To distance myself from friend

[Phillipson]

I’m 25 and my friend is a few years older. I met him through work and we sometimes go out after work. He’s gay, so no romantic motives.

He drinks, smokes, vapes and sometimes smokes weed - I don’t do any of this aside from socially drink. His drinking tolerance is really high and there’s been a couple of occasions where I don’t want to drink further, but he insists on getting another drink or shot. Literally coming back to the table with drinks/shots. Yesterday he did around 6 shots of gold tequila and was barely tipsy. Sometimes he tries to get me to smoke with him too.

I want to distance myself from him because I feel like he won’t take no from an answer and that I’m being put in situations where I don’t want to drink, but he really pressures me into doing so. I know I can just say no, but ultimately if I’ve already been drinking it’s harder for me to say no - I’m already out of my senses and he’s kind of taking advantage of that? Aibu?

He sees you as a drinking buddy. So wants you to fit into that role. Bin him off, he isn't a friend.

Yeah, the older I get the less I like long nights out and drinking/clubbing. I think I’ve outgrown that and he is still in that phase. I’m happy to sip one long drink, he will spend £100s on a night out on back to back drinks

You're not unreasonable to want to distance yourself from this friend.

Your are unreasonable for drinking drinks he buys when you don't want them, and blaming him for this. You don't have to drink them. Go to the bar and buy yourself a diet coke and leave the shots on the table. He'll either drink them himself or learn he's wasted his money.

Exactly, you don’t need to actually drink anything he puts in front of you.

On Monday we went out for quick meal after work, I was saying how tired I was due to
busy period at work and that I’m ready to go home and sleep so no alcohol for me. He kept asking me to do a shot and I said no, had to insist. He then went to the bathroom and came back to the table with shots. I didn’t have one. He had both himself. I found this odd because we literally just went home after and had work the next day, like the buzz from the shots would have been wasted?

Yesterday we went to a bingo event with a large group of friends. Again, I said from the start that I wasn’t interested in drinking loads, have been really busy/stressed/tired with work etc. The only reason I went out was because it was an activity and our friend’s engagement celebration, if it was a proper night out I’d stay home. He kept buying more and more drinks and telling me to have them. I think for me, it’s just disrespectful to keep insisting when I’ve already said I have a boundary.

Also I think he might have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol…

I agree that he's disrespecting your boundaries and absolutely hate people like this, I think they tend to do it to make their own serious drinking seem OK, rather than OTT which it is by the sound of things. I also accept that it's easy to feel pressured into drinking it, if your friend has already bought it, and especially after you've already had a couple of drinks or. In your shoes OP, I'd bin him off, you've obviously outgrown him, and if he asks you why in a sober moment, tell him the truth, that you've grown up and don't need to drink to excess to have a good time! Maybe that'll give him something to think about.