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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A nice person

48 replies

thatladyinred · 15/09/2023 01:16

Do you consider yourself a nice person?

OP posts:
LuciaPillson · 15/09/2023 12:01

I'm bitter, evil and covered in spikes. 🦔

BinkyBeaufort · 15/09/2023 12:29

I have no friends, so probably not.

Screwballs · 15/09/2023 12:33

I really don't know. My self esteem would say no, but my therapist would ask who would tell me I'm not nice people? And I cant answer that.

evelynna · 15/09/2023 12:38

BinkyBeaufort · 15/09/2023 12:29

I have no friends, so probably not.

I'm sure that's not true. Many past threads on here where people have no friends for a variety of reasons.

Lovelynames123 · 15/09/2023 12:47

I think nice is a really boring descriptive word. I'm fun, and I think funny, helpful, friendly, smiley, compassionate, positive and understanding, and all these add up, I suppose, to me being nice. But, I'll also happily defend my boundaries, complain (politely) about anything I'm unhappy about, I can be quite cheeky, so someone coming across me in those instances might not think I'm nice...

For me, I treat people how I'd like to be treated, chat to anyone, I'm told I come across as relaxed and patient so I'm generally pretty well liked, I think, but I'm actually at a point in my life where I'm very comfortable being myself and if anyone doesn't like me I'm not bothered!

Lovelynames123 · 15/09/2023 12:47

And totally agree that the people who rave about how nice and kind they are are usually anything but!

ClairesFriday · 15/09/2023 12:49

*@Lovelynames123
*
You're so right - nice = anything but!

pickledonionsjar · 15/09/2023 12:51

Brightandshining · 15/09/2023 01:57

It's a word everyone has different definitions of.
There's other more precise descriptions I'd probably use for myself like 'open minded' 'compassionate'
There's elements to my personality I don't like too...
I'm not sure anyone is a totally 'nice' or 'horrible' person. Depends on how you define it and the context. And we all have our personal tastes as well.
For example I think my DH is the kindest most decent person I've ever met... I'm not sure his ex would tell you the same. I view his behaviour totally differently. Sure there's some behaviour and personality traits most people would agree are horrible and that's a categorical fact. But the majority of the time it's like one persona shit is another person's gold. One person's annoying is another person's warm and friendly. One person's cold is another's respectful.

This

AffIt · 15/09/2023 12:54

Not especially, although I do think I'm a decent person - honest, fair, reliable and kind if the situation merits it.

eatdrinkandbemerry · 15/09/2023 12:55

No but I try to be .
I have always had a spicy temper but I've paid lots and worked hard to know when to step away and calm myself down.

MatildaTheCat · 15/09/2023 12:56

A while ago my DH made a speech at a birthday party and he gave me a mention- love of his life and ‘nice’. I was kind of annoyed about being described as nice by the person who loves me best. I’d have preferred witty, reliable, compassionate or even bloody annoying at times. All true but nice is definitely bland.

Passingplace · 15/09/2023 13:03

On the whole, yeah.

followingthebreath · 15/09/2023 16:11

I was recently involved in a very tough situation where I was definitely the 'good' person, the person with principles etc. I realised that in any particular story sometimes you do get to be the nice one! And then I guess there are other 'stories' where I've been the one who did something selfish or hurtful.

Whatever my role in a story though, I always try to be 'nice' in the sense of pleasant and kind and polite!

LusaBatoosa · 15/09/2023 18:08

followingthebreath · 15/09/2023 16:11

I was recently involved in a very tough situation where I was definitely the 'good' person, the person with principles etc. I realised that in any particular story sometimes you do get to be the nice one! And then I guess there are other 'stories' where I've been the one who did something selfish or hurtful.

Whatever my role in a story though, I always try to be 'nice' in the sense of pleasant and kind and polite!

I think ‘nice’ and ‘good’ are VERY different concepts. I see the value in being a good person (although I don’t think I’m particularly good). Not in niceness.

KohlaParasaurus · 15/09/2023 18:11

Not particularly, but I'm OK and I don't pretend to be anything that I'm not.

Original poster
thatladyinred · 15/09/2023 18:22

Whispersandsecrets · 15/09/2023 10:06

I used to be and a massive people pleaser but that very slowly stopped when I realised that family and friends took advantage of that. Now I’m outwardly lovely always pleasant, saying the right things, big smiles but inside thinking not so nice thoughts. I’ve been hurt one times too many.

I’m genuinely nice to people when I first meet them (but my feelings change if I find out they’re dicks) I give what I receive.

I could have written that myself. Perfectly said.
I imagine a lot of people feel the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
thatladyinred · 15/09/2023 18:24

LuciaPillson · 15/09/2023 12:01

I'm bitter, evil and covered in spikes. 🦔

Oh that made me laugh! I'd probably get along with you!

OP posts:
readbooksdrinktea · 15/09/2023 18:26

LusaBatoosa · 15/09/2023 05:09

This, basically. I think a lot of people fetishise ‘niceness’, particularly in women. Personally, there are at least a dozen other traits I consider far more important.

So, no, I’m not particularly nice.

Show quote history

Yes, this.

AuntieMarys · 15/09/2023 18:28

Not really because I put myself first and don't martyr myself. I do nice things for people and don't harmful, but I say no a lot

Original poster
thatladyinred · 15/09/2023 18:29

'Nice' is a terrible word. Sorry, i should have worded it differently.
I remember a teacher at school telling me that the word 'nice' was forbidden. Clearly I didn't listen!
I suppose we're all amenable in some way.
I put on a good front and I'm pleasant to everyone. It's not necessarily my true thoughts.

OP posts:
GalileoHumpkins · 15/09/2023 18:32

I'm an absolute delight but I don't think I'm very nice, it's such an insipid thing to aspire to be.

SoupTerribe · 15/09/2023 18:34

I use the words decent and straightforward to describe people o like and respect rather than nice

RicherThanYews · 15/09/2023 18:37

I'm 90% bloody lovely. I firmly hold to the importance of the kindness of strangers but I'm also fucking weird.

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