To be pissed off?

Ilovepugs2017 · 2023-09-14T13:23:01+00:00

Sister said she would look after kids for a couple of nights so me and DH could go to father in laws funeral 250 miles away. We are on our way there now, my brother just called me to say our sister has asked him can he watch my kids and her kids Saturday night so she can go out for a bit? He’s already got 5 kids of his own and is looking after our two dogs whilst we are away. DH is fuming as she offered to have them and now seems to want to do her own thing and expect my brother to have the responsibility

gamerchick · 14/09/2023 14:26

It's up to him. Why is he ringing you? He can say no.

AshleyLookAtMe · 14/09/2023 14:26

YANBU. 2 dogs plus how many kids all together?!?!

Aquamarine1029 · 14/09/2023 14:30

I would be very unimpressed with your sister.

Tinkerbyebye · 14/09/2023 14:31

i don’t know why he called you. He just says no to his sister

Original poster

Ilovepugs2017 · 14/09/2023 14:31

AshleyLookAtMe · 14/09/2023 14:26

YANBU. 2 dogs plus how many kids all together?!?!

I’ve got 3 kids. She’s got 2 herself tho one is a teen.
My brother and gf have got 5 kids of their own

OP posts:

Original poster

Ilovepugs2017 · 14/09/2023 14:33

Tinkerbyebye · 14/09/2023 14:31

i don’t know why he called you. He just says no to his sister

I don’t know why she’s planning things though when she’s said to us she would have them? So annoying!

OP posts:

Janieforever · 14/09/2023 14:33

Why’s he calling you? Why can’t he just say yes or no. What’s wrong with him? And if he says no she can’t go out. Why all the drama and fuming going on? It’s not like she dumped them and did a runner. She asked. He can say no and be a grown up and you and your husband can dial down the drama.

TomatoSandwiches · 14/09/2023 14:34

It's not ok for her to pass off your children to anyone without asking you first, she's taking the piss out of your brother.

Original poster

Ilovepugs2017 · 14/09/2023 14:36

TomatoSandwiches · 14/09/2023 14:34

It's not ok for her to pass off your children to anyone without asking you first, she's taking the piss out of your brother.

This is exactly what DH is saying he’s not happy. I specifically didn’t ask my brother to have them as I knew it would be too much for him. She offered

OP posts:

10HailMarys · 14/09/2023 14:39

Tell him to say no, if you don’t want him looking after them.

It’s not ideal for a relative to commit to babysitting and then subcontract it to a different relative, so on principal I think your sister is being out of order, because she isn’t keeping to your arrangement. However, in practice I think I’d just focus on the funeral and not be too bothered about your kids being watched by your brother for a few hours. It certainly would be hectic and obviously the ages of the kids is a factor - how many of are young enough to need constant supervision, are the older ones at an age where they can help keep an eye on the smallest ones - but it seems unlikely they’ll come to harm.

So, yes, your sister’s being a twat but given that your DH has lost his dad and you have a potentially difficult couple of days ahead with the funeral, I think you should just choose your battles on this one.

Watchthedoormat · 14/09/2023 14:40

Your brother was unreasonable telling you about this when he knows it's a stressful time for you and there's nothing you can do about your dsis and dc predicament as you're en-route.
Can't he just quietly agree to have them or tell her NO without involving you at this moment? Does he enjoy a drama?

Your dsis is being very unreasonable. Is she normally unreliable and selfish?

Mooomooland · 14/09/2023 14:45

She is the one being unreasonable

Original poster

Ilovepugs2017 · 14/09/2023 14:45

10HailMarys · 14/09/2023 14:39

Tell him to say no, if you don’t want him looking after them.

It’s not ideal for a relative to commit to babysitting and then subcontract it to a different relative, so on principal I think your sister is being out of order, because she isn’t keeping to your arrangement. However, in practice I think I’d just focus on the funeral and not be too bothered about your kids being watched by your brother for a few hours. It certainly would be hectic and obviously the ages of the kids is a factor - how many of are young enough to need constant supervision, are the older ones at an age where they can help keep an eye on the smallest ones - but it seems unlikely they’ll come to harm.

So, yes, your sister’s being a twat but given that your DH has lost his dad and you have a potentially difficult couple of days ahead with the funeral, I think you should just choose your battles on this one.

I’m happy for him to look after them but I do feel like my sister is taking the piss. She offered to have them so she should is my reasoning

OP posts:

Original poster

Ilovepugs2017 · 14/09/2023 14:47

Watchthedoormat · 14/09/2023 14:40

Your brother was unreasonable telling you about this when he knows it's a stressful time for you and there's nothing you can do about your dsis and dc predicament as you're en-route.
Can't he just quietly agree to have them or tell her NO without involving you at this moment? Does he enjoy a drama?

Your dsis is being very unreasonable. Is she normally unreliable and selfish?

My brother hates drama the same as me. He called me about something else (the boys rugby match) and mentioned it then so he hadn’t called specifically about that. Chances are he will probably agree to have them because he just wants a quiet life tbh.

Unfortunately she is quite selfish usually and always thinks of herself but considering the situation she kindly offered to have them and we accepted as my parents are currently away on holiday otherwise they would have had them.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ilovepugs2017 · 14/09/2023 14:49

10HailMarys · 14/09/2023 14:39

Tell him to say no, if you don’t want him looking after them.

It’s not ideal for a relative to commit to babysitting and then subcontract it to a different relative, so on principal I think your sister is being out of order, because she isn’t keeping to your arrangement. However, in practice I think I’d just focus on the funeral and not be too bothered about your kids being watched by your brother for a few hours. It certainly would be hectic and obviously the ages of the kids is a factor - how many of are young enough to need constant supervision, are the older ones at an age where they can help keep an eye on the smallest ones - but it seems unlikely they’ll come to harm.

So, yes, your sister’s being a twat but given that your DH has lost his dad and you have a potentially difficult couple of days ahead with the funeral, I think you should just choose your battles on this one.

I know they will be safe and looked after no matter what but I am just annoyed with the fact she has done this. It’s not fair after she has agreed to have them for a couple of days.

Yes I know, as I said to DH we know they are fine and we just need to concentrate on your dads funeral now and maybe have a chat with her when we get back

OP posts:

zusje · 14/09/2023 15:02

I mean asking your brother to look after the kids for a few hours (or even a night) so she can do something (possibly pre planned?) is hardly "pawning them off" to your brother if she's watching them the rest of the time (you said a couple of nights but it's Thursday and you're already on your way there and this is about Satuday night, so we're talking 3 nights minimum). It's hardly the end of the world if your sister goes out to pub or whatever for a few hours on a Saturday and doesn't minimize the help considering she's looking after your kids today, tomorrow, saturday all day and possibly also at least part of Sunday (if you're not back by Saturday night I'm assumign you won't be back first thing Sunday morning)?

CharlotteBog · 14/09/2023 15:08

zusje · 14/09/2023 15:02

I mean asking your brother to look after the kids for a few hours (or even a night) so she can do something (possibly pre planned?) is hardly "pawning them off" to your brother if she's watching them the rest of the time (you said a couple of nights but it's Thursday and you're already on your way there and this is about Satuday night, so we're talking 3 nights minimum). It's hardly the end of the world if your sister goes out to pub or whatever for a few hours on a Saturday and doesn't minimize the help considering she's looking after your kids today, tomorrow, saturday all day and possibly also at least part of Sunday (if you're not back by Saturday night I'm assumign you won't be back first thing Sunday morning)?

OP said that her sister said she would look after the children. This makes me think OP didn't ask, but her sister offered.

I am also a bit confused about 'couple of nights'. OP is on her way now, so a couple of nights would be Thursday and Friday.

It sounds like the sister wants brother to have all the children overnight, not just for a few hours in the evening.

10 children and 2 dogs is a lot. Does your brother have a partner?

zusje · 14/09/2023 15:15

CharlotteBog · 14/09/2023 15:08

OP said that her sister said she would look after the children. This makes me think OP didn't ask, but her sister offered.

I am also a bit confused about 'couple of nights'. OP is on her way now, so a couple of nights would be Thursday and Friday.

It sounds like the sister wants brother to have all the children overnight, not just for a few hours in the evening.

10 children and 2 dogs is a lot. Does your brother have a partner?

Show quote history

Yes I get that. If my brother/sister or close friend was telling me "oh we have to go to x for few nights and unsure what to do with kids" I'd be the type of person to say "don't worry about that, I will look after them" as I'd want to unburden my loved one and help them out. If I had somethng planned I would try and rearrange if possible of if impossible or something came up I'd try and sort it with somebody else without involving my already stressed out loved one. I hardly feel like asking another trusted family member (who has a GF as OP mentioned in previous comments) to look after a loved ones kids for a few hours (or even overnight) is the end of the world nor does it minimize the rest of the childminding the sister is doing. Ultimately even if it is the full Saturday night (we don't know this is true, I imagine unlikely as where would the brother find 5 extra sleeping spaces for his already quite busy household and the OP said is her post "she can go out for a bit") I imagine the kids will be asleep for most of it? Hardly a full day of 10 kids running around is it? Still means the sister is looking after 3 kids (on top of her 2) for 72 hours or more which surely is a great help to her sister? I wouldn't begrudge my sister who is doing me a major favour a few hours to herself tbh.

Catza · 14/09/2023 15:47

It's a non issue. You have two capable family members who are willing to look after your kids. The only unreasonable thing is for your brother to actually call you at all. They should have sorted it out between them and call it a day.
I don't see why you would be annoyed with your sister. If you didn't trust your brother for some reason, I could understand your point but you were happy for him to look after the kids in principle and simply didn't want to bother him. He, himself, doesn't seem to mind so what's the issue? The fact that your sister said she would do it and then wanted to see if brother will chip in for a few hours? So it's the matter of principle rather than an actual concern?

I would absolutely not bring this up and if you do, your sister has a full right to never agree to look after your kids ever again. And if your husband has a problem, he could arrange childcare next time.