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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have gone on a date?

15 replies

cranesinthesky · 14/09/2023 23:38

I recently ended things with my child’s father. We were not together and have been trying to work on things for several months. I admit I didn’t trust him because of things that happened in the past and I could not move past them. I was jealous and insecure and we couldn’t make it work.

We ended things and he told me that there is no us, I need to let the dream of us go. So I thought that was it. I’ve actually restarted therapy and trying to take care of myself.

I was asked out for a drink, casual no big deal and I had a really good time. My child’s father heard about this somehow. He’s been messaging me saying he can’t believe that I wouldn’t even try to make things right between us. I’ve proven to him that I never wanted us because the minute I’m free, I meet another guy. Aibu

OP posts:
Faz469 · 15/09/2023 00:01

Not at all. It's one date. Not like you took the guy home to meet your child. You have nothing to worry about. He sounds like an emotionally abusive prick.

LusaBatoosa · 15/09/2023 00:58

he told me that there is no us, I need to let the dream of us go

So, why would going on a date be unreasonable. He’s your ex, your love life is none of his business. Tell him so.

Summer2424 · 15/09/2023 01:24

Hi @cranesinthesky
Omg yanbu at all!
He's the one that said to let the dream of us go!
Glad you had a good date hun xx

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 15/09/2023 02:04

Don't worry about what he says, tell him you decided to move on and he should too. He is the one who destroyed the relationship and your trust.

Theblacksheepandme · 15/09/2023 02:17

You didn't do anything wrong OP. He is your ex which he made perfectly clear. It is absolutely none of his business.

I do think if the split was recent, it may be an idea for you to allow yourself time before you start dating. I sometimes think we need time to be in the right headspace for dating. We can spot red flags more easily.

Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 15/09/2023 02:26

He sounds like a prize knob, you’ll be so much happier without a gaslighting prick in your life.

cheesecroissant · 15/09/2023 03:16

Sounds like he enjoys setting you up to fail. Congrats on moving on and getting rid of the wanker.

SpringleDingle · 15/09/2023 06:45

He’s your ex… he just doesn’t want you to move on. Tell him to get knotted, enjoy dating!!

MiniCooperLover · 15/09/2023 06:46

Ah the old 'I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to want you either'. Bugger that! You did nothing wrong

Theblacksheepandme · 15/09/2023 09:04

Whatever you do OP, please don't let this idiot ex get inside your head. Definitely don't take him back.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 15/09/2023 09:20

Tell him to fuck off - he can’t tell you to give up on the dream then want to control who you see when you see. You’re better off without this loser.

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 15/09/2023 09:23

Tell him to fuck off and laugh in his face. Remind him in words of one syllable that it's over. What a controlling loser: he can't take it that you're not still hankering after him and he can no longer tease and toy with you. Twat.

Original poster
cranesinthesky · 15/09/2023 09:56

Well I’ve had a barrage of texts about how I’m the fuck up in the relationship. When I haven’t answered his questions about my plans for the weekend he said I’m being shady and secretive.

I’ve explained to him that it’s not secret we just don’t not have a relationship and I’m trying to put boundaries in place so we can try to co parent. He’s responded that I’m not respecting him and I’m trying to do something controversial with my weekend. I don’t feel like I need to explain myself to him.

OP posts:
IamnotSethRogan · 15/09/2023 10:01

You don't need to explain yourself to him. From what you've said, it sounds like your relationship has been back and forth. In his mind he thought you would always be there. You going on a date has been a bit of a shock to him as it means you are really moving on and it's actually over, which regardless of what he's said, he wasn't expecting.

This bit will likely be the most painful bit. He doesn't sound like a particularly reasonable person. All you can do is keep reinforcing your boundaries. Keep text messages polite, but short and to the point regarding contact for your child. You do not need to engage in chit chat regarding your plans because they are absolutely none of his business.

Theblacksheepandme · 15/09/2023 13:20

cranesinthesky · 15/09/2023 09:56

Well I’ve had a barrage of texts about how I’m the fuck up in the relationship. When I haven’t answered his questions about my plans for the weekend he said I’m being shady and secretive.

I’ve explained to him that it’s not secret we just don’t not have a relationship and I’m trying to put boundaries in place so we can try to co parent. He’s responded that I’m not respecting him and I’m trying to do something controversial with my weekend. I don’t feel like I need to explain myself to him.

Do you think he could turn nasty OP?

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