Is this normal behaviour? What would you call it?

[JMSA]

I divorced my husband for cheating about 10 years ago now. I live with our 3 daughters and they go to his place every second weekend. My 22 year old is going there this weekend for the first time in a few months. Obviously she's busy with her own life at her age. Long story short, he pays a good amount in maintenance but I do all the nitty-gritty parenting. I don't think he has ever washed an item of their clothing or made a single packed lunch. You get the picture. I keep contact with him to an absolute minimum. He really seems to hate me, which unnerves me a bit as no one else in my life feels that way about me. He is difficult to deal with and hates the thought of helping me out in any way ... not that I'd even bother asking! We simply don't have that kind of relationship unfortunately.
Ex husband is a very high earner (millionaire) and money is NO issue for him whatsoever. I work full-time in a low paid job.

Anyway, 22 year old is working really hard at the moment. Long shifts, day after day. She doesn't have many items of work uniform, and so asked her dad before going there if she could wash it at his. I find it strange that she even has to ask, but never mind. He replied no, her uniform would need to be washed at my place. She could hang it up to dry at his.

Another example - also this weekend - our 17 year old had an appointment with a counsellor for anxiety. I made the appointment and have been doing my best to support her. Ex husband told her 'make sure your mum has paid for the appointment before you go'. Like it would have killed him to offer practical support. He will pay for the next appointment, I'm sure, but still ... It wasn't even my weekend with the girls and I don't think it would have killed him to sort it (and I would have transferred half). He is aware that I have been feeling overwhelmed for various reasons.

Wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire! I'm kind of over it now, but find his attitude and behaviour bizarre. Surely it's best if we had a good co-parenting relationship for the benefit of our daughters. That's never going to happen, and I've made my peace with that.

But what would cause someone to act like that? He is so full of resentment that anyone would think I cheated on him!

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - he’s a prick!

He’s either put out you stood up to him by leaving, super tight with money, or just generally has no interest in being a parent. Either way, the lot of you are better rid of him, and instead of challenging him, I’d just slowly cut him out. Your children will probably follow suit once they grow up to realize how little he does.

View him as that cousin you barely see, and don’t think more of him

It’s eating him alive that you wouldn’t be walked upon and put up with his cheating ways. Its eating him alive that you have a more satisfying life doing with less money than putting up with him and his crap. It gets to him that your daughters see you for a strong woman and he doesn’t get to play happy family. You have kicked his cheating ass to the curb, put him in his place and he resents you for it. Well done you for putting yourself first and being such a good role model for your daughters. I bet they see him for the dick head is is.
I bet he’s a very short man too

Thank you both, very much indeed.

I am actually sick of him and how he looks down on me, like I'm some bug he has to bear. I try not to let it bother me, but it sometimes does get me down that someone could see me like that. A more emotionally intelligent man would realise that this is a bit off, and want to explore it. But his narcissistic streak could never countenance that it's actually him, not me.

Anyway, thanks again for your kind replies. And I'm sorry to say that he is very tall ... albeit with a small minded attitude!