Random one about school mums and making friends

[railkard]

I moved to a new area a couple of years ago and I'm generally quite outgoing.

My DD is 3 and a half so not yet at school, but has been going to a school nursery and before that a day nursery. The school nursery is quite school like of course.

Anyway, I'm quite outgoing generally. I don't find it too difficult to strike up a conversation and put myself out there. I've done it a lot since we've moved and even though sometimes I've been successful at arranging to meet people and exchanging numbers and trying to arrange another meet up etc, often people are flakey and don't follow up properly. It's quite clear that a lot of people just don't need or want new friends. I've become a bit despondent and basically can't be arsed much anymore to go out of my way to strike up conversations / make friends and try to continue to put myself out there. I'm not really feeling lonely and have plenty to do. I have a one year old as well and since returning to work, I really just can't be arsed.

I've taken a step back from trying to make and maintain new friendships. I've been to a couple of school events and I've noticed that absolutely no one ever approaches me first. I see various groups chatting ( most people are new at the school my DD has just started at ).

So I wonder, how do those people get into conversations if no one ever initiates ? I haven't been particularly bothered by it, but it's interesting to me that if I sit back, nothing happens. I've got chatting with some of the other mums at drop off and pick up and have found that to be quite a normal situation where I haven't had to initiate and it just happened naturally. Or shock horror, they even initiated. But not so much at the events we've had.

Anyway, how does it work for you ? Do you also feel you have to initiate conversations or no one ever talks to you ? Or do people initiate conversations with you ?

For me it's 50/50. I've had a few Mums completely blank me when I said hello but also had a few parents make a beeline to come chat to me.

I try to be friendly to everyone. Even the bitches that blank me. Smile, say good morning/afternoon. If you come across as friendly and approachable then people will remember you and feel comfortable chatting to you.

Parties are the best ice breaker. When is your DC's birthday? Invite as many as you can, be on your friendly A game and you're bound to leave with a few potential mum friends.

Nursery can be hard, it gets easier at school as people see it as a longer term investment in people who will likely be sticking around for many years to come. Still plenty of people wanting to drop and run, but enough others to meet some people.

Usually activities and volunteering are better for finding like-minded parents and others who want friends - an hour every week spent sitting at the side of a ballet class/football pitch/art club etc is more bonding than a wave at the gate, also volunteering together for fairs etc. If your child has some particular friends, you could ask them over or for a play at the park too.

I agree with throwing a party. You meet lots of parents that way.

But 3 i s a really young age. I don't know if i would be so invested with promoting my kids friendships at that age. I think that all begins in reception.

I take it this is your first child?

What I find is that many school Mums have already been through the nursery/reception and school with older kids, and they therefore know each other and have formed some groups and friendships already.
That doesn't mean all of them are totally closed off to getting friendly or including someone else, but they are just not in the same position as someone coming along new with their first child.

It takes time.

Just be pleasant/chatty and give it time.

The big party is a good ice breaker and the nice people who got invited will invite your child in reciprocation.

Throwing myself out there with zero expectations.
i have made lovely friends and a great number of lovely acquaintances (chat in the park/ drop off/ happily ask them to pick up my child/ have their child for a play date), but I also don’t mind if no one wants to talk to me.