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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL or us?

52 replies

SM4713 · 15/09/2023 15:21

MIL called DH to say that she is paying for a 3 day stay at an AirBNB. Lovely, thank you etc. He said that we will book it in next month.

She said well no, it needs to be taken next week Tue- Fri! Not only that, its 2 streets from where we live!!! DH pointed out that we have workmen here next week and neither of us can book leave with such short notice. Nor would we want to stay in our own town! He said that the cash would be more useful for when we do book a getaway.

After a huff, she said he was being unreasonable and hung up the phone. Was he unreasonable?

OP posts:
Iwasafool · 16/09/2023 11:02

SM4713 · 15/09/2023 16:23

We've been renovating for 2yrs, and DH is project managing. All structure work has been done. Next week the workmen will be in garage, which doesn't effect the house at all. She only lives 20mins away herself, so the AirBNB wasn't booked for her to stay in. It was DH birthday earlier this year, so presumably as part of that.

Yes- she does have form for doing bonkers things like this. Who would want to stay 2 streets away when it offers absolutely nothing we don't already have?

You have undying admiration from me. Two weeks is driving me round the bend, I think I'd be in a secure hospital if it had been going on for 2 years.

Any tips?

LanaLane · 16/09/2023 11:09

Elly46 · 16/09/2023 11:00

You’ve given a perfectly reasonable reason/s why you can’t and won’t go. Let her huff and don’t give her the feed she craves. I think some in laws fail to realise the level of commitment their sons and daughters have in life. We can’t all have the luxury of dropping our lives to camp out in an air bnb when it takes our fancy.

And some parents, not just in-laws…

Thelnebriati · 16/09/2023 11:10

Did you DH actually ask for cash, or did he say 'cash would be more useful to us than random mystery things we can't use'?

Iliketulips · 16/09/2023 11:11

Nice of her to pay for a break, but surely DH gets some say over where and when. No point in paying for something he really wouldn't enjoy.

Tryingandfailingagain · 16/09/2023 11:18

She is utterly batshit & manipulative, and has dressed up this situation as “gifting”

Ignore her

surely she can use the air b&b

Pr1mr0se · 16/09/2023 11:27

Just trying to be generous to your MIL here. ..... Maybe one of you has been moaning about the house development lately and she's offering this as a a break from it (whilst being close enough to keep an eye on things) but not explaining herself very well? Otherwise, yes it does seem like a potty idea.

heavenhelpmenow · 16/09/2023 12:06

So she books something without checking with either of you first? Then gets mad when she's told you cant go? Her fault entirely!

Songbird54321 · 16/09/2023 12:55

My in laws have booked stuff and then asked us after the fact but it was to join them, not just for us, and generally with 6-9 months notice and absolutely no issue if we said no.
Your MIL sounds a right cracker. I wouldn’t even waste my energy worrying about it, everyone but her can see it’s a strange thing to do and completely unreasonable of her to take the huff about it.

Elaina87 · 16/09/2023 13:14

Not unreasonable to say you can't go on short notice with workmen in etc. But bit rude to say you wouldn't want to go to where she has chosen and also ask for the money instead - very entitled.

ISpyNoPlumPie · 16/09/2023 14:34

Strange gift. Fair enough to say no and not go. I wouldn't ask for the money instead though! That's rude!!

Someoneonlyyouknow · 16/09/2023 14:46

You wouldn't actually need to book time off work though if it's only two streets away. Has she just booked it recently or may she have thought getting away from the renovations would be useful? Unless the house is very swanky - hot tub, cinema room etc - it is an odd gift but hopefully she can get some of the money back. Rude to ask for the cash though

phoenixrosehere · 16/09/2023 15:00

YANBU

It’s ridiculous to book something for people without their knowledge and expect them to drop everything to do it.

I also think her son was saying the money could have been used for somewhere else not that he wanted or was taking the money.

If she lives so close and her son has talked about the renovations, surely she should know that it doesn’t affect the actual house so not sure what her reasoning was.

strawberry2017 · 16/09/2023 15:11

That has got to be the most bizarre trip to book anyone ever!!

Imisssleep2 · 16/09/2023 15:16

Was she booking it as a kind gesture so you could have peace while workmen were in but wanted to make it sound like a gift?

letloz · 16/09/2023 15:18

Do you have kids? If she's throwing in babysitting, I can see why staying a few streets away would have appeal. Timing still not ideal though!

Ohpleeeease · 16/09/2023 15:27

I also think her son was saying the money could have been used for somewhere else not that he wanted or was taking the money.

That’s possible, although the OP said her DH told his mother the cash would be more useful for when they do book a getaway, so it certainly sounded like he was asking for the money, even if that isn’t what he meant. Either way, it’s not his money to decide.

Original poster
SM4713 · 16/09/2023 16:06

I was trying to keep the OP short. DH thanked his mum for the 'gift' and suggested that instead of next week, she could book next month to a place we actually wanted to go. She said she wouldn't know how to book anything on AirBNB and had used that word as thought it meant any type of home rental! DH was polite and suggested if it would be easier, to give him the the cash, and we could book it ourselves. Turns out that her 'friend' has a bedsit in their garden that they rent out and the friend owed her for something!

@Iwasafool The house was derelict, so we lived for 2yrs in the garden in a static caravan. We both also WFH, but made it work. Finally living inside the house is amazing- a decent shower, bath and a washing machine- pure luxury.

OP posts:
housethatbuiltme · 16/09/2023 16:37

she was CLEARLY trying to offer you use of an already booked holiday she can't make, she wasn't offering to buy you a whole new holiday of your choice... who would even consider that she was? let alone moan and ask for the cash?

YABVU... you say no thank you if you don't want it, you don't bitch and then ask for the cash equivalent. So rude.

phoenixrosehere · 16/09/2023 16:49

housethatbuiltme · 16/09/2023 16:37

she was CLEARLY trying to offer you use of an already booked holiday she can't make, she wasn't offering to buy you a whole new holiday of your choice... who would even consider that she was? let alone moan and ask for the cash?

YABVU... you say no thank you if you don't want it, you don't bitch and then ask for the cash equivalent. So rude.

Clearly? Seriously? It wasn’t clear at all and why would her son want to stay in another person’s home when his own home is two streets away. The mum lives 20 minutes away so highly doubt it was a holiday for her.

She was rude to “book” something in the first place without discussing it beforehand and then telling them they had to use it at a specific time with no thought to their schedule.

Georgeandzippyzoo · 16/09/2023 17:18

SM4713 · 15/09/2023 16:23

We've been renovating for 2yrs, and DH is project managing. All structure work has been done. Next week the workmen will be in garage, which doesn't effect the house at all. She only lives 20mins away herself, so the AirBNB wasn't booked for her to stay in. It was DH birthday earlier this year, so presumably as part of that.

Yes- she does have form for doing bonkers things like this. Who would want to stay 2 streets away when it offers absolutely nothing we don't already have?

Why would you book a house fir ANYONE without checking thier dates and plans. Noone would want to stay there unless their house was uninhabitable.
We were looking for a cottage no more than 2hrs from our home, and posted a search A lady with a lovely cottage popped up but it was 10mins from home and pretty much opposite my sisters house! Thanks but no thanks!

Ilovecleaning · 17/09/2023 18:06

Hidingawaytoday · 15/09/2023 15:24

What work are you having done? Could it be that she booked it so you didn't have to stay at home while the workmen are there?

Highly unlikely!

angela99999 · 17/09/2023 18:42

Hidingawaytoday · 15/09/2023 15:24

What work are you having done? Could it be that she booked it so you didn't have to stay at home while the workmen are there?

Yes, this was my first thought. My DS and family are currently in an AirB&B whilst their house is being renovated.

HappyMe6 · 17/09/2023 19:03

Just weird I wouldn’t have mentioned cash either

Darlingx · 19/09/2023 06:46

HollaWithDaRisinSound · 15/09/2023 15:51

She sounds mad

are you leaving workmen alone in your house lol id never do that

When we were having our doors and windows fitted, (December) my MIL took the bus from her home town - some considerable distance - to come and sit here with us

We didn't invite her, or want/need her here - she was irritating as fuk, all she did was moan about how cold she was and in the end i snapped and said 'well its your own fault for turning up unannounced when you knew we were having windows and doors ripped out

OMG just thinking of having workmen in your home and MIL the stress levels ! I would include my own mother as being equally annoying to myself let alone partner yet we love our mothers. For some reason we both have single mothers who like to let rip and be high maintenance. We have to holiday with my partners mother otherwise he would never see her and he is an only child. I let her book the airbnb after previous experience and this holiday she realised she has zero knee cartilage not arthritis so could hardly walk any distance . She booked a place up a very steep hill ?Knowing the area is up by the castle on a hill. I can only think that they just don’t think these things through until reality hits. You get the brunt of their frustration either way .

Neverwatchedgameofthrones · 19/09/2023 07:01

OP, your update is brilliant. Thank her for the kind offer, politely decline and spend the next twenty years chuckling about it. Bonkers!