Which back to work option would you choose (maternity leave and first time mum!)

[inoo]

My job can be quite intense. I’m lucky that work have said I can go back either three or four days a week, using holiday to bridge the gap so I am still on full pay. We have a lot of holiday so even on a 3 day working week that would last 6 months, on a four day working week, that would last almost a year.

I am a first time mum and to complicate things even more, I found out my Dh has been having an affair the last four months so we are in the process of separating… things not been good for a while. I’m trying to think things through and some people say taking 2 days holiday a week will mean I can take a full week ever, as all the holidays will be used up… then others say to pace myself and just get through this first year (dd will be 10 months when she starts nursery) and that having two days a week holiday will keep me afloat with house stuff etc (obviously I will still have dd on these days). A mix of both won’t work as I need to have it fixed for 6 months, that’s their policy.

I don’t know what to do!

*i CANT take a full week here and there that should say

I'd do 4 days if you can get the childcare as it's harder to increase your childcare hours than to decrease them. You can always rethink later.

4 days. You will need some holiday to cover the many many sicknesses your child will pick up in nursery. You also might need the odd day to sort things without child in tow. And it is hard to increase childcare

Do you mean this will be starting from when your baby is 10 months and in nursery? Do you have a back up plan for when she is ill?

6m at 4 days. Keep the other leave in reserve for dc being ill or an actual trip away or, maybe even, days when it's all just a bit much with divorce etc and you can send dc to nursery and have a day to yourself.

I wouldn't waste my annual leave doing shorter weeks - otherwise you'll have no holiday left for you!

Will your ex be able to do similar and give your DD another day with a parent instead of nursery?

I’d book full time nursery and work 4 days a week so you get one day to yourself. If your job is full on and you are dealing with relationship break down then you could find yourself struggling without the break. Get that routine and pattern set for a year, it will give you flexibility and time to figure out what to do next.

Agree with this. Give yourself some wriggle room.

I would definitely shorten your working week- either four or three days, can see advantages for both.

Having done mixed nursery and home myself I'd go for the 4 days, I personally didn't find the split between dc (one Ds and one DD) in nursery 3 or 4 days made much difference to them. But the two children developed very differently (now 11&13 and both doing brilliantly), and one would have been fine going full time 6 months later, one would have really struggled with that...
So the fact that your routine will stay the same for longer is the big bonus to the 4 day plan to me, it means longer stability without change and what means you won't get a transition to manage at 14 months which developmentally can be a tricky time. If you go for 4 days she'll be nearly two and the transition will be much more likely to be easier to make.

I’d do 3m at 3 days, then 3m at 4 days and keep then go actual part time at 6m to 4 days a week. I’d keep the rest of the holiday for actual holiday with you and your little one.

I'd check whether your are entitled to any benefits when seperating from your husband, amd work it out on working part time (not full tome but using holiday). You may find that a lower household income will enable you to claim some £ which might mean the drop from 5 days pay to 4 (for example) is affordable. Don't forget he'll be paying maintenance as well, which isnt included in thr calculation (i believe).

Giving yourself some wriggle room is important.

This.

Ideally you would like a shorter week, I know. I did four day week until DD started school. But fortunately we could afford that.

I would say do not waste your leave like this because

a. You are going to have days when your baby is sick and can't go to nursery and sod's law that would happen on a day you are meant to be working anyway

b. You will miss not being able to take an extended break

@PimpMyFridge hi, I don’t fully understand your post but feel like it has a good point that I might be missing! Do you mean whichever is fine as long as it’s fixed until she’s 2 so there’s no change? And do you think it’s better she goes at 10/11 months rather than 14? That was the third option, to go back full time when she was 14 months and use holiday to extend maternity leave

Some of this depends on your work, who sound pretty reasonable. My work offers 10 days paid leave/year to cover emergency childcare/caring for sick dependents in addition to actual leave. In addition they are comfortable with me working out of hours to catch up and flexi a bit, however this was near impossible until my child was about 2 as I was so exhausted. If you have that then I’d do 3 days. What others have said about getting the ‘peak’ child care days is worth keeping in mind, I could always add in a Monday or Friday but almost no flexibility to add a mid week day. If you can get Tue-Thur childcare then 3 days is manageable if you can afford to add days in other weeks to catch up (and if that works for your employers)

This

Don't use up all your holiday on reduced hours. Little ones get ill ALL the time in the first six months after they start nursery.

6 months at 4 days a week.
Baby in nursery FT. Use your day off as a shorter day for baby in nursery, housework, and sorting the separation. An simetimes tell nursery baby won't be in as you are off to the beach/farm/anywhere else for the day.
Use the rest of the additional holiday for appointments, illness, and an actual holiday.

Just to add, I agree re going back 4 days a week, but also ensure that your STBExH does something! If he's a Mon-Fri worker (like you are? I'm assuming!) then don't let him choose to only have your child at the weekends - he needs to muck in with the crappy rushing around doing drop-offs, sorting childcare, covering when she's ill on his day, and sorting bags and clothes during the working week too. Depending if your DC is ready for overnights, he could have her say Thursday pick-up til Saturday afternoon - means he has to sort childcare for Friday and has a day off with her on Sat, then drops her back to you in time for bed on Sat, so you both get a weekend night and morning off, and a weekend day with your DD, every week. I've been doing similar at the weekends for a few years with ExH and it works well for all of us - DS likes having a day off with each of us every week.

Re the Friday childcare in this scenario, presumably your ExH would either take the day off, get his mum to cover, or use the same nursery as you. If it's the third option, then make sure he has a separate contract/bill if possible. I ended up in a situation in the early days when we were working all this out, where ExH expected me to pay for childcare, including on the days he had our son, because it was 'my responsibility'. I solved this by changing my working hours so I didn't need paid-for childcare at all, and told ExH if he did, he'd need to find it, organise and pay for it.

Big caution with 4 days a week.

It’s so close to 5 that in most jobs you’ll end up doing a full time
job crammed into 4 days, and feel like you’re constantly playing catch up.

At 3 days a week it’s very clear to everyone you’re not doing a full time job - so you tend to get closer to what you’re supposed to be doing.

Depends if you want to work a full
job with everything else going on or not.

You’ll accrue holiday during this time too, so you’ll have enough for the odd full week. If accrual has already been accounted for then say you need to keep some back and finish the reduced hours period slightly earlier.

If you end up divorcing it will be to your financial advantage to be formally part time working 4 days rather than using holiday. You want this to be established as a pattern from the start as harder to argue in financial negotiations with your H that you should switch to this later when you actually do want proper holidays.

Do you have childcare options that would cover any days you want? Otherwise this decision might be moot.

I think PPs have missed that you're taking about accrued holiday, so you will still have this year's to take.

However, I would be wary about being allowed to go PT using holiday but none of your workload being reduced or covered. What have your work said about this? For this reason, I've preferred to take it as a block and return at 14 months.

I'd do 3 personally.

I have a similar role and set-up; I do 4 days and take Wednesdays off, and send her to the childminder for a half-day maybe every other week. Is a huge help! Do you have any flex to sometimes get childcare for your day off? If not their nap is still a great help to get something done!

One thing to put in the pot, if your child gets sick and they will a lot the first year in nursery, you will need those holidays to take care of him. I vote full time work and holiday when you actually need it