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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my mum is lazy?

25 replies

MintTeaIsMyFav · 14/09/2023 18:03

My mum came to visit us she was only meant to stay for a few days but she ended up staying longer as she wanted to see her male friend up here. The days she hasn’t seen him she’s just sat around my house she has looked after DS1 in between meetings.

I’ve made dinner everyday or made arrangements like take away etc. It gets to 5 and she like ooh what are we going to have for dinner. I suggested chip shop and she’s like oh no there chips are too greasy and the mushy peas have no flavour. The only chippy I like are the ones near me.

If it was MIL she would have took DS out popped to the parks picked something up for dinner.

AIBU? I didn’t expect her to come here and cook and clean but my god me and DH are working cooking cleaning in between. She’s just sat on the sofa moaning about the kids watching there programmes.

Its just moan moan moan and she’s lazy as anything.

OP posts:
TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 14/09/2023 18:04

So send her home? Tell her she isn't welcome to stay in your house and loaf around.

MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 14/09/2023 18:06

So she's 'lazy'....what of it?

MermaidEyes · 14/09/2023 18:07

I'd have had chip shop chips and made her sort herself out. She can find the bread bin surely?

MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 14/09/2023 18:08

Your fault for indulging her and letting it happen

TregunaMekoides · 14/09/2023 18:09

When my parents stay with us I don't expect them to lift a finger, same with any guests, despite working. DH and I will cook/provide food and clear up. Especially if they are providing childcare.

If they do help out or buy lunch or a takeaway, it's hugely appreciated but never expected.
They do the same when we go and stay there. I guess it's just the way I was brought up to treat guests in your home.

Coolhand2 · 14/09/2023 18:21

I think she is lazy too, my mom would clean and cook some meals, not just sit all day. Maybe you should tell her she should help out with something around the house.

Catza · 14/09/2023 18:23

I absolutely never expect my mother or any other guest to do ANYTHING in my house. What your MIL does is entirely irrelevant. If you are not happy for her to stay unless she contributes meaningfully to the household then don't invite her over. I am sure she did plenty of cleaning and cooking for you when you were growing up and if you were anything like other teenagers, you sat on a sofa moaning while she cleaned around you.

oioicheeky · 14/09/2023 18:26

Yeah that's lazy, it would annoy me too OP.

Ascendant15 · 14/09/2023 18:26

TregunaMekoides · 14/09/2023 18:09

When my parents stay with us I don't expect them to lift a finger, same with any guests, despite working. DH and I will cook/provide food and clear up. Especially if they are providing childcare.

If they do help out or buy lunch or a takeaway, it's hugely appreciated but never expected.
They do the same when we go and stay there. I guess it's just the way I was brought up to treat guests in your home.

I agree. It's nice if a guest helps out, but I wouldn't expect it. After all, they did do it all when the kids were growing up. A few days or weeks of "laziness" every now and then is OK. But if you don't like it, say so. Set your boundaries. And live with the consequences.

ilovesooty · 14/09/2023 18:29

If you're not happy tell her to go home in the morning then.

Itick8outof10boxes · 14/09/2023 18:29

It's the moaning that would annoy me. Set the time for her to go home.

listsandbudgets · 14/09/2023 18:29

What's the situation when you go to her house? Does she expect you to do everything or does she do all the cooking, cleaning etc.? If the latter, it may be a reflection of what she expects when staying with you.

Why don't you ask her though "Mum would you do me a favour and take Minimint to the park tomorrow please, we've been so busy I'm worried he's not getting out enough and he loves spending time with you"

SnowflakeCity · 14/09/2023 18:30

I think it's unreasonable to expect your mum to still feed you tbh. I think at this point when she is a guest in your home you should be feeding her. If she wasn't there you would be getting food anyway so it really isn't a big deal.

TomatoSandwiches · 14/09/2023 18:32

Is that all she is to you someone to come and do things for you?

WorseDecision · 14/09/2023 18:33

Send her home.

BrokenAndAfraid · 14/09/2023 18:35

Sounds like she's come to yours for a break! Mine is the same. Will tell me shes parched when she wants a drink or 'her stomache thinks her throats cut' when she wants feeding !!

MariaVT65 · 14/09/2023 18:36

I totally get you Op.

My MIL is amazing and volunteers to come and help us out. When my mum comes, she is useless, addicted to her phone, also moans about the kids tv shows on 2 year old has on.

Same pattern when we visit them. I am also heavily pregnant and my mum offered absolutely no help and instead just stressed all day about my 2 year old spilling some food.

The result is that I won’t be going to visit my mum anytime soon. Yes it’s nice to see relatives but not when they make your already stressful like even more stressful.

stayathomer · 14/09/2023 18:36

I just always think, think of the things you find tiring now. Now add20 or 30 years on. I think we’ll all be there. And personally I find it heaven to get somewhere and have people’wait’ on me (my dsis hates the way I clean etc etc, she won’t admit it so tells me to sit down etc etc!!)

DeeCeeCherry · 14/09/2023 18:37

She's looked after your DS between meetings. She raised you - perhaps to be entitled, the way you speak of her. But still. Why can't she laze and relax now? If you don't like that then send her home. That's what I'd do as moaning gets on my wick. As to the rest you have a husband, you're not on your own with all chores and childcare falling on your shoulders are you. Send Mum home and get on with life

Bruisername · 14/09/2023 18:41

shes Reliving your teenage years - just the other way round

Original poster
MintTeaIsMyFav · 14/09/2023 18:46

Bruisername · 14/09/2023 18:41

shes Reliving your teenage years - just the other way round

I know I just said this too hubby 🤣

OP posts:
Bruisername · 14/09/2023 18:52

so I don’t think you can complain!

honestly I would love it if my mum did this as she ends up tiring herself out! I want her to just relax and enjoy spending time with us

and where do the dads all fit in

mrsm43s · 14/09/2023 18:59

As well as providing you with unpaid childcare, you also want her to cook for you?

pilates · 14/09/2023 19:39

Yes, but what can you do about it? Nothing. Just make sure the visits are short and sweet.

RyanGoslingsTan · 14/09/2023 19:50

mrsm43s · 14/09/2023 18:59

As well as providing you with unpaid childcare, you also want her to cook for you?

Exactly this! Entitled much?

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