Unhealthy friendship

[elsieandthepooch]

DD is in a 2 form primary and has just started year 1. She has a "friendship" with another girl in the opposite year 1 class that we requested she was separated from after numerous problems throughout reception.

We have not encouraged this friendship as DD spent much of her reception year in tears and not wanting to go to school. The other little girl has said unpleasant things and has also physically hurt my DD.

The teacher last year match DD with a play buddy as she agreed it was an unhealthy dynamic. She did the same with the other girl. DD formed a lovely friendship with her play buddy and she was in her words "glad to be away" from the other girl.

Unfortunately the other girl decided she wanted DD's play buddy to be her best friend which resulted in a lot of upset for DD as she was excluded from playing with her play buddy on the playground and told to go away.

I wasn't too concerned as I knew DD was in the other class, but unfortunately nothing has changed and this other girl is continuing to target and exclude DD. The final straw for me this week was when DD was shoved by this girl and fell and hit her head. It was witnessed by my friends Y6 child and several of her friends.

This situation is restricting DD from developing other friendships and whoever she tries to befriend this other girl comes along each time.

I've asked for a meeting with the school but DH is do enraged he thinks we should contact the other mother and tell her what is happening and ask her to tell her DD to not play with our DD.

When I write it down it sounds petty, but it isn't when each day my 5 year old is coming home sad. Any advice?

I have had similar with my son and I can tell you kids change all the time as they get older and what you might not like now could turn into something totally different in a few years.

The important thing is if it is making your daughter really sad or if she is just saying this and then forgetting about it once she's told you. Kids do take things in different ways. If she seems unhappy then worry about it. But not based on what she says. It could actually not be bothering her much at all. You just don't know

At 5 they are still learning how to be friends. You have years of this ahead of you and you need to be more pragmatic and try to deescalate the drama. Even if the other girl does try to play with your dd's friend, there is nothing you can do about it. The school can continue to work with the other child and can intervene to ensure your dd is not excluded but that's all. The other child can be spoken to about not pushing and there will be a behaviour policy they should follow but again that's it. There is not going to be a huge sanction for one five year old pushing another. Contacting the other parent is a really bad idea. They will not see that their child is at fault.

It’s so fluid at that age. Could you speak privately to the teacher? I agree that speaking to the parents probably isn’t helpful