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Original poster

To ask him not to go out every week

16 replies

always2323 · 13/09/2023 19:15

My DP goes his mates every Tuesday. He goes straight from work, doesn't come home first to see the kids, he comes home midnight(ish) usually drunk.

This is every week- on the odd weeks an extra day too.

Going out I have no problem with but Tuesdays are really hard work for me and the kids, I work till 5/6 I have to grab the kids from care club, rush to their sports club (the compete for their team) we usually get back back around 7:30 pm where I have to shower them, do tea, bedtime and prep for the next day where I set out for work at 7am.

I have asked if he can go on a Friday, Saturday or Sunday instead as time isn't so tight. He has every Sunday off so could go Saturday night.

All Wednesday (one of his days off) he spends hungover while the kids are at school and I'm at work

He point-blank refuses and says it's my fault that I can't cope

OP posts:
Throwawayme · 13/09/2023 19:17

Do you get a night out/day to be hungover every week? Start going out yourself in a weekend night and let him know he has the kids the next day.

Step5678 · 13/09/2023 19:17

I had SOME sympathy for him, until I got to this...

He point-blank refuses and says it's my fault that I can't cope

No, no, and no. If it's so easy, he can do it for a few weeks while you go out.

I'm guessing you don't have some sort of reciprocal arrangement where you get a night to yourself every week, followed by a whole day to recover by yourself??

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/09/2023 19:18

How many nights a week does he do the school run/clubs/managing the kids til bedtime so you can have the evening off?

Original poster
always2323 · 13/09/2023 19:19

Step5678 · 13/09/2023 19:17

I had SOME sympathy for him, until I got to this...

He point-blank refuses and says it's my fault that I can't cope

No, no, and no. If it's so easy, he can do it for a few weeks while you go out.

I'm guessing you don't have some sort of reciprocal arrangement where you get a night to yourself every week, followed by a whole day to recover by yourself??

I absolutely don't.

I just don't see why he can't go out Friday, Saturday or Sunday. If I left him to do what I do on a Tuesday, he would turn green!

OP posts:
Original poster
always2323 · 13/09/2023 19:21

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/09/2023 19:18

How many nights a week does he do the school run/clubs/managing the kids til bedtime so you can have the evening off?

Never, most night we muck in together. But he would 100% be pissed off if I went out straight from work without popping home leave him alone with the hardest day of the week!

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 13/09/2023 19:21

Do it then op. Go and stay with a friend, once a week, every week. Straight after work and stay the whole of the next day too.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/09/2023 19:22

always2323 · 13/09/2023 19:21

Never, most night we muck in together. But he would 100% be pissed off if I went out straight from work without popping home leave him alone with the hardest day of the week!

Show quote history

Do it. Take every single Thursday and go out straight from work and come home at 11pm. Sit in a supermarket cafe if you have to, or the movies, or a friends house.

He doesn't get to treat you this way and not give you the same courtesy.

Smartiepants79 · 13/09/2023 19:22

I was going to suggest that he does some helpful stuff to make the evening easier for you like have tea prepared but it doesn’t sound like he’d be very receptive…
In theory I would be ok with this IF he was pulling his weight in all other areas and you had the opportunity to have a night off if you wished. His response is twatfish though so YANBU.

wellandtruly · 13/09/2023 19:22

It’s not the going out every week that’s the problem, it’s that he comes home drunk, is hungover and useless the next day, blames you for “not coping”, and the fact that you don’t get an evening off for yourself too.

Original poster
always2323 · 13/09/2023 19:30

I really don't mind him going out at all. It's just the day! He's a grown man. The kids don't see him from 8am Tuesday morning till the next morning where he's hungover and short on patience.

OP posts:
StripeyDeckchair · 13/09/2023 19:32

I'm pretty sure if you got rid of your "DP" you would find it a lot easier to cope.

Drunken git.

chasemeridien · 13/09/2023 20:21

My DP goes out and I don't, because he wants tom but the point is that everyone should get what they want!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/09/2023 20:23

always2323 · 13/09/2023 19:30

I really don't mind him going out at all. It's just the day! He's a grown man. The kids don't see him from 8am Tuesday morning till the next morning where he's hungover and short on patience.

Yes but the shortest way to get him to stop is to do exactly the same anotherday to him.

RaceToTheMiddle · 13/09/2023 20:28

To make your night easier, could you do a takeaway/McDonald’s/restaurant every Tuesday for the kids and you?? Might make you enjoy Tuesday nights.

I’d just be doing things to make my night easier. But also go out if I wanted to.

The fact he is hungover and useless the next day, won’t be flexible on this Tuesday thing and doesn’t seem bothered is another issue.

Sparkletastic · 13/09/2023 20:33

Why does it have to be that night? Is he is some sort of pub team?

Iloveacurry · 13/09/2023 20:34

always2323 · 13/09/2023 19:21

Never, most night we muck in together. But he would 100% be pissed off if I went out straight from work without popping home leave him alone with the hardest day of the week!

Show quote history

Well perhaps you should go straight out from work then. He can obviously cope as it’s so easy ….

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