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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Birthday plans being ruined!

12 replies

mrspixie1 · 14/09/2023 11:36

I have a big birthday coming up in Feb to which I have planned to take myself and hubby to New York. We’ve never been and its something that I have wanted to do my whole life, this means a lot to me for many reasons.
Hubby is getting his Citizenship and applied last month, I did all of his application, documents, appointments. I normally do all admin in our relationship. Anyway I have miscalculated and now it turns out that we might not get a passport in time for him to travel to US, he would need a visa with his current passport.
I got really upset and snapped at him but only because I am so worried we won’t go. Flights and hotel are booked and it wasn’t cheap. All paid for by me.
Hubby reacted with - its our fault we were not careful in checking and planning - but he didn’t plan a thing or check a thing. He said I trust you, and let me get on with it all. I work FT and daughter starting school which all comes down to me at the end of the day, sorting out her new childcare arrangements/ uniform etc.
Anyway, I snapped as I was hurt he didn’t say we will find a way to go, all he could say is well we should have planned better even though he knows how much this means to me. And I’ve organised this all myself. AIBU to be annoyed with him and to get this upset?
I really hope this works out as it means the world to me and plus I don't want to lose the money.

OP posts:

CatherinedeBourgh · 14/09/2023 11:40

So apply for the visa? He has residency if he's applying for nationality, a visa likely won't be a big deal.

Fiddlerdragon · 14/09/2023 11:41

Tbh it’s you that fucked up so if was anyone who had the right to snap, it was him. I can see why you were stressed though. Going by your oh’s wording it sounds like he was actually trying to be kind, it was you who made the error but he said ‘WE should have planned better’, so taking some of the responsibility of the cock up on himself so you didn’t feel as bad. The fact that you are doing all the admin may be an issue, but as it is, you have acknowledged that you have taken all responsibility for it so you can’t blame him for you messing up, and certainly not for shouting at him about it after!

Lydiala · 14/09/2023 11:45

Stop snapping at people - it will do nothing to help - and calmly reassess your options.

Apply for the visa using his current passport. You’re not going until February so you have plenty of time.
Leave him at home and take a friend instead.
Leave him at home and go by yourself instead.

Wanderingllama · 14/09/2023 11:51

Am I understanding right you just submitted naturalisation application? No way could you have possibly think he can get it, have cremony and apply and get passport in under 6 months.
Or did you apply for passport as he is now a citizen? It might still come by then but yeah, do visa on his current one

WandaWonder · 14/09/2023 11:53

Snapping then being annoyed again nevaude he did not react the way you created in your head? And you are now wondering if you were in the wrong? Yes you were

Original poster

mrspixie1 · 14/09/2023 11:57

Thank you. That is what sensible me would be thinking but highly emotional me is not! I’m just gutted if this doesn’t work out

OP posts:

Original poster

mrspixie1 · 14/09/2023 12:00

Yes I suggested this, and he was like no because he can’t be bothered. We should have planned it better!

OP posts:

YouveGotAFastCar · 14/09/2023 12:01

He said "WE messed up" - so he was being kind, really; as you acknowledge it was your error.

"I was hurt he didn’t say we will find a way to go" and this wouldn't have helped; and in reality, most people would have responded to it to say that without a passport and a visa, there is no way to go; so it's either an uninformed comment or an unhelpful one!

There's not a way to go anyway if his visa doesn't come through. It's understandable to be stressed that something you've dreamt about might not come off, but it's not his fault either.

Your options now are to either wait it out and hope for the best, or to explore what options you'd have for rescheduling if it does fall apart.

Wanderingllama · 14/09/2023 12:03

Is his passport a problem pasaport that visa are not the way?
Naturalisation can take 3 months to come through, it can take 30 months.

TheSandgroper · 14/09/2023 12:03

If he doesn’t have to give up his citizenship of his home country, can you continue to apply on his current passport?

Or does the citizenship process mean you give in the passport as part of his id and then you don’t see it for months. If that’s the case, perhaps ring them and ask for the passport back once the boxes are ticked.

CatherinedeBourgh · 14/09/2023 12:03

mrspixie1 · 14/09/2023 12:00

Yes I suggested this, and he was like no because he can’t be bothered. We should have planned it better!

Sounds like he doesn't really want to go anyway. Is there anyone else you could go with?

EvilElsa · 14/09/2023 12:04

Is there not a possibility to rearrange? February is a while away, look at your options. There may be a fee to rearrange (I've had to pay before) but I don't think it's all doom and gloom.

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