Anyone here who is learning or has learned how to be single (no kids)? Can you give some advice, please.

[IGetUpAndIGoOn]

Most of the time I am fine.
But I’d be lying if I said I don’t ever get lonely.
Yes, I also know that not all relationships and marriages are full time happiness and there are awful relationships too, and it better to be single than in one of those.

That been said, I do sometimes feel weird, I feel little envy sometimes of couples because they don’t have to deal with life alone, they have company, more money, social gatherings can be weird when I’m the only single or the only one who’s been single for so long.
And sometimes I just can’t listen to people complain about small stupid stuff about their relationships - I do my best but it feels like I’m the wrong person to complain to.
And this year I have had two massive panic attacks for just feeling lonely.
I made it through - but it’s not like I can tell anyone about them, so I keep it to myself.

Anyone else who had to learn to be alone/single? And I mean actually alone, no kids (sorry, but you got company / ’normal’ path in life, so it’s just different.
What did you do?

I think Mumsnet is the wrong website to post for advice from people with no children. But I understand how you feel regarding the loneliness as I had zero friends in secondary school and hated it

There is a childfree section. Have a look I think there is a thread on single childfree women

I've been single for about 20 years now. No kids.

I like it that way. I'm sorry you're finding it lonely though.

Oh, I thought there were all kinds of people here.
That’s why I thought it would be okey to ask.

There are 😁
Most are lovely, some though are oddly territorial...

Head of to the section for childfree. I am sure you will get find support from people in similar situation.

Loneliness is difficult OP - so I get you.

Interestingly - what would your stance be on a single person whose only child/children emigrated say to Australia? Although they've techinically got a son/daughter - it's certainly not in the day to day contact sense most people would have

Not true.
many mumsnetters are single and child free.

It's not an issue to post in a General section but you are more likely to reach women who are child free in the child free section, rather than a cross-section including possibly less helpful replies.

What you might get from MNers with children (and partners!) Is a deep heartfelt appreciation of the freedom that comes with being single and child free

I get you, I have a partner so I know its not the same but I don't have children and never likely to now, its my choice I guess but dictated by medical issues.

Honestly while its great to be independent and free, there are loads of positives which you should embrace but humans aren't meant to be alone, we are meant to exist in community and I say that as someone with strong loner-ish tendencies. It doesn't have to be a partner or your own children but involvement in a wider group of friends or family is important, I enjoy being in solitude but its isn't good for me to do to excess and I know I need push myself more to get out into the world and be with people more often. Volunteering can be great or more social hobbies, I know it sounds trite.

Yes, I’ve now posted on the childfree section also.

What you might get from MNers with children (and partners!) Is a deep heartfelt appreciation of the freedom that comes with being single and child free

Yeah, I’m really not feeling that appreciative of my situation and would turn it around them and tell them to be happy for being so lucky and to go hold your partners and kids extra tight right now😂!

I'm 47 currently single & sadly have ended up childless due to health problems.
I'm not planning to stay single... but sadly my focus has to be on my mum at present who is terminally ill.

I can't lie I didn't think I would end up childless; I did intend to 'go it alone' until relatively recently if I didn't meet a decent partner.. but my health problems have been a massive complication that I have had to take into account.

I don't say I'm 'childfree' because I haven't chosen this.
Adoption would not be right for me, although I guess it's very likely I could end up meeting a man with either young or grown up children who I may have a relationship with.

I cope because I'm on high dose anti psychotics & anti depressants which make me feel quite 'content' and almost emotionally numb in some ways, although my feelings on the subject do breakthrough at times and I get upset.
But generally I've put my feelings about being a mother in a separate box and keep the lid on it. I don't talk or think about it.
I do spend time with my friends young children which is nice (usually).
I also get to put my motherly instincts to good use in my job as a part time HCA & as an owner of a rescue cat.
Also I have hobbies and lots of friends.

Knowing that I don't have to worry about my 'biological clock' has taken the pressure off regarding men and I enjoy flirting with various men I know, been asked out by a couple, will see what happens.

It helps if you know other childless or childfree women too.
I know a few aged mid 40s upwards.

My best mate is a cancer survivor who went through an early menopause so no children.
3 friends have had several long term relationships but none that led to children & they didn't feel it was right for them to go it alone.
2 friends met husbands who already had children and didn't want any more.
& 1 married a younger man but it turns out he's infertile and neither of them can afford ivf (she's too old for nhs).

They all cope emotionally by talking to their friends, having pets & having hobbies & busy jobs.

Plus one friend - the only one who is actually happy about not having children- has a long term lover and she dislikes the idea of having her own child!

I have a gay male friend (so I know it is a bit different) who is single no kids and seems really happy with his life. He lives near his family and sees them regularly. He has pets. He has lots of friends. He’s self-employed and seems to enjoy his work. He also does really important, meaningful volunteer work. He has a beautiful house that he’s put a lot of effort into making a really special space for him and anyone who comes to stay.

Can also think of a female friend of my mum’s who seems content, social and active in her single no kids life. I can think of a few things they have in common:

1. close to family and see them regularly
2. lots of friends
3. meaningful work or volunteer work helping other people
4. they both make a lot of effort to create a nice home space that is nice for them and nice to visit
5. interestingly they both have religious faith - I don’t and obviously it’s something you either have or you don’t, and I’m sure plenty of religious people are unhappy, but I wonder if it plays a role in making them feel loved (by God as well as family and friends) and part of a wider meaning and community. I wonder also if religious faith can sometimes play a role in helping people accept their lives the way they are rather than constantly wishing them different? But obviously some traditional communities can make people feel very pressured to marry and have children.

I get it, tonight I'm sat in my pj's watching rugby. Last night I did the same. I had a shit day yesterday, when I would have loved a partner to share that with but a couple of friends were my saviours.

I love all my friends and do stuff with all my friends single and coupled. But it times like tonight I would love to sit and chat with someone, not quite sure the cats are much conversationalists