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Original poster

Friend doesn't reply to messages

32 replies

8ahwe · 13/09/2023 21:32

Evening all,

Trying to get a steer on if I'm being an idiot or not.

A long term friend that I've known for over 10 years and even been on holiday with is terrible at getting back to me. It's been like this for a few years now.

I text them 4 months ago to see how they are and asking if they had time for a catch up but they read the message and didnt respond.

I messaged them 2 weeks ago to see how they are but they havent read my message, they have been online though, and I know they use whatsapp everyday.

Should I just give up and move on? It seems a shame to throw away a long friendship as we have a great laugh when we do meet up.

OP posts:
MidnightOnceMore · 13/09/2023 21:33

What happens if you call them?

Some people don't really do texts, it might be that? Or do you think it's just you?

maybebluth · 13/09/2023 21:36

I do this. I am a bit of an introvert and can have mental health episodes. I am also not terribly social. Try not to take it personally.

worriedandworries · 13/09/2023 21:36

Am I your friend?!

I'm dreadful at replying. I can open a message and half reply get distracted then forget to finish. Then other people message and it pushes a read message that I've forgotten to reply to down the list.

I hate it, but I'm genuinely useless at replying despite wanting to see my friends

Invalidusername88 · 13/09/2023 21:39

I've got a friend like this and I personally think they are SUCH a twat 😂their excuse is that they don't do texts (which is stupid- let's be honest) and prefer phone calls which tbf they do but not very often. There comes a time when you simply have to grow up and make the effort - it wouldn't wash with an employer if you had a mobile for works purposes - "Why didn't you reply?" "Oh I didn't feel like it." Idiots 😂

Original poster
8ahwe · 13/09/2023 21:40

They use whatsapp for calling but mainly messages.

IMO which might be wrong, there's being "useless" at replying and there's not responding for 4+months and ignoring a follow up.

I assume it still shows as an unread message or they can see when they scroll through whatsapp?

OP posts:
Circumferences · 13/09/2023 21:40

Well, there surely needs to be a line drawn where they never reply so you stop contacting them altogether because it's frankly rude of them.
It's up to you where that line is drawn.

Nopenopenopenopenopenope · 13/09/2023 21:40

Some people have stuff going on. I might wonder if they're okay but I always make sure people know it's okay to reply whenever the hell they like. Same day, next week, next month, hell next year. And I hope they extend me the same grace. We aren't friends any less for it. It's like we pick up where we left off when it's mutually agreeable to message or meet up or whatever.

Original poster
8ahwe · 13/09/2023 21:45

True I know they are busy but aren't we all? Isn't it worth putting in the effort to maintain a friendship?

Clearly not with this friend ha

OP posts:
Invalidusername88 · 13/09/2023 21:49

8ahwe · 13/09/2023 21:45

True I know they are busy but aren't we all? Isn't it worth putting in the effort to maintain a friendship?

Clearly not with this friend ha

Is this friend a guy or a girl OP?

continentallentil · 13/09/2023 21:50

I can be terrible with messages..

But this is about you more than them - you have to have your own boundaries. It bothers you, so move on.

autienotnaughty · 13/09/2023 21:54

I'd leave it now see if she gets back in touch

LindorDoubleChoc · 13/09/2023 21:59

I would say that even if a friend is terrible with messages (I can be guilty of this as I don't like messaging and don't have my phone on me all the time) that the friend in your OP is no longer interested in staying in touch with you. You've given her two clear chances and no reply. Time to let it go, unfortunately Flowers.

Summerscoming23 · 13/09/2023 22:03

I think your friend is really cheeky. As pp have said she could make an effort and I think should make ah effort.

She might have stuff on? But so might you! This was a friend of mine in the past didn't know I had a baby,until baby was nearly one...end of any friendship on my behalf

Bluehouses · 13/09/2023 22:30

It means more to you than it does to her sorry

Original poster
8ahwe · 14/09/2023 19:28

good idea ill leave it now and see if she ever responds

OP posts:
Invalidusername88 · 14/09/2023 19:31

8ahwe · 14/09/2023 19:28

good idea ill leave it now and see if she ever responds

Your friend is a horrible twat. Decent people respond.

301963Laurie · 14/09/2023 19:33

How about actually calling your friend?

BoaBunsAreLovely · 14/09/2023 19:34

I get people are busy but to not reply for 4 months after reading the message is ignorant. I’d just leave your friend to it if I was you.

NatalieH2220 · 14/09/2023 19:40

Friends contact each other so even if you hadn't messaged her, at some point over 4 months surely she'd think to get in touch with you herself. I wouldn't send anymore messages and see what happens.

Original poster
8ahwe · 14/09/2023 19:50

@301963Laurie Not the type of person to pickup a call I have tried before

OP posts:
ssd · 14/09/2023 20:12

I have a friend who takes ages to reply but whenever she texts me and i don't reply within a few hours she texts ????? Which bloody annoys me

Courgeon · 14/09/2023 20:17

I have a couple of friends like this and I've pretty much left them to it to be honest. One in particular I no longer consider a friend, but the not bothering to reply to messages is the icing on the cake amongst other shitty behaviours.

The other friend will reply eventually, however she posts on social media every single day about herself but never interacts with mine at all. I don't think it's just me, she never responds to others comments or likes them either. Very very self absorbed.

Original poster
8ahwe · 17/10/2023 23:59

Well I got a response today, which I ignored, then a couple of hours later a follow up text wanting my help with something.

OP posts:
Caerulea · 18/10/2023 00:00

Just wanted to make sure this wasn't my friend (that I love very much) talking about me 😬

Original poster
8ahwe · 18/10/2023 11:34

Maybe

OP posts: