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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU with my SIL?

6 replies

ImDone89 · 16/09/2023 23:19

SIL (who I will call J) accused me of double booking an event, when it was her mum (who I will call M) who double booked. I booked a weekend away with my bestie and M kindly said she would look after my son (who I will call A). Then a week later, J asked M if they could have a mother/daughter day on the same date as my weekend away. M agreed and had forgotten she was already busy.

When it got closer to the date, M realised that she'd double booked and apologised to me. I organised other childcare so she could have the day with her daughter and we moved on - because it wasn't a big deal.

J then made a mountain out of a molehill and accused me of spending every weekend with M. I asked M when was the last time A stopped over and she said a month ago. So not every weekend.

Long story short, J ended up calling me names including "naiive, ignorant and a b!tch" and accused me of stealing all of her mum's time. I did not dignify that with a response. A few days later when I had calmed down, I wrote a long message to her to explain why she had been so wrong (there was a lot more to it but this is already a loooong post) and I'm going to leave it now because I have got 2 boys under 5 years old - I really haven't got the time for her to act like a child as well. (My eldest, A, has ADHD and my youngest is a baby, so that's a handful in itself, without having to deal with her self-made tantrums!)

I don't really have a question, I just wanted to rant. Also, to put it into perspective, J and I are both in our mid 30s. You know that film 13 going on 30? Yeah, that... in reverse! Haha!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 16/09/2023 23:26

I wouldn’t have written a long message justifying myself. Where’s your husband in all this? I wouldn’t have anything to do with anyone who called me a bitch.

Is it possible MIL has been complaining to her about doing too much childcare?

Throwncrumbs · 16/09/2023 23:28

Why wasn’t your husband looking after your boys?

Chudasama89 · 16/09/2023 23:39

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/09/2023 23:26

I wouldn’t have written a long message justifying myself. Where’s your husband in all this? I wouldn’t have anything to do with anyone who called me a bitch.

Is it possible MIL has been complaining to her about doing too much childcare?

Thank you for your message x

I've told J that I'm done and won't be seeing her again. She can still see my boys at M's house as they are related, and it's not their fault that me and J don't get on. I also told my husband that he doesn't need to get in the middle of this if he doesn't want to. She's still his sister and I would never make him choose between people he loves. He does still speak to her, but now it's just minimal conversation and small talk.

I've had the best time since I haven't spoken to her, such a big weight off my shoulders. She likes being right and being in charge. What she says goes. M is happily subservient to J and has never complained about doing childcare. She's even said in the past that she would love to see more of them. M stopped at our house for 2 night last week because she missed them so much.

MrsMous · 16/09/2023 23:41

Block her. Don’t engage further. Your dh can deals with his family from now on , they are obviously toxic and mil is shit stirring.

Chudasama89 · 16/09/2023 23:42

Throwncrumbs · 16/09/2023 23:28

Why wasn’t your husband looking after your boys?

He was working

saraclara · 17/09/2023 00:09

You really shouldn't have engaged with her after her message. Certainly not with an essay. It's not like she's going to read it and go "oops, I was wrong, sorry". She'll just have felt even more defensive.

You should have left it to her mum to explain what went wrong. And your DH if it had gone further.

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