatandhappy · 17/09/2023 10:40

Totally get where you are coming from. I think being able to have some adult time even though you have kids definitely makes life easier/nicer and is also really good for your relationship with your partner. We probably have our granddaughter overnight once a month to facilitate this and the other grandparents do the same.

HabitsDieHard · 17/09/2023 10:50

I thought everybody did this 😊I have found my ideal home on rightmove, a lovely 2 bed cottage just for me, and I regularly fantasise about living as a single woman there, having leisurely meals and watching whatever I like on TV
Having said that, when my husband is away on work trips, I miss him terribly, and on the rare sleepovers at their grandparents I miss the kids too!

JMSA · 17/09/2023 10:59

Mine are 22, 17 and 14.
I love them with all my heart and would do anything for them, but am frankly ready for them to move out

toadasoda · 17/09/2023 11:05

OP you are not alone! I have an entire fantasy other life. I know where I will live in a particular city. I have a small apartment and run a small business. I have a social circle and am single. I do 1 laundry load on my day off and if i cook a meal that i cook IRL daily thats me fed for a week. That's my other life and I drift into it now and again. In reality I would be a broken person as I always really wanted children and had a tough time conceiving. Oddly DH doesn't feature in my fantasy life 😕 . My sis and SIL are childless through choice and I constantly find myself feeling really jealous but its usually practical stuff (again their lack of laundry or cooking). My kids are a little older now 10 to 15 so I have a lot more free time and am starting to find myself again if that makes sense.

YouJustDoYou · 17/09/2023 11:07

I hated the younger years and despaired a lot. I love it now they're no longer toddlers.

Annaishere · 17/09/2023 11:07

They’ll grow up before you know it and you’ll be looking back fondly

illiterato · 17/09/2023 11:07

I think it’s normal and tbh I often think about my big “forks in the road” and what would have happened if I’d chosen differently. Not just kids but also what if we hadn’t moved abroad, what if we’d stayed in the first country rather than moving to the second country, what if I hadn’t taken x job, what if I’d done my MBA in the US etc. Everyone wants to see their “Minority Report” 🤣

TooBusyGazingAtStarss · 17/09/2023 11:07

I do this daily 🤣

ohdannyboy · 17/09/2023 11:09

Think about those who are childless and would love to experience this once more .... but I get you.

illiterato · 17/09/2023 11:11

Btw Alt Illiterato lives in Boulder Colorado(Immigration status unclear). She has a flatbed Ford and a cabin in the woods which is mysteriously also only 10 mins walk into town. She has a devoted yet also unneedy hot BF. She has a well paid and interesting unspecified job at the University. She has a well behaved dog that doesn’t get in the way of anything else she wants to do. Alt Illiterato is living the frikking dream 🤣