If your DP cheated, would you automatically stop loving them?

[GnTx3]

Hi,

This came from a conversation I had with a friend last week. She said that not only would she not forgive her DP if they cheated, but she wouldn't love them anymore. As in, immediately. All love, gone from that point.

I said I definitely couldn't forgive and am pretty sure that would be it, in terms of the relationship, but I can't imagine that the love would just stop. Yes, I would feel differently about them. I suspect I would hate them actually and the love certainly wouldn't be the same, but it wouldn't be gone entirely....I don't think, anyway.

Am I unusual for feeling like this? I've never really thought about it before this conversation.

YABU - Yes, the love would stop

YANBU - No, I would still love them as well as hating their guts

No I don't think so. I probably would break up with them/divorce though, but it would be a while before I stopped loving them.

I did however stop loving my dad when he cheated on my Mum. As soon as it came out I just stopped. It really made me question whether I'd ever loved him to begin with really, or just thought I did because that was the expectation (that you loved your parents).

Yanbu

This hasn't ever happened to me, but if it did 100% I would walk and the love/respect would be gone.
I'm just not able to put someone's else's want to get their leg over someone new above my want to be in a relationship where monogamy is one of the many core values (wouldn't be in a non-monogamous relationship as that's just a FWB to me).

Was it a quick shag just because it was easy? Or a love-affair. Both would be world-shattering to me if I had invested my heart, time & energy into my partner and our relationship together.

I can say, even after 30 years with DH, the disgust I’d feel that he’d betrayed me like that would cut the love I have for him stone dead. He knows me better than anyone else ever could, has seen all my vulnerabilities and knows I trust him more than anyone so the humiliation that he might think he could disrespect me that much would be even worse after all we’ve been through together. I’d expect him to feel the same.

I’ve never been cheated on to my knowledge but I wouldn’t regard it as a mistake no matter what the circumstances. Even getting so drunk, you apparently don’t realise your appendage is in someone else’s privates until it’s too late is a choice, not a mistake in my book. If you want someone else either sexually or emotionally, go get them, I wouldn’t want you to stay anyway is my boundary. Life is too short to waste it with someone who should have your back but stabs you in the heart instead.

Was going to say this.

The one person I thought who I thought would never, ever stay after an affair did. And well over 10 years later it turned out to be the right decision for that couple.

You just don't know what you'd do until it's your relationship that's in that place

It would depend.

Younger years then I'd could probably still love someone, but the relationship would take work.
In a situation that wasn't good and they handled it badly by looking elsewhere, or playing with fire and it went too far, the relationship would be broken but I'd probably want to try and work through things.

An ongoing affair would probably be a deal breaker to me. That's a full relationship and a different level of deceit than, for example, getting drunk and having a one night stand.