Where I’ve been going wrong with BJs…. *content warning: concerns sexual assault*

[Grapefruittrick]

Reading all of this about RB gave me an odd flashback to giving a BJ as a teenager to a boy with a disproportionately large penis who held my head and rammed said penis to the back of my throat in a painful manner. I did not like this at the time and vaguely objected but didn’t think anyone would care to know.

I think I’ve worked out where I’ve been going wrong.. it’s probably best just to be intimate with famous people- and then at least someone will give a shit if it all goes Pete Tong. (I am not aware of any allegations against Pete Tong)

I'm sorry that happened to you, but you're implying it's somehow better to be sexually assaulted by a famous person is massively inappropriate

Wtf?

most odd

Well if you look on Twitter (the actual cesspit of society) you will see people don't actually care. She put herself in that situation it's a witch hunt blah blah blah blah .
I hate society right now

Not really. I meant it’s a shame I didn’t notice it was an assault at the time. It’s a shame that the conviction rates for this type of crime are so poor. RB’s potential crimes have only received attention because of his status. It’s a shame that there are so many non-famous people doing similar things and not many people are interested.

This is sad

It's porn culture. It's what they see as sex in porn and the women "love it". So it's what they do to the women in real life because they think that's what they should do.

I'm sorry you went through that.

Perhaps more people would be interested if, as you say, more victims actually recognised they'd been assaulted and reported a crime?

It’s not too late to report him, if you want to.

Unfortunately sexual health education does not include 'what can sexual assault look like?' (or at least my sex ed didn't). It bloody should.

Maybee-the point is-enablers

It does now. In my kids’ school anyway. Thank god

Although I understand what you are trying to say, I think people are less likely to recognise SA when it’s from a celeb.

Often they’re very star struck and are willing to go home with them because they feel like they know them.
They’d also be much more willing to do things that they wouldn’t normally do.

Then they feel like they can’t tell anyone because it was there choice to go with them and no one would believe them if they did say anything.

Sadly we need to be educating our daughters so they can protect themselves because the politicians, the police, schools, media, the courts won't protect our girls. We shouldn't have to make girls fear the potential of men but sadly we need to warn them of it. And blaming women for not reporting or reacting is ridiculous when the fear of the consequences of doing either is very real and seen over and over again.

I'm in my 40s. I was mentally and physically abused at 18. Noone cared when I tried to talk about it, including my own family. My abusive marriage ended with police involvement but he walked away and was allowed to use the divorce system and the csa to abuse me further and threaten my children but nothing was done beyond them noting it happened.

Dating now i'm middle aged I thought I was clued up. After a first date, that lasted through lunch and dinner, we got on so well that we had one kiss and arranged a second day out.

Oh how naive and stupid I was to agree to go back for a coffee in the middle of the afternoon to a respectable neighbourhood after our second date, when he had picked me up. He completely changed. Didn't even offer me a drink when we got to his. Wanted to 'watch' a film then proceeded to grope me despite me saying no multiple times.

I realised noone knew where I was because we hadnt planned to go to his. He was intent on trying to touch me and when I insisted he stop he then stripped off naked in front of me because he said his 'pants felt tight'. I should have told him to fuck off and walked out but fear gripped me and I meekly told him I was not having sex with him no matter what he did. Luckily he eventually got dressed and took me home, in silence.

He had sexually assaulted me but sadly it never occurred to me to report him because we have been programmed as women to feel like we are to blame for unwisely putting ourselves into those positions. I had to act in a pleasant manner to make sure i got out of the house safely

We need to find a way of educating young women to know the reality of life that puts them at risk without blaming them for the situations they find themselves in.

We shouldn't have to but sadly the institutions assigned to protect us just don't care. I will be cancelling my tv licence tomorrow as I'm sick of funding an institution that refuses to behave with any shred of decency. If we all took a stand against company's like the bbc, who have failed to show any integrity in such matters, then maybe things would change. People forget the only real power they have against corporations that rely on our money is to starve them of it. Sadly most people care more about the next episode of eastenders than they do about stopping the real life abuses of power.

This happens a lot. But it is only worth reporting the celebrities because they have money. Reporting Mr Nobody means you have to relive the trauma for nothing except the satisfaction of seeing the perpretator shamed but you likely get shamed too.. Reporting a celebrity does offer the chance of some financial compensation that might go someway to healing. Also it is galling to see celebrities acting holier than thou or as family people when you know they are not.

The police don't give a shit, or at least they didn't in the early 2000s. An officer compared my rape to me forgetting to lock my door at night, because i'd wore a short dress out clubbing (like other 21 year olds), so I hadn't made a safe choice. The police didn't bother doing a rape kit or taking a statement. I was told there was no point, it wouldn't make it to trial because i'd been drinking, there were no witnesses and to "just make smarter choices next time".

I went and got myself checked out at the health clinic and the nurse did a rape kit (she believed me). i was black and blue where i'd been held down, bruising internally and i had a nasty tear. She contacted the police for me because she was sure they'd listen to her and the evidence, they'd surely want to investigate. I never heard anything else from the police.

I don't assume assaults haven't been reported, especially historical ones and I don't blame anyone for not reporting assaults either, I wish I hadn't (it made it worse - i blamed myself for a long time).

It often takes hindsight to realise some things you experienced were not OK. I hope someone has "accidentally" bitten him when he's tried it again.

Sorry to hear that @LouHey I hope you've managed to deal with the trauma of it all. The experience of going through what you did is enough but the brush off when reporting it is despicable.

My Twitter feed says the opposite

I am so sorry @LouHey , what you have experienced is appalling

@LouHey there is no statute of limitations for rape and other serious sexual offences, should the health centre have kept the rape kit. That said, I'd understand reluctance to try again - I was sexually assaulted some years ago by an acquaintance, and I've not reported it because I dread having to go through that process.